last day of term

well it was our last day of our last first term today and it was not the best really. started off okay not having any classes to go to and a placment seminar with steve which was good although was told to keep some of my negitiaty about life to myself.
then came back upstairs and wrote the intro the my final essay which was good.
then christmas lunch which i love it is always such a good spread although every year we have had to leave early slightly unfair as first and second years haven't don't know about Gordon's year.

this is wear it all goes down hill though we go upstairs our pudding in hand as there is not time for us to eat it in the actual lunch. to find that the college had acutaly forgotten the indignaty that they had inflicked on us by giving us an assesment on this day and not provided a video camra to record said assesment and not given us a projector so that all our clever videos and powerpoints could not happen. so our assesments started only after an exstra half an hour of people fafing about and not bothering to leave the lunch to help us grrrrrrrr.

i was last and it didn't go so well got a bit confused through most of it but ho hum its over now.

it never seems to end

just had a few very hard days infact a very hard week. the room is spinning currently which is not good and had a high tempterture last night.
i think it must be the end of term i am so tired i could quite happly curl up and go to sleep for a month was praying this morning that Jesus would come back just so i didn't have to cope any more guess i should really have taken today off ill but they finaly got round to interveiwing me in the church so thats over and done with only have been working there four months.
we have caturlyst tonight as well which i had forgotten about but i have one more week to survive with as much grace as possible (that is not losing my temper getting oveerly stressed and not getting drasticly ill) then i go home admitadly not the most restful of place but well sometimes a change is as good as a rest and i am looking forward to seeing my brothers.
yesterday was good although i spent most of it asleep on gordons bed not well i don't know. but it is nice that that is somthing i can be around him in a way not having to put a brave face on stuff all the time is what makes us work. went to see narnia which was just like i emangined it from the books was so pleased. not pleased to leave Gordon at the bus stop though i hate leaving but i guess you have to leave to have to exsitment of coming back. looking forward to next saturday which is when i am next seeing him for definate.

hummmmm

i may have finished the two essays for the 13th which is good i am in two minds about handing them in maybe i should keep them and re-read them tomorrow and hand them in although there is something to be said for not having them there any more aspeshaly since we have this visit from steve tonight which may be stressful. hummmm not sure not sure not sure. there is also the fact that Gordon was gonna have a look at the exergsis and tell me if i was thinking in the right dirrection. hummmmmmmm
i don't know i may phone him in a minuet and see. although i doubt weather he will pic up as he is at this confrance thing.

next chrismas number one buy it

the JCB song yay

a great night

SRG was wounderful tonight the kids were lovley we decorated a christmas tree made cards hovered and enjoyed ourself witht he kids.
and we had a nice chat and cuppa although i only drink water afterwoulds.
feeling better

ouch

so had another tuff meeting and went out with linda for some retail theopy got Robs prezzie and part of Gordons yay. but in tescos as i was putting down the bags i was carring to get somthing from the shelf i think i pulled a mussel i am now stuffling to straiten my arm ouch ouch ouch.

straining agenst the walls that trap me

feeling frustrted with church life the people i work with everything in essance. don't you hate it when people don't do the things that they are supposed to and then tell lies to get them out of troble. arrrrrrrrrrrrrg
then i come back to the college to find that andy is putting up a notic calling my kichen to his flat for a meeting to discuss the discusting state that it is left in all the time i walk in there and nealy cry i am so angry it is fowl horrid i can't cook in there i have only cooked in there twice this week and i refuse to clean up after people i am sorry that is not my job i have enough trobble keeping my own life strat.

okay possitive stuff i have to stop rnting Gordon and i had a great day yesterday did our christmas shopping although that was stressful it is so nice to have the most of it out of the way and done yay only two gifts to get now.
then we had a very nice tea with one of the local ministers and her husband but so tired after all that stuff. urg

from one thing to another to another to another

so i had diffculty getting out of bed this morning but i maniged got to school to find the teacher off ill and another teacher there i sat and talked to her and some of the other support staff for the first period and then went and talked to some young people in the corner for the second it was great fun we covered lots of stuff from art theater to realtionships.
then i came home to prepare disipleship group and Gordon Phoned and confused me about trains but it was all okay now although it meant disipleship group was not as well prepared as it could have been.
But dispite that it went well.

Free Ipods

Hey if you click on the link above (the bit that is in oringe and says free ipods) and sighn up for it you may get a free ipod which would be really cool. It is Gordon who has friends who have tryed this out and they have received and there are some good deals on the sight anyway have a look. aperntly you have to get five people to sighn up for it.

601

I just glansed at my blog post count and I have reach 601 posts my goodness how sad am I.

so had an okay day yesterday was not able to settle down to study in the morning becuase i was so exsited about going to see Gordon. So i packed up my books and traveled over with the intention of studing there.
well it did happen after cleaning up Gordons flat. It was so nice to see him although he was really tired *roles eyes*
we went out to a shoping sencter in livingston which was okay personly would rather have stayed in aspeshaly since the time we spent there ran over and we ended up on the wrong bus and so i ended up staying later than we had intended and i am now exsorsted.
but it all worked out okay in the end we talked about some important stuff.

now i just have to get through the rest of the day with grace and smiles when my body is saying sleep or cry.

Is our bible complete?

Marrion raised a very intresting point in the first bit of this class that i am sitting in. If we found another letter by paul that could be of benifit to us then should we re-jig our bibles to put it in. We evangelicals have a mind set that this is the bible it is the holy word of god and it is complet but people like Luther were relucktant to let Reverlations into the good book. I just think it is an intresting point to think about.

that tuesday feeling

well i thought i felt bad yesterday i was wrong today i feel bad. and it is before 9:30 i am sitting in class and after spending about 3 hours of my sleep time last night over and on the loo (you can interpret that how you like).
also had a very emotionaly sensitive day yesterday spending most of it and i talk every bit of it i didn't spend in the company of other in tears so was in serouse need of sleep.
well hopefully today wil perk up will get some serouse greese and sugar in me next brek i am also in a serouse need of water or liquide of some description juice will do.
class looks quite promising marrion is teaching and she is always very good.

That monday feeling

Yesterday was good although church was so cold my feet went numb ouch. steve offerd me and hutler lunch afterwoulds which was really nice. we had a nice long chat aout life ect and a lovley lunch although it filled me up.
then Chris and Louise piced me up at 3pm to go over to Gordons which was good we sat around and they were hungery so we went out lol all the restrants were not doing the deals they do monday to saturday so we had to get in the ar and go to a very cool indian buffet which we had pritty much to ourselves soo nice and of course i found room although feeling quite fat today.
had our monday meeting which was alittle scaty but such is life now have to write up the minites and thats me for the day not doing srg tonight.

superman returns

look at this trailer how exsited am i

restless

had a bit of a bits and bobs day but i think i have a acheived some stuff infact i know i have. meeting notes for the last team meeting the agend for the next and some other admin for work. i worked out my case study for the next essay and looked through my books and marked out a load of chaptures to read.
I also took my cross stich to the framers to get it framed at last.
what else have read some of mere christainty and had a fairly good quite time. have been watching weepy films all night so i don't think i will be leaving my room as my eyes are all puffy an early night will set me up for a bissy day tomorrow i think so that is the next thing to do.

why does snow make everyone late?

well i woke up late this morning an unueal occurance for me as you well know but i guess i have been stressed and stuff the last few days.
so was running late for work got my shoes on and opened my curtains to discover snow well i then went and changed my shoes to something more apropreate and waterproof and walked my 45 min walk to school.
this morning went so slowly it wasn't funny mainy because i was really tried and have been all day.

su went ok

then came back to the college meaning to hit my reflection and read the chaptures of mere christianity for disiplship group (chris was leading not me) well came in both things went sorta out of my mind. (reflections completly and mere chrisitanity not really but went down on the priorities) and sat in the lounge talking to Graham and Joy very good convo about discworld and noses (don't ask)
did my refection on communication and in about 20 min and rushed out to disipleship group late (the next relection may be on my worsening time manigment) it went okay.
Then linda and i went to the cinima to find the film we wanted to see sold out and nothing on near enough for us to go and see and came back yes that is the sum total of my day so far going to clean my room now.

2 down 2 to go (sort of)

well i handed in the ethical issues essay today even though i didn't beleive that i could possibly do it. just goes to show what God can help us do. although i am pritty sure that it is complet rubbish and that if it passes it will only just pass. the problem was that there was to much to think about you could write books about it.

i had a good day at college today which is the first good day i have had in a long time have all the forms filled out for my agency placement and feeling a lot less stressed in genral it is only a tempory feeling as i will be off to start writing the next essay soon. urg.

team meeting tonight tempers may get fraid then we have coffee afterwoulds it should be good.

the sort of is because the exergsis is in first draft form what fun is this

not running smoothly

okay it is offical my brain is adeled i don't know what i am writting or how i am writing it but i am deturmind that i will finish this essay i will i will i will. this is not the most unacheivable mark i have ever set myself as i have written about 800 words so far today admitdly it is almost bedtime so 400 words before i go to the land of nod i don't know maybe pushing it.

the main problem is that my thoughts are not flowing at all and i think the intire peace of work is alittle shall we say confused and at points away from the point. but i don't know it is the gift of finding the key issues in such a large topic i could easly wright 2000 word essay on this topic which is slightly frustraiting because i can't 1200 words sucks.

see i said things are not flowing properly it is even effecting my blogging although it may not be it might just be how my brain works normaly i just don't notice it. :-)

feeling failure

well we just had our placement seminar which was good steve is great.
but afterwoulds had to ask neil for an exstention on my essay i always feel like such a failure when i play the dylexic card it is like i have this unfair advantage on other people.
don't get me wrong i know they have an unfair advantage on me being born with a normal brain and so forth. but all the same i still feel this way.
maybe it is because i have been told it by my peers and teachers in the past that somehow i believe it now i don't know.
anyhow it is a big pain having to have a exstention it means that all the rest of my work is going to get delayed and so i am going to have to do at least one essay over christmas grrrrrrrr.

are your produccts giving you away?

tehe this was funny i found it in class it seems that my love for caberies has given me away although i am not so keen on the nivea for men as i am not a man ;-).

braveheart

i have been in this fundation in fundraising all day and i am in soooooo much pain. it was very good but i am not sure that i got all that i could have out of it.

am watching bravehert which linda lent me it is fine but what slightly upsets me is that it is the english who are the badies now i know that is fair in a sence but my issue is that it is not the english people who did all these things it is the english king the english nobels (and in some cases the scotish nobles) the english people had just as hard a time of it as the scots, welsh, irish exsept they had not seperate identaty to fight for. Just something to think about really.

christmas is coming

Gordon and I went to see the christmas lights turned on this evening it was very nice the fire works were alittle late in coming but very good and there was a little kid behind us having such an amazing time it was lovley to see.
we also spent the afternoon together and had quite a nice lunch.
we watched some of the cronicals of nania and laughed at how dated it all was. it was a shame that he had to leave early but he had work tomorrow and did i so i guess it is for the best.

horrid person phoned Gordons number having found my phone and hung up before i maniged to find out were they lived or how to get my phone back feeling quite frustraited by that i guess some people are just horrid. i just hope that none of my friends get prank calls.

berevment training

went to a very good corse today i mean like most things there were bad points but i thought it was quite useful.
very tired and in pain now i wish i could easily curl up and god to sleep but i have an an essay and a bible class to do.

feeling low again

not been a bad day but not really been the best day and i am feeling drained and tired through all the things that have gone on. sometimes i wounder am i cutout for this life but i guess if not this life which one.
college was fine it was long but fine.
Gordon and i had some time after college but not enough it never is work well the walking around was abit dissapointing and we had coffee afterwoulds which was exspensive. had quite a nice time chucking a bit of paper too marc though so not the worst really. i don't know i am just genraly low at the mo so very ittle actualy cheers me up.

supposed to be doing something else

so i am sitting at my desk trying to make my essay academic enough to pass urg hate having to find were i found stuff out from. wish i had the sorta head that keeps the knoilge of were i read something as well as what i read. but i guess thats what proper note taking is all about.
been good though today have been to the gym have read two comentreis almost finished my exergisis ready to start thinking about my ethics essay which scarlily is due next thurs.

went to some very good training for fundraising on monday i think we should get this lady to come to the college.
Tuesday had a bit of a stressy day but got a load of work done for placement which i had follen behind with so thats good.

some fun

if you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your LJ and be surprised (or mortified) by what people remember about you!

coffee and pancakes

i went to lindas coffee morning this morning was hurendously late partly because i had some horrid dreams about zombies last night felt like i was in dawn of the dead eeek and so feel back to sleep when i had intended to get up and go. also got alittle lost and couldn't find the church. but all was well and Linda seemed to be quite blessed by me going. i also bought one of her personaly decorated christimas barballs very pleased i am getting quite a colletion of christmas decorations.
we are going to the pics in a bit to see wallice and gromit and one other film. feeling alittle overwhelmed by work and stuff at the moment it is almost as if i should not be having a life outside of work and College feeling so guilty about taking time for myself and most of that is tacken up with going to see Gordon which although it is important and i long for it all the time i still need time to myself i guess and i think i may be suffering from not providing myself with that. although things are better now i am going to the gym three times a week so really life is good.

Chill out

well i must be absultuly the most boring person in the world. i took phas ten to teach the young people at church as we were having a chill out session during the service and the young people thought it was soooo dul and just could not be bothered with it. I think it is a great game and that they just didn't want to give it a chance. urg
then had a big cuffufel at tescos as it would not accsept my card even though there is so money in my account.
grrrrrrr
going to go to the ymm at some poin this afternoon and do some more of this essay yay

mad day

so i am just waking up this morning when i get a text message do you wanna go to Ikea today. i go yay jump out of bed into the shower and meet dougie at 9:40 and off we go. i get my bookcase dougie gets a cupple of things for some storige problems he is having.
then we get the thing into my room and i have to go pritty much strait to the school which was really good. I am going to go into the support unit on friday mornings and then doing the su group at lunch time.
it is great although am sooooo tired now as i then put the bookcase together and books on it now am contempleating doing some more stuff for work as i am going to take the day off tomorrow and don't want to feel guilty.

zoned out

sitting in class and am so zoned out it is hurarours keep opening and closing windows on my computer screen for no reasion think i may be annoying Linda somewhat.
hate colds although i am at the end of this one wish it would just go away i am so tired.
no kids came to group last night at all we were exspecting it to be low numbers but none whatsoever was abit of a mixed blessing none of the leaders really showed much enthusiasm for the group so maybe it was for the best.
have the evening off coffee group is on as is cards but i would be working sunday through to friday which is not healthy only problem is that it does not mean that i get a full day free for college work this week at all so everything will be pritty rushed.

something wanting

yes i know i haven't been as disligent with my blogging of late but i guess that must mean that i blog the important stuff and not just the dross. although i can never remember what i have and haven't bloged.
I am sitting here feeling rotten again the room is spinning but I refuse to submit i am going to do the work i have to do which includs the strat of three esay structures.
i had to miss the end of class yesterday but i started the forth essay stucture so thats okay.

my birthday on monday was heanvenly i got all i wished for and a lovley day with my boyfriend my dressing gown from mum was bril although i probley look stupid in it i love it!

we had a meeting about the detached youth work last night joy lead it and was so nervouse she did so well and i am really exsited about it.
was suposed to be going to school today but it was called off i am not sure why probley best as i am not very well and the room is spinning but i was looking forward to it and it would be nice to try something new.

almost church

well the bible class was okay neida my other leader had keys and the combination for the church found the money for brekie and we had quite a productive session the young people got quite into talking about shopping and how to be christians with our money.

but they have painted the church in the last week and the fumes were getting to me with two doors between me and the sancturay when i walked through the door it was like someone was sticking a knife into me head so i made sure everyone was alright and i came home. feel like i am slacking but i really don't want to spend my birthday in pain . will do some admin and stuff to make up for it.

random day

so have been in the lounge since 8a.m. waiting for a parcil that my step dad had surriedered up here which never arrived so feeling slightly unfulfiled and disgrunteled. although it hasn't been the least productive day ever i mean i got plenty of work done it has been alittle frustraiting being stuck in there when you feel like you can't leave.

problems to face tomorrow is that Catrinor still has my church keys so i can't into the building for bible class. I have no money so i can't get milk bread and so on for the breckfast in bible class and feeling slightly uninspired by my topic for bible class all in all tomorrow has the potental to suck.

dear God by children

sitting in the lougne with my laptop which Graham nicks and loads up this page it is very funny.
Children writing letter are funny.
But the wounder is is it really real or are they adults just trying to be kids.

confused

church this morning was okay joy was interveiwed for the church to meet her. i am having mine in two weeks which i think is alittle late as i will have been working there for 2 months by then *roles eyes*.
the meeting after was okay as well although I came out of it feeling confused and depressed because I got lost in what we were talking about we seem to be starting two diffrent groups for slightly diffrent purposes were we could start one that would fulfill both. i don't know though i am probley getting things wrong.
the big blether yesterday was intresting i don't think they could possibly have come close to acheiving their aims in having the session but i don't know.
the christian exerbision was good saw alot of people that i new even met one of the minsters that Gordon works with, which was fun.
also saw paul who i knew from the star project in my first year my goodness that boy can talk.
oh and a guy gave me a free copy of purpose driven life when i asked to borrow joys copy of it. it is all good.

happy in my security

well yesterday was to say the least alittle mad the first tuesday classes followed by the cards group followed by the coffee group both of which required me to have a sertain amount of possitive mental energy and since we got into some quite deep theological debates all my brain was needed to be in working order.

which ment i was in abit of a frazzeled and so grumpy mood when i got home and took it out on Gordon alittle oh well he should be able to take it. but have to work out a way of still being able to commuicate decently with people even after a long day.

today will be busy Joy andi have a artical for the church magizeen to write and a prayer letter before she is off to edingbough then i have a hole heap of reading to do for tomorrow have only gotten though the stuff for one class and silly me thats the afternoon class urk. Gordon is also comeing over in the afternoon but dumping me for better friends in the eveing it doesn't matter means i will have time to finish all the other things i should do today.

listening to redemption songs by jars of clay am feeling quite content it is such a good album if you have never listen to jars of clay then you should and if you havn't listend to this album you should it so much of a worship album.

was thinking about my sertanty of in the bible as one of the depates i got into last night was about its inpired nature and feeling quite confident in this one book which i think is quite exsiting. so anyone wanting to debate with me about the powerful word of God and his amazing self bring it on!

church meetings and cold afternoons

Church yesterday was okay although bible class was hard work. we hung about and sang worship songs wile we waited for chirs to cook his promised lunch for the church objectives meeting. which was nice although it ran over which annoyed Gordon who was waiting back at college it was a shame as we didn't get as much time together as we would have otherwise but such is life. we went for a walk about town which felt like winter and had some pub grub then came back and watched some west wing.

all bord

its been a wiles since i updated this so there is alot of stuff going on which i will put in breif

start back at college the introduction day and fellowship day were good although left the fellowship day halfway though.

leactures on thrusday were exerlant i really enjoyed them and am looking forward to tuesday.

got a meeting after church tomorrow and will be seeing Gordon after that so tomorrow will hopefully be a good day.

another random road trip

we were sitting around in the lougne talking to some of the new people when alison turned up and we went for a random road trip out of glasgow to a random pub by the sea to eat curly frys.
much fun. the newbies seem quite nice i cn see having a good year upstairs this year.

back in glasgow

came back up yesterday and had a very pleasant trip up the country with Gordon. the week was okay if alittle stressful didn't sleep all that well for most of it so am prity tired now. we spent lots of time with Gordons gandad which was nice we went on his boat and had a trip up the river even go to steer.
i also got to visit home and we also went out in the boat and i also got to steer that to so it has actualy been a very boaty week.
the funarl happend on monday and it was as nice as it could have been have been. we stayed around at Gordons Uncles house after the funaral and had a chinees with that family which was lovely. we also had lots of meals out and some lovley family meals at his mothers.
went to work last nght which was good although only 3 kids came and i attempted to play pool at the end of the eve which resulted in much huality as i could not control the que enough to hit the white humph.

help!

Am heading down to Gordons home tonight this want be a fun trip though as it is because his Granny died on tuesday morning which is really sad.
not quite sure what my role is this weekend but am sure it will become apperant in time. the bad thing is that my family have gotten all exsited about the idea that i may see them which i don't know how approprate that will be so now i feel like i am really stuck in a hard place because i can cope with the presure of playing the nice girlfriend but i don't know if i can do it with my mum putting presure on my to go over to rushden. i guess it is resonable as they wont get to see my till christmas but even so.

still swimming just

yesterday was the churches 150th birthday bbq which was fun went down early mainly to get to know people but also to help set up and helpt with the hole balloon filling with helum fun the ministers wife jane was impressed by the speed i tied nots in my balloons well i guess it is nice to make an impression.
hundreeds of kids came to the bbq and we had fun playing parichute games with them yay love the parichute. although by the end of it all had to lay in bed for a long long time and we very useless for the rest of the .
today was church which was fine although we did brek the news of the earler bible class to the young people if you want to see a young persons face drop tell them that they have to get up even earlyer for church on sunday. then i came home and made rock cakes and goulash feeling quite pleased with myself although am exsorsted again will be going to bed very very soon

some jokes are just old

still not 100% but getting there which is a bonus. was so tired all day yesterday did limited admin work but then had a meeting about bible class and group to go to in the eve and i was not to be beaten so i did both.
the meeting was intresting they want to make bible class a before church thing with some simpal brekfast to fellowship around. i have a problem with this that young people however dedicated are unlickly to take kindley to having to get up out of bed even earler on a sunday. the argument used by my fellow leaders in regards to this was that these were mainly assylem seeker children and so from a diffrent culture. well most of what i have seen on these young people which isn't much i must admit tells me that they are fitting in with the stay in bed culture that we have here. but never mind we are going to try it and see. The other surgestion was for us to have it in the afternoon sunday and mid week i added saying the eve sunday would be better all round which was sorta agreed with.
group went well had the circus skills stuff out and of course when we did balloon modeling all the boys did the serously long willy joke i don't know i mean its not even remotly funny but i guess guys of a sertain age and or mentality must think it is hilareous otherwise every time i get the balloons out it wouldn't happen *roles eye*

Curled up in a Little ball

Well I have a cold but am not doing to badley considering that it came on yesterday after a really really bad nights sleep so it sorta eat inot my day with Gordon but oh well it is nice to be looked after although somehow think he is starting to think that i get ill when i am over his so that he pays me more attention. we had a nice day watching 24 though.

today have done some bits and bobs for work but not that much as the cold is getting worse and i got home very late last night from Gordons.

strange news Christina is going home after 3 months of being in this country she says she has done all she wants to do here and is to homesick to stay and try other stuff. i think it is a shame and in a way that she hasn't given briten a chance but never mind such is life.

Meeting no1

Chris and I had our first meeting this morning this is going to be a weekly thing which we will use to talk about future idea work out what we need to do during the week and say what went well or badly the prevouse week.
i am quite exsited i am not really sure why it isn't really that exsiting i guess it is nice just to be working with people who want to start new things reach more young people.

bowling

things have been okay since i last posted although i have had sevrel mirgain attaks which was not been that good really i don't know what is bring them on but i wish they would just go away.
did the drop in on thursday night it was brill had some real quality time with the lads who sat and destroyed the clay that was for the craft some of them even did the craft which was quite exsiting in it's self.
then this morning went bowling with 4 of the girls and two of the boy chris and kenny we had a girls vs boys martch which involved the boys ignoring the girls and vice versa and playing two diffrent lanes intresting to note the diffrent groups diynamics as every time the girls nocked a pin down there was a great amount of congratulations wereas the boys were alot meaner.
but i guess that comes from most of the girls not being very good at the sport and the boys having obvesly spent to much time playing it. tehe it was a good way to spend the afternoon.

Drama Queen

well i always said i was and it has just been confurmed by the boys in myters church.

still not totaly easy about joining in with the boys in their game of poker but not sure what else i can do i have no real objection to the game other than it encoriges gambaling. And the way it is handeld in this group seems to be quite far away from that. If i was the only youth worker going into the church for the first time i would not encorige it. but i do see why chris plays it with the boys we had some really intresting talks about life love and laurndary and i had the opertunity to get to know them alittle bit. although this still does not take away from the fact that it is gambling even if we did not use money feeling alittle confused.

anyway at the end of the game i got a poker name which was drama queen which actualy amused me quite a bit they were asking if the drama group would start back up now thats ground were i feel comfortable. I do hope that i get to start it up again and maybe we could put on a panto or something like that in my last year as a student in icc which would be rad.

urg

think it is time to get remotivated and go back to the gym am feeling soooo low at the moment due to the lack of fullfilling things to do and Gordon has been bugging me about it for weeks which although i hate it is wright.
yesterday was dull for the most part went to this meeting at st rolloks about the kids club that will start to run soon which was good i like the minister there which i guess is good as i have a year of working with him.
refelcting on how strange it is to be doing this job for a year and then taking off again hate the idea of finding a job so so so much could cry every time i think of it espeshaly when i think of the interveiw side of the hole thing.
might go and play cards with Chris and Kenny this afternoon not sure how i feel about the cards part of it but it will be nice to start to get to know the poeple i will be working with alittle better. Chris and I had a great chat about Terry prachett last night finaly another fan.

bus station

had a good day yesterday all in all went to church in the morning and did bible class which didn't go wounderfuly well but never mind they sometimes don't. then hung around for a wile chatting to people at the church and Catrina this was wile Christiana said her goodbyes she had announced that she has desided not to continue at icc and so could not carry on with the young people.
then i came home for a 24 fest and watched both disks the Gordon had brought over saturday evening handed them over to Kat so thats what she will be doing today. took Gordons stuff to the station and saw him off.

Gordon came over last after all the are you arn't you stuff that we had been going through all week. although it was only for a few hours because he is going to see linda fox today as she is having a very hard time at the mo. he brought 24 and i got to give him his gifts which was good.
we stayed up late looking at cars which was fun in a way.

starbucks

for reasions beyound control we didn't have group last night instead we had a pleasant night with the older boys drinking coffee and talking about a hole host of subjects although the one traked minds of some of the boys you would not beleive it is quite sad really.
not to impressed with the carrot cake mind it was abit dry and tastless the only nice thing about it really was the iceing.
also tidyed my room yesterday still trying to get ride of the bad smell in here i think it may be indicative of the college though and so i am going to have to live with it for the next year urg.

door to the air

this is the door that the builders left behind on the top floor of strathclyd college libery it is directly opersite my bedroom. one wounders what they are gonna use it for? draw your own conclusions.

summer worship

I lead worship today and this is what we did i went down to the works and got some cheap acrelic and some canvases. then as our worship to god we listend to some music painted and talked about all the wounderful things that he has done in our lives. it was cool.

warts

Gordon took me out for dinner saturday night which was nice although through a misshape with his keys he missed the last train home but that was good for me because it meant we got to spend the hole evening together and i got to see him all day the next day. very nice indeed we discovered that i can get to his flat for around £3 return on the bus so i am gonna have to over come my hatred of them i think.

we had a nice day although i felt ill for a fair bit of it problem is when you are enjoying yourself when you are happy time goes too fast and it doesn't feel like any time before you have to leave.

although on the day we went shopping and gordon got some wartner which he then when we got back to the flat administered to himself and to me which was not pleasant and envoled alot of conjoling oh well.

have to prepare worship for tomorrow afternoon sorta hope no one comes but i have an idea of what i have to do it should be fun.

chatting shopping and pics

it was nice seeing steph this morning we sat had hot choclate chated and went window shopping. then Kat Christina and i went to see cave which was not the best frightening film i have ever seen only jumpt twice oh well can't win them all.

two films and fajitas

went to see herbie and bewitched with linda yesterday after i had completed all my work obversly. they were both very funny and quite well done although looking back at herbie i was alittle disapointed.

came home and made some very nice fajitas and had a nice long chat with Gordon although woke up in the middle of the night with a nightmare and couldn't get back to sleep so have been watching er since four in the morning yes i know that not much of a way of getting back to sleep but i had been trying for 2 hours already. urg

youth cafe

so i went to the drop in tonight and it was really really good so enjoyed sat around with the lads chatting about stuff getting to know the kids and letting them get to know me alittle. we only let ten young people in as most of the normal leaders wernt there which meant that we would not have been able to handle any more. sadly no girls came last night so christias craft was not really jumpt at but a few boys had a go which was good i made a rainbow badge which even though it was upsidedown i am quite pleased with.
have missed doing things like this. although almost dug myself into a hole with one of the older boys at the end of the eve will have to do some repair work there said something daft and not thought through properly it will all be fine though.

exstraction

just been to the emergancy dentist and had a tooth out it face is currently numb and big but that will go off in a bit. so have not had the best day ever. it was my choice to have the tooth out what she said i would have to have done to keep it ment sevril visits to the dentist and i refuse its tacken me a month of toothake to pluck up the courage to go this time.

last night was good alittle more formal than the other night more people i didn't know so well but that is good for me i sorta need to get over my fear of new people since i am persuwing a curea where i will be having to meet them all the time.

company

yesterday was pritty dull up till the point when we went to Gordons for tea.
Alison picked us up and i much halarity by the sound my bag was making when i walked it was full of bowls and table cloths and things like that which Gordon was missing.
the car ride was painful though Kat and Alison talked all the way there about a problem they were having at church something that i was a not all that intrested in and b couldn't comment on as i do not know any of the people involved that well so arriving was a bit of a relife to say the least.

So good to see Gordon I do miss him so much a feeling which i hope will get better as time goes on but am not hopefull. the girls gave him his prezzies and me my card and we all set about cooking dinner. very social very fun.

then we sat around and talked which was nice.

the car ride home was not much better though. ho hum the wind and the rain we are having the same thing to eat tonight i hope it turns out as well as last night because it was really nice.

new start

well i went to my new placment this morning it felt very random was shown around the church and saw all the places were i would be working and doing stuff. met some of the young people it was all very sereal not made better by the lightheaded feeling given to me by the mager migrain that i am starting to recover from.
the service was dull but we are going to do the bible class next week which will be more fun an oppertunity to get to know the young people alittle and work out were there at.

road trip

had a random random day yeasterday. we went up to see kats perants in nern and some of Alisons young people in aviemore. this road trip was great we stoped twice on the way up and eat cake found the weiredest public lu with two toliets in on cubical. we eat lunch by the beach and went shopping in inveness which was a real laugh. then the trip that sang away to cheesy christian music for hours apon hours. Scotland in a very beatuiful place. saw alot of it yesterday

going to see gordon today best go and get ready

on our random road trip we came across this cubical with two toliets in it one said for childs use only but one feels having the option to pee at the same time as your little onse is alittle sick.

the big wheel that apears in the third man

stuse and me

papagaino on the top of the theater were the magic flute premiared

the carrige in the big wheel

statues that are really people how much fun

vienna jesus with a toothake the story goes that if you moke jesus we will inflickt you with toothake for the rest of your life

vienna a palice

recovery

so i have been in bed pritty much all day today and yesterday migrain city. but thats okay i am still worshiping god and it didn't get me down like it usealy does. cleaned my room today and went to primark with kat who has lost her suitcase so had no clouthes that she could wear. then eat my tea which was alittle to much food and so felt alittle ill afterwould.

am loving my new cd Jars of clays redemtion songs i would highly recomend anyone to get it infact everyone much get it. think i may be playing it alittle loadly now as i could hear it down the corridor but to be honist untill 10:30 i do not care very much. and considering linda isn't home at the mo it doesn't really matter even then.

soul surviour

this last week has been amazing God has talked to me and helped to in so many ways i hope that i will be able to keep putting it all into action.

soul surviour day 5

had a bit of a low day today as head was saw and felt under alot of presure to work outside my abilites. but god is very good and he is still working in me there are so many things.

we ate out tonight which was a relief didn't have worry about washing up or cooking suspect meet or anything. the young people have had a great time.

antony is talking about finding a church to go to were he want just be my little brother. i said i don't mind were he goes to worship as long as he finds a place. am feeling quite sad for him as i think he feel alittle like a spare part with people his own age alot of the time. it really hurts me to think that he has to deal with so much and so does due to his special needs and so does not quite fit in anywere.

it is our last eveing worship and some of the young people exspressed a renewal of faith in them it was really exsiting i offered to be there to talk to them if they needed me to.

got very stressed trying to get thing organised to pack in the morning ended up sitting in my tent and crying before i finaly gave up and went to bed.

soul surviour day 6 aniversary

packed up the tents and stuff which was stressful ant refused to get up so andy and pat took the poles out of his tent so it collapsed on him quite funny really. had so much to get sorted it took forever. were alittle late for worship but that was then went to the food court and watched the guys eat chips which smelt foul.

mum was there when we arrived back at our pich and had already loaded the car we drove home listening to the davinchi code i don't like that book really but thats okay.

we had chilli waiting for us when we got back to rushden and then we got on the train for the last leap lap back to glasgow. Gordon and i had a really good talk about stuff that had been hard during the week as well as about life in genral. it was nice just to sit and talk and not really have much else to do i wish we got to do it more. it was a year today that was started going out how impresive is that i am looking forward to the next one i have been very blessed the last one.

soul surviour day 4

did the same thing in the morning as the day before.

the second semina i went to this day was on vision found it really useful again reminded me of what i was dreaming of doing one day before i came to the college it is amazing how easy it is to lose focus.

we had a bbq for dinner which was nice and got to share it with the others which was really really great fun the sharing factor came beofse we had 20 burgers and 20 sausages for four people.

also saw tim powell which rocked really exsiting so pleased to see he is doing well he is getting married in 2 weeks which is alittle scary also met his bride to be.

soul surviour day 3

got up early and had bacon for breki took nearly an hour to get a shower but thats camping with 8000 people for you :-). then went to a semina one of the youth workers ones it was really good and gave me a real insite into what the future of the soul surviour ministiy might look like. it was also a real incorigment as mike pilavachi was giving some advice about youth work and telling storyies of some of the problems hes had in the past.

worship was amazing of course because God is good. you could really feel his presance in the tent.

went to the semina on prophasy which was the same one i had gone to the day after i became a chirsitian at new wine which was amausing but it was good to get a refresha and it made me remeber to prophaes spocken over me that day and think well they really have come true alot of them so i was really encoriged by that.

can't remeber what the last semina i went to was.
again worhship was awsame.

soul surviour day 2

the rest of the journy was undertacken little fuss we got stuff out of the caravan and set off in the car poor mum had nine hours of driving under her belt by the end of the day as she had to go to wales after dropping us off to get chris from his nans.

we set up camp and it was alittle stressy as at first we could not find the people that Gordon was with and the guy was gonna put us to close to the bin but we found them and it was all okay. although the actual setting up of camp was still stressy as i wanted alittle space of my own for my group and i don't think the others quite understood why.

andy and pat turned up in the middle of worship which was cool we set up camp and made sure that they had eaten which they had. they added a new member to the group gary who i met at heart and soul last year but could not remeber he seemed nice enough.

the evening meeting was great!! God is so amazing late night chocolate back at the tent and got to know the kids in Gordons group alittle bit. had to go to bed before everyone but that is just the story of my life.

soul surviour day 1

left for soul suriour we did our first stage in the epic journy which was to my families house were we stayed overnight.
it was quite sucessful we hada bbq which was lovley. although didn't sleep to well. was funny having Gordon home he was impressed with our dogs tehe who are officaly insain i relise.

parties

so i went and did my tallent that was auctioned in my last weekend at cathcart trinity last night. i lead a circus skills party for shela pheona and matthew. it was really good fun which was a suprise and really nice to see the kids although i never really had a chance to work with any of them before i left as they only just moved into my groups.

we did the circus skills on the lawn which worked really well as that ment that there was enough room to drop stuff and send it flying across the street. everyone acheived at least one thing.

then we had pizza and they played some more with the stuff funny thing was i had gone with 5 or six time filler games just in case they got bord and we didn't even really get to do balloon modeling because they liked doing the skills things so much.

going to start the journy to soul surviour today yay.

bed juggling

Christina and i swoped beds this afternoon which was fun as we had to manover them around corners through doors and well into places in the rooms. it was amusing we must have looked funny. but both of us will sleep better for it which is good.
then we sat and had a really nice convosation.
then i came back to my room and chatted to mum and worked out that i can change the world but am never going to be remebered for it because of the person that i am but it is nice to know that you make an impact even if it is a quite one.

john lewise

yesterday Gordon and i spent together which was nice apart from the fact was feeling quite low for most of it. we went to john lewise to see if there was anything he would like to buy with the gift that the people from drumchaple had given him the night before, we had a lovley lunch there although found nothing that shouted buy me buy me to gordon oh well. then transported the microwave and a peace of wood to broxburn which was fun. his flat is looking nice.
was even more low when i had to leave and stupid really we had a nice day looking forward to soul surviour wish it was here already.

when i finaly got back to the college i found that i had forgotten my keys so stood for half and hour ringing the student bell hoping someone would come into the loung and hear it urg.

my new laptop

so gordon has now made it so that i can use the college network with my new laptop. so i am happy

have not been doing very much recently went to see the fantasic four which was good and then the next day went to see charli and the choclate factory which was exerlant. was glad to see that it had an interly differant point to make that the old film :).

then have done bits and bobs today all very dull so i will leave it at that.

long time

its been a wile since i last bloged well i have not been well since monday and my computer does not yet connect to the college network so thats why.
got home on friday night after a very long and tiring journy went strait to bed. then i went to Gordons new flat on saturday we spent the day unpacking boxes it was quite nice although was starting to get ill so did really help that much. we had a curry in the evening and i almost missed the last train home in fact was in such a rush that i left my purse at the flat which was daft but never mind. its a very nice flat although feels alittle like a hotel at the moment i am sure he will make it alittle more homley soon. he seems to be doing well in his new job as well which is good.
spent the last three days in bed reading my bible watching friends and so on i sorted out some paperwork today which was dull but needed to be done.

Vienna

so back from my holiday in veina and will be publishing my photos when i have made it the rest of the way to glasgow but for now i am just going to say Vienna was amazing. we saw and did so much it would be impossible to go through it all here and now but here are some highlights.
sitting in a coffee house with a cup of hot choc and a lovley lady telling us about her life.
going up to the roof of a very tall church to look at the frescos which were great luther was there but he was being sent down to hell with his books burnt it being a catholic church tehe i thought that was fun.
hanging out with my dad in one of the most beaustiful cities i have ever been to.
it is all good i will post phtos with more details later on like i said.
back at mums now and am heading off to glasgow tomorrow what joy.
but not before seeing my brother in his new kayak really exsiting.

youth cafe mssion style

went to the mission churches youth cafe and was vert impresed. the group proived milkshaks jucies and sweets but also bord games pool and some dj decks we sat listening to one of the lads mixing quite an okay lot of music and played scrabble most fun my team actualy won!
then mum tok us on a trip to matalan which was fruitful.
then i finished harry potter it took me till after 12 and couldn't get to slep afterwould oops oh well. off to dads not sure if i will get a chance to blog in the next week or so.

K an S the end

so i went to the last ever Kicking and Screeming last night (for thoughs of yu who dom't know it is a youth service) and found it not to be what i remebered it being which was a livley free service with a good prayer ministry. don't get me wrong it was still a good service but more along the normal adult eveing service lines. so sorta glad that they are putting it to sleep and moving onto new things.

what we are and what we have in christ

we are;
new crations (2 corinthians 5:7_
more than conquerors (romans 8:37)
children of God (john 1:12)
heirs with christ (romamns 8:17)
a royal priesthood (1peter 2:9)
ambassadors for christ (2 corinthians 5:20)
descendants of abraham (galatians 3:7)
holy and blameless (ephesians 1:4)
free from condemnation romans 8:1)
ministers of christ (1 corthians 4:1)
freafully and wonderfully made) psalm 139:14)
forgiven (ephesuans 4:32)
able to do all things (phillippians 4:13)
God's workmanship (ephesians 2:10)
creted to do good things (ephesians 2:10)
made complete (colossians 2:10)
always in God's triumph (2 corinthians 2:14)
dead to sin (romans 6:11)
alive to God (ramans 6:11)
called to eternal gloy (1 peter 5:10
vessels for the sweet aroma of the knowledge of God (2 corinthians 2:14)
blessed with every spititual blessing (ephesians 1:3)
raised up and seated in heavenly places (ephesians 2:6)

we have;
authority over evil (luke 10:19)
the peace of God (philippoans 4:7)
the mind of christ (1 corinthians 2:16)
abundant life (john 10:0)
eternal life (john 3:16)
confidence to approach God (hebrews 4:16)
freedom from sin (romans 1:18)

Church

feeling little shell shocked after church this morning have had to take in alot of news in a very short space of time. but thats what church is always like i guess although there was alot of bad news which i shall not go into but the church is having to deal with alot of stuff at the moment.

had a lovley drink with jane after the service and was invided to the youth cafe that they are doing in the week. told her all about he stuff thats been going on with me as well as got debriefed on some of the things that are happening in church. the last ever Kicking and screeming is tonight which i am glad i am down for would have been sad to come down to find it not happening anymore.

school fete

one of the advantages of having little brothers of a certain age who live in a small town and go to school in a smaller villege and bedfordshire. that from time to time i get to go to the quaint school fetes that they hold. these have local busnesses with flower stalls lots of things like tombolers and soacking the teacher an actverty that chris was hard to get away from and displays from the groups thats happen in the school like the gymnastics group which were impressive to say the least

although i am not that sure weather it was not an example of adults putting to much presure on young people to acheive and so will all end in tears at some point. not quite sure were that line is as it is good to encorige young people to take part and exsell but it is not good to put presure on them to be the best and if they are not the best then they are worthless. but thats sorta a side thought.

there was also a fancy dress compotion were princesses and pirates was the theam and the young people who had dressed up marched around the green showing of the costumes that i must say laked emagination since they had all obvessly been bought from the disny shop. well that is all exsept on connor who dressed up as a princess and should have won the prize on the basis that he had put the most thought ino his costume but he seemed quite happy when we talked to him later.

we have also today been to town and got some sandels for me and the new harry potter book which i have started to devor. and we had a lovley lunch in the bakery in sharnbrook before we went to the fete out in the bakery garden which was lovley.
have just cleaned the bathroom and am gonna get on with reading this book yay.

thinking about how hard i find it to strike up convosation with people after i havn't seen them for a wile met suz and lisa in the shops this morning and found it really hard to find things to say to them very strange.

liverpool

so yesterday went okay got up early and was droped off at the station at the start of my long journy to liverpool the other side of the country and some way north.
i got there without misshap and found the passport office fairly quikly i was over half an hour early for my appointment so sat in the offic after going through security which was pritty tight and waited with my book.
when i finaly got called up the lady behind the desk said that they were on a new system and that i could do that day pick up if i so wished which was such a relife but meant that i had to miss the train i intended to catch to get home and amuse myself with no money until 5:30pm. that wasn't to hard i went and found the marritime museam which was amazing everyone must go there they actualy had streets to walk down so that you got a real feel of what liverpool felt like during the mass emegration to the new world and a slave ship to sit in so you got an idea of how that must have felt it was cool. was to tried to get round the hole thing though so went and sat by the docks and read some more until i made my way up to the post office again.
got my passport although the lady got confused about my name which has always been a pain in the bum if we are totaly honist.
and i started on my way home the train from lestier was cancelled so i had to wait 45 minits for the next one although it was longer as that one was late. BUt am home and happy and don't have to worry about getting to venia now am so exsited about that.

my rom is sooo hot

the problem with being home in the summer is that my room is like an oven and it is almost impossible to sleep urg but i guess i have plenty of time to rest during the day.
there is a big problem with my passport at the moment as in i havn't been able to find it so i am having to go to liverpool to fast track a new one arrrrg . the problem with that is that i have left my birth certifcate in glasgow which Gordon is now looking for to send to me but he can't find it.
i don't know i am so blond it is unbeleivble i mean who does something like this.

home

traveled home yesterday although it was a bit of a dul journy as my mp3 play brock just as i was leaving.
there were problems with all three trains the first being vergin had not loaded up the reservations onto its seats so people sat anywere and then when they did get the reservations up refused to move it was okay i got a seat so was not to bothered. it was also delauyed and i missed my connection and the next train was also delayed and so i was over an hour later home than i thought i would. was greated by the normal shourt barks hugs and maddness whih is always fun.
mum had mae a lankeshir hopot in aid of my coming home but when she tasted it found that the meat had gone off in the heat and so we had to resort of chinees instead which was a shame love lanckaster hotpot.
had a bath with the jacuzie on which was lovley.
this morning directed a man to fix their digital box still in pjs which is unuseal and have read a quater of my book. it is all good good good really it is.

Gradutation weekend

so it has been a bit of a mad weekend really lovley and hot although the college is almost to hot to bear at the mo we will cope i am sure though.
so friday was a bissy day not sure if i can remeber how it strated i think i was quite chilled out at the start of the day but i wasn't by the end thats for sure. went to get some shopping with kat in the morning got acupple of air fresheners for my room so that it was plesant for Gordons mum when she was staying in there. but forgot the engredents to make fudge so decided to go shopping with Gordon abit later mistake. we were out for ages trying to find things he did need for saturday like a decent shirt to go with his suit. then got back with an hour before we had to go meet his Dad and i started running about putting sheets towels and other such things on the beds and in the bathrooms were his family would be staying.
after getting alittle lost Gordons dad and his wife arrived and we went to meet them for food which was nice enough. then after meeting Gordons mum Grandad and nephew at the station went to the sleep over that the girls had arranged and i was very late for we had cake and watched die hard which was not the worst film in the world but certainly do not want to see it again.
i then left there about 10 and got Gordons graduation i then went and helpt with perapring and eating lunch. Gordon disserpeared of to get rady to greatuate and Jamie (gordons nephew) and i went to pick up David (Gordons befriendy) and his mum from the bus stop they were dreadfully late and so we missed them peraiding in which was a real shame the church was so hot but it was worth it really. then we went for another meal out which was lovley. Although it would have been better if we had been sitting on a round table instead of a long table but that what china buffet king is like. thats about it for the weekend its been madness but fun so tired. oh and Gordon got a prize for practical theolgy which was cool.

fun and games in the park

so went to Drumchaple with Gordon yesterday which is always fun really honistly it is. we did a disco in the morning for little kids urg which could have been worse although Gordon forgot his computer so that made things alittle hard but it all ended well. then in the afternoon we took some slightly older kids to glasgow green which was intresting as we had a group transport system which required that and one of the young people in my group flatly refused to stay in the group with me in the end threatend to hold her hand and she was not amused at all. but they had a good time in the park and the trip home wasn't too painful. although i ended up sitting on a seat next to two random men who went on at lenth about how useless young people were and we could have their children as well. it was okay though. so tired when we got home. but went to see alot like love which was an okay film.
today not done much watched to much 24 but hohum the wind and the rain.

scary computers

just took my computer into the shop to get it fixed and there are some big things wrong with it it apears and it is gonna cost serouse dosh so much so that i am woundering would it be worth wile just buying a new laptop for the last year i mean it is gonna cost so much that it wouldn't be that much more to get a better one hummmmmm i don't know gonna go into consulation with mum to see.
other than that have been doing the hole have moved house so have to get my post coming to the right adress thing. urg what fun. oh and washing.

the bus

so i went with linda and her little brother to audio epidemic last night we were gonna be late because we had to pick said little brother (whos name is Phil) up from the train station as he had come down from aberdeen but we didn't think that would matter that much as we wernt gonna be that late and we were going to be there.
well we missed one bus and had to stand around for 20 mins waiting for the next one. and we ended up the most random bus ever first it crashed into a car which we didn't see or feel but the guy in the car looked pritty cross with the driver as they stood in the middel of the road holding up all the traffic behind us in the center of glasgow. then we swaped drivers it is unclear weather we swoped because this guy had crashed or just because it was time we swoped but we had a lady driver who so didn't know the rote and took us down a coldersak and so we ended up doing a three point turn in some ones driveway. now we are not talking little bus we are talking big dubble decker! it was soooo funny.
well we got to newton mearns in the end and the band although not my type of music were okay. there were no kids from tinity which was a shame though.
we left with suzis, suzis young people and dave to catch the next bus which was late and we got eaten alive by miges urg. infact it was so late we got on it as it was going to other way and waited for it to turn round. it was mean bus driver who thought we were all hollagains and wouldn't stop to let a lady (who was alittle worse for drink) off because he thought it was the young people rining the bell. much fun. poor old dave missed his last bus home so he came back to the college and slept in one of the spare rooms. going to go see war of the worlds today yay.

Harriet

I have just hurd from Mary (from my year for God team) that her little sister Harriet has been Diognosed with SLE which is an incurible desies that makes the anti bodies in your body fight agenst your body. she says it is courseing Harriet great pain and zapping all her energy she has had to go into hospital and is falling behind with her studies. I am sure that she will not mind me asking every one who reads this to pray for this beautiful energetic little girl and her family.

computer sorted

now i am sitting in my room it doesn't quite feel like mine yet but that will change once i have been in here a wile. i have just been uninstalling the bt bordband modem so that i can use msn in the college which seems to have worked so feeling quite pleased with my self.
still have a headake although sleept really well last night dispite the people who kept comeing a waking me up ended up ignoring people tapping on my door think i need to make a do not disturb sign today what fun.
audio epidemic is today hope this headake goes away by then not sure how i am going to cope if it doesn't.

moved

so a mad day yesterday. got up did the last of the packing and went for lunch at chris and louises which was nice but rushed as i had to go to goven hill for my last night. which was a show for the perants of the young people so they could show off the skills that they had aquired over the last school year. which of course included circus skills which was great to watch. i was given a lovley bunch of flowers as well which look very exsotic. then i rushed home and met my moving team from the church who packed up the rest of the house and moved me into college. this was all completed by about nine was so tired afterwoulds though.
found it quite hard to sleep in my new room the bed isn't very comfortable think i will ask if i can get it changed.
this morning has been unpacking and watching dvds and dozing of to sleep have a headake but thats to be exspected really.

a pizza hut

well taking the guys out to pizza hut was great fun although we didn't get to sit together which was a shame. they had a great time it seemed and it was really nice to end my time with Cathcart Trinity with them.
Gordon joined us which was also fun i think he enjoyed his self as well.

today has been a mixture of heart hearted packing going to the docs and dozing after taking the painkillers for the miragain that developed yesterday and is dogging me today hopefully it wont get any worse but i feel like i am just keeping it at bay for a few days untill all the stuff i have to do is finished. i will lock myself away thursday i think.

bbq

the youth lead church service went sooo well and so proud of the young people it all came together so well and they were so brave talking infrount of all those people. i think it is actualy harder to talk in frount of people you know than it is infrount of strangers.
then after we had cleaned up we went to have a bbq at the mance which was great. had fun moments with the cameras and right at the end pat got her water slide out and we wat`hed as people went flying down it. Gordon also socked Ian the minister with the hose which was halerouse.
am really sad now though thats the last thing i am ever gonna do with the senior YF. tonight is the last thing i will do with the JYF :( but it will soon be over and i will be onto new things

soooooo tired

am recked its been bissy this weekend but it was always going to be. friday night was fun did curcus skills and the young people worked out a little sequance to do with it. then went to the gym and meet up with Gordon and Linda to see batman returns which was brill i mean really really brill go see it.
saturday left the college and went to the church and buttered scones for the aution of tallents which was stunning people were so generouse. the party afterwoulds was hard work but maniged to get through it without crying quite an acheivement. i can tell you. Godon and i spent the rest of the day together which was nice. we went to the park to see if we could play tennis but all the corts were booked so we just went for a walk then we went to the college and played on the x box for a wile and watch some west wing till we fell asleep and decided to go to our verouse beds.
church this morening was hard work got my p45 which felt strange but thats life i guess. again held it together okay. we had a really good discusion on realtionships in pathfinders.

here is my cake from the goobbye party. its once of my fav verces

last essay

just went into college and handed in my last essay just waiting for the results back now which is not stressful until the day before they are due.
i am nearly there this weekend will fly by and i don't have to worry about anything for a wile it will be nice to have a real breck. sitting here watching session 5 of the west wing wishing i haddn't bought it at the being of the month couse now at the end of the month i am short of money oh well we live and learn.
going to goven hill last offical night tonight will be there wenesday but thats unofical.
going to go to the gym tonight first time this week quite looking forward to it get rid of this stress that i have been building up. then linda Gordon and i are going to see batman begins.

there is light it may be small and very far away but its there

So I got my results from ted today and i passed oh the releif although i am still feeling sick though.
i started the day with pat we sat and had a convsation about weddings which was random.
then i went to the college got my results and instead of being strong and just going home to finish the essay i lay on Gordons bed and wolloed in the pain in my head.
Cara sent me home from govern hill said i obvesly needed to sleep. although i must admit to being bad and finishing the first draft of the essay. will sleep better for having it done. my head is getting worse so am gonna take to painkillers and rest wish i had money for a takeaway tonight but i don't oh well such is life.

college

so went in to have our yearly moan at neil this morning which was okay came out of the meeting and we all sat around saying all the things we should have said.
then we sat in worship which was okay but long the guy doing the powerpoint couldn't find be tho my vision so we got alittle confused about the order of the verces ans the guy got the song up and confused even more because he was on the wrong verce it was funny but poor guy.
feeling really ill my head is starting to hurt in the way that puts me in bed for three days and i am doing some sort of gymnasics inside of me. but i have 400 words of the next essay written. don't think i can get through the coming weekend with it not done.

my suspisions were correct

well no one came to bible study but like i said that is not a totaly bad thing although it just means we have to rescedul it.
we took all my boxes to the college which was fine the college basement is neat its full of great pipes and mashems that heat the college its like stepping into a spy movie.
it doesn't feel any diffrent in here as the big stuff hasn't really gone everything that has gone to the college is off shelves and out of cupubords but it is a relife to get stuff moving.

getting to the end of the first pack

so i went into college this morning and am feeling better than yesterday talked to chi and he said that he would get me assined to a okay room and that i would probley be able to move in on the 28th which is such a releif.
saw gordon for a very short period of time outside the college but thats okay and came home and got on with some more packing. i am not sure if anyone will be comeing to bible study tonight i sorta hope not there are boxes everywere and i am not sure where the notes.
i also am feeling quite dizzy and alittle quezy so not really up for it.

sunday and no friends about

so i am having a ruff day i woke up and sat trying to write some more of my essay i had gotten to 972 words last night before i went to bed and beat 1000 before i went to church. on my way to church though i started panicing what if i fail the re-sit i handed in on wenesday last week what if i fail the essay i handed in on the same day. how am i going to get all my packing done. how am i going to help the young people supase exspections next sunday night am i actualy any good at what i do am i actualy making any sort of a diffrence. now all these things past through my mind between the train staion and the church which is less than five minits. then joan came into the youth room and asked me how i was and i broke down. then i had another breck down with wilma. i don't know i was told yesterday that i don't really have that much to cope with but i guess it may be the straw that brecks the cammels back and i am not at my emotional best with this being the start of my final week working for Cathcart Trinity Church. i wish i had someone my age to talk to today but Gordon is on a weekend away and all my other friends are bissy at church so i am just gonna have to cope on my own. i used to be quite good at that.

singing along the way

so it been abit of a strange day really. got up and started packing which is scary although as it turns out i really don't have as much stuff as i thought i did which is a good thing. i went to the paint shop to get spray pain for gordon but he didn't pic up his phone as went to get lindas birthday prezzi from the framers then gordon phoned me twice once to tell me he was on the way to a shop in town to compare prices and again to tell me to get the stuff and i met him in central with it handed it over and got strait back on the train. then sat and sorted out my reading for the next essay.
before going to the McDermids for tea and band practice which was great really really really good.

hummmm not what i planed

okay so i planed to go into the college get some books maybe chat to gordon for an hour and come back do my essay reading so that i could start writing even alittle bit of it tomorrow. well ended up staying at college and having lunch and helping Gordon to clean his room. then went to Goven Hill and enjoyed watching one of the boys joining in to the dance workshop which was really cool.
now am gonna do some reading although food comes first.

essays

so dull day got up sat down and wrote then the computer crashed and i got dressed wile it cooled down i think the problem it is that it keeps overheating.
then i wrote the rest of the essay and finished the second draft of my exergsis which was great.
oh someone handed my camera into a shop so thats fine i have that back now feeling good.

Assesment, sermons and tears

so today has been alittle mad. got up and started writting the essay pritty much strait away got to over 900 words but this one is really not flowing. then did prep for the evening.
had our meeting with steve today which was not much fun really it is never fun to be critised for an hour.
then came home and found ruth sitting in my close she came in and we had a nice chat befor Jamie and Nicol came to talk about what they were going to say at the service on the 26th. we had a really good session. the next thing is the band practice.
JYF was fun although we did have some tears towards the end about some of the young people not wanting to move up it was all resolved by saying that they didn't have to but i guess it is nice that they enjoy the group so much that they don't want to leave.
we finished off with some uni hoc to run off the tears and get the hapy hormons working again. :-)

aftermarth

another long long long day. been going since 8 this morning but thats part and parcil of life.
so had to be in church all ready to teach the kids a drama at 10 didn't relsie that there was a prayer breckfast on so went and sat and drank apple jucie with three of the young people who had made and effort but none of the others came so there will be no drama as they have used up half their rehusal time. it is one less thing for me to do so thats fine.
then church was so tired from yesterday spent it iver dropping of or haveing a quite cry.
came home for a bit of lunch then back to the church for band practice there is still so much to do before the evening service on the 26th.
then home again then caterlyst were i just brock down and started crying a combination of stress tiredness and to much to do. oh well bedtime now nice hot bath.

Frenzy

so 10 hours of music and it was amazing but my ears are still ringing this morning. didn't see the kids for most of the day but that was okay it just ment they were having a great time. Thrid Day were the best of couse would have paid the £30 just to see them so all the other were a total bonus.

cheerleading and claming

well bissy day today woke up and sat down and read some more for my essay still have so much to do urrrrg. also put some questions to ask the the young people at neils group. then went to the paint shop and bought some tarpolin for Gordon. which made me spend the rest of the day woundering were the £10 had gone out of my purse i am blond sometimes.
then went and sat outside the school with one of the young people from Goven Hill waiting for everyone to turn up so we could go to this random youth award opening. the girls were doing cheerleading. which was a great example of young people overcoming the odds as they didn't think they would be able to do it last week. oh and there was some stupid mess up with the cd and they had to do it to the wrong music yet it worked really well.
we took them to Macdonaleds urk which has not improved in the last 4 years. the only problem with all this was that we then went pritty much strait into the group and they had all spent far to much time together. I did circus skills with them but it was abit to involved for them to be able to cope with so not many of them took part this week.
Steve came for my assesment which was good Cara was really complemtary to my youth work i am a claming influance.
then from there i went to the college spent 20 mins with Gordon and went to marters to talk to the young people there about soical exclusion and how it effected them. i must say they are some of the most well ballanced socaily exscluded young people thats probly a complement to the people are Marters.

so a good day at college today although didn't get a lunch break again and its all steves fault i waited around for him get out of his assements with the third years and then when he did apear he ran away! for another 20minits leaving me with 10 minits to go and get a drink before class it could not be helpt really my fault as well as i should have guessed he would have been forever with the 3rd years.
Linda and I went to see the pacifier which was not the best story but very funny in places.

bible study day

went to the gym this morning and then went and bought a new swimming costume which was fun.
then did prep for bible study the rest of the day which ended in doing bible study which was great fun although had the quitest memebers of the YFs and so disscusion was hard to get going didn't do to badly.
now watching the west wing and thinking about going to bed.

cleaning

woke up with a mirgrain so desided not to hit the books but take it slowley and get the flat clean so that i can clean concentrait on things that are important than the fact that the flat is a mess. also did all the ironing although i have created more by doing washing again. oh well
been a good day though and Gordon is coming over to watch vanity fair with me which i am really looking forward to!!

a good day

i have had a really plesant day today. woke up after a really desturbed night one of the things which disturbed me was a lady running out of the close wailing that someone didn't love her any more poor lady.
I read for a bit and went into town and met up with Kat for a hot choc and chat in Wesly Ownes which was really nice.
then came back to the flat and did some more reading before going to goven hill with the circus skills stuff. there were only two kids but that was fine we had a laugh sat outside again for a bit and got them both throwing and catching deabolos by the end of the night.
then went to the gym which was hard work and couldn't remeber how to work some of the mashems but it will all come with time. bought some fresh fruit and veg on the way home and am about to get into a well deserved bath yay.

don't we look nice together this is from when we went to cambrige. Gordons Grandad is the person on my right.

Thoughts about Gordon and Me

So Gordon and I have been going out for nearly 10 months now. and this week we have been going through abit of a ruff patch. which is okay they are to be exspected. Gordon says i shouldn't beat myself up but it is mainly my fault that we have been having these arguments. I have been in search for a fight i think.
I love this man I could see us spending the rest of our lives together infact thats what I would really like. Next year is not going to be easy but I really think that we can survive and my emotions should be better next year and so able to cope better. I give us fairly good odds as to weather we are going to make it. this has been a bit of a ranmbal sorry if i borded any one.

dum dee dum

been a okayish day spent the morning reading for the next essay then to goven hill were we randomly sat outside because the hall was far to hot to be able to sit inside. it was quite funny really we sat in a circal and just chatted we must have looked odd but it was good youth work.
then Cara and i had a chat about how i was doing i am a claming infulance people have said that before. quite pleased with that really.
then went to the patons and mcdermids for dinner which was nice as always looked at some of the freebe gagets that mo had gotten from the hospital when some drug companies had arrived.
Gordon and i had a minor fight about the hole phone thing again. oh well we will get it sorted at some point.

cowardination

sad no new e-mails this evening feeling very lonley at the moment which is silly as i have just come from a group.
the group which was okay but very quite again we played with the i toy which was funny. now i am not cowardinated at all but the kids i were playing with were so not cowardinated at all maybe its because i spend alot of time combating my disabilaties that i actualy get better than the average person at some things. hance me not being terrible at putting on saturday and stuff something to think about.
have actualy written myself into a better mood which is novel.

college

college was hard work. basiclay didn't stop as i was running round during the first breck joined in with a meeting about what is good and bad about the course for the exsternal examinors which was intresting.
then the second break was not really long enough and the mean lecturer didn't give us the last break and ran over the end of class.
went to see Kingdom of heaven on my own it was dull but i have seen it now there really isn't much on at the pics at the moment.
came home and felt suddenly really insecure which i think had been building up from sunday when Imran turned up at church were he should not be. Gordon was no real help when i phoned him to try calm myself down. did not sleep well.

park

had a lovley day today. it didn't start well because i work up with a migrain but it was the type of headake that would shift with syndole and a bit of exersize. i had a great desire to get out of the city as was not in a fit state to deal with crouds which i don't think Gordon picked up on when we went clouthes shopping for what felt like hours i could have cryed.
but as soon as we got away from the center started to feel better and when we got to the park we had a amazing time playing golf i beat him yay which was a suprise and bowls then we walked miles in the wrong direction but it was lovley couse we just chatted about random stuff like boyfriends and girlfriends should do sometimes.
am now home and feeling lonely.

sunday

lead pathfinders this morning was not the best but was not the worst i have ever done so thats okay. went to the patons for tea which was lovley then we had an amazing worship service. and an okayish YF session.

we raised £177.03 for ecrad yesterday pluse some coppers that i recived tonight but havn't counted yet.

pleasantly suprised

just got back from the Gym and have been plesantly suprised by how fit i am so did the half hour induction which was pritty easy stuff and then spent another half an hour doing some more intence caredo stuff and coped then walked most of the way home which is about 3 miles are you impressed you should be.

information bord about ecrad and a donation pot the young people put this together doesn't it look great

the notice bord i made to advertise the youth work in the church

the boiled eggs from the eggs and toast event

ecrad coffee morning

Eggs and Toast. i arrived at the church this morning at 9 and proceded to start setting up for the coffee morning we were decorating eggs incoriging people to take collection pots to work and Three young people came help at the start Steve Graham and Margo then Andy came in for a bit and Heather arrived neara to the end there was a good atmopher although came very close to having an arugment with a lady about her resions for not giving money to charity. the egg painting was a great sucsess although no one wrote any letters.
At the end we discovered that we had raised over £130 which is really really cool we thought we wouldn't get much more the £60. took ages to clean up but thats life going to the gym in half an hour what fun.

getting there

it has been totaly mad today although did a daft thing this morning went into town with out the video camera for gordon and so i had to come all the way back to get it. durrrrrr.
we went out for lunch which was also a mistake but a very enjoyable and nice one we went to the new italian buffet which was lovley and were Gordon is thinking of having his graduation meal.
then ran home and started printing photos and writting captions for this notic bord that i was making for the Yfriday gig tonight.
bought a laminator this morning so that it would all take less time which is did yay. then i went to church and put it all together and joined in with the stewarding jobs. which was fun the arm bands kept falling off so mine ended up around my head. Yfriday were great as always which is the case although that was the only bit of the concert i got to get in in but that is the price we pay and i was close enough to hear the rest. :) now am printing out stuff for the morning.

well have spent the day running about which has been okay but tiring and i am very tired now.
but everything is starting to come together so thats good.
spent an hour with Gordon then went a joined the gym as i am reduclously unfit and need to sort that out.
then goven hill and i did circus skills which was fun.

walking in the rain

so have spent the day doing things for saturday my head still hurts from yesterday but oh well there is not much i can do about that. have a load of eggs to empty of their yokes so that we can use them on saturday as well.
also started making a blankate.
goven hill was quite tonight we only have four kids most of them stayed through in the computer sweet that has just opened. it was funny as they had cleared all the eqipment into the church a locked it and we didn't have a key so there was basicaly nothing other than a ball twister and jenga for the young people to interact with. although i had some good convosations with the young people and have started building some okay relationships with them.
it has been raining all day and got soaked on the way there and on the way back.

ouch

everything hurts my arms my legs and most of all and most cripling of all my head yes i have a mirgrain. and the frustrating thing is that there is no real reasion for me to have a migrain at the mo. and the big problem is i have alot of work to do over the next few days that cannot be put off for this so the desire to just sleep has to be crushed untill monday.
oh i have no idea why my arms and legs hurts iver very strange

and so it goes on

i am honistley the most dippy person alive i must be. we ment to be going to the prision this morning with the rest of my class to see how things work there but got my weeks confused and thought it was next week some how. so did not have my passport this morning. and of course my drivers licence was stollen a few weeks ago.
oh well i have some time to read for class now which is good.

child protection

pathfinders went well this morning we had treats and learned about the church of ephisus. the guys seems to really enjoy it so am quite pleased with myself.
had child protection training this afternoon and was quite sad about it, it didn't really cover the things it needed to cover like the processes of dealing with a child who was disclosing some sort of abuse i could have screemed and almost got up and added to it but i just felt like i would have been shouted down.
got yf now quite looking forward to it when it ends will have a nice long bath and get straite into bed i think which will if i am honist be the highlight of my day.

Your Dominant Thinking Style:

Exploring You thrive on the unknown and unpredictable. Novelty is your middle name. You are a challenger. You tend to challenge common assumptions and beliefs. An expert inventor and problem solver, you approach everything from new angles. You show people how to question their models of the world.

Your Secondary Thinking Style:

Visioning You are very insightful and tend to make decisions based on your insights. You focus on how things should be - even if you haven't worked out the details. An idealist, thinking of the future helps you guide your path. You tend to give others long-term direction and momentum.

What's Your Thinking Style?

Uphall and Broxburn

had a nice day yesterday although got very tired and dizzy by the end of it.
had a meeting with bill in the morning but we didn't really have anything to talk about and so it was very short.
then went to have a look around broxburn and uphall with Gordon (thats were he is going to work next year) it was a place a council estate tacked onto a villege it was very gray and sorta run down.
then we went to TGI Fridays for dinner which was very nice.
the only problem with the day was that Gordon was tired from being out all night the night before and so he was not in the best of moods. and i got tired very quickly as i have not been well.
ended up with me feeling very insecure and staying longer than i should have when we were so tired.

romeo and juliet

Jul: Wilt thou be gone? it is not yet near day. it was the nightingale, not the lark that piece'd the fearful hollow of thine ear; nightly she sings on yound pomegranate tree. believe me, me my love it was the nightingale
Rom: it was the lark, the herald of the morn, no nightingale.
she wants him to stay, so they can make love one more time; he fears for his life, he wants to go. Finally she convinces him; and now he wants to stay, and she longer wants him to stay

Augusto Boal has a very good point with this passage of Shakspear the sensible thing is not always the thing i want but i will always come round to it in the end suddenly don't hate juliet as much as i did when i was 13 might even stoop to seeing my least favourte tudor play ever again. although any play would do at the mo am hungry for the theater. this quote is from a chapture on the counter will the ideas that are in our head that stop us from going after the thing we want without thoughts for other people and so forth. It is all fasinating although i do not think i have exsplained it that well.

sleep

trobled sleep what fun couldn't get to sleep for hours had one of these stupid nights when my mind just wouldn't turn off urg. ended up drinking hot choclate infrount of the last episode of west wing on the disc.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

You Are 25 Years Old

25 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?