went to see the passion with Kat And Linda last night and it was um well i don't know i think i have to think about it abit more before i pass any sort of judgment.

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh I got a C+ for my community ordit am so glad that i passed and never need to look at it again. But whats more is that it was a good pass and that make me all warm and fuzzy inside.
so three chrees for me

am all back and stuff spent all last night writing my essay for today which was not the best i have ever ritten but as long as it passes i don't really care.
did daft thing left car keys in my bedroom at home not only my car keys but my drivers licence somewere in the same room i say somewere because mum phoned me as i rush up the hill to college after having to cach the train saying that she could not find it. although it raises the question of why does my mother still have my spare keys in England when i have my car in Scotland.
another daft thing for this morning i forgot to set my clocks to the new time and so was an our late out of bed had ten min to get ready down the road and onto my train well needless to say i had to catch the next one but it was okay i got there in time.
from this last cupple of days i really do have to say that Dory is my hero she pulls of the Dizzy thing far better than me.

chris is playing sick i think its cose i am here and he don't just want me to dissaper sadly I am gonna have to. which means i can't just sneek off and miss the fuss but I guess thats okay. Its always sad leaving him but I guess thats the problem with having little brothers who are that little. 8 as aposed to me at 21. But must get going back to that blasted essay.

was at church this morning it is really wired seeing them all almost just as i left them. singing the same songs it is comforting mind I love my church they are wounderful people. So i am alittle late due to a mix up with the times (silly clocks going back humph) I go in and the sunday school jump me or at which is slightly embarising as they are supposed to be singing. then sit down at the back (I should be used to this sort of thing by now) and mark (the minister) anounses my presans which evokes chers not often you get cheered for entering a building then informs me that i am sharing and carryes on with the service. it's all good all good. spent ages talking to people after the service chaching up and so on.
then came home and mucked about with chris wile getting ant to do revsion I am good at the old guilt trip me. Mum took us to materlan and thats about the sum of my day. so far

we had sunday dinner today i don't think we have had sunday dinner in this house for over a year serously it is that unsal. But really really really nice my mum is a good cook. But i guess most people would say that about their mums. But i must add this in her favor we had home made gravy and home made rice pud which has to be good dosn't it. feeling slightly over full now not very comfortable at all in fact.

soooo tired sooo so so so tired and i have done nothing more than go into Bedford and sit in a pun with my mates. who are just amazing they are great the sort of friends that you can not see for ages even years in some cases and sit down and just start talking as if you only saw them yesterday.
had a take away for dinner which was nice as always take out is the best.

it is amazing how beatiful the sunset is seen from a plain on my way home i sat and watched and woundered at how brilleant it is.
cool hu
am home was attacted by small boy and big boy as i got through the door my brothers are great but somehow i think they are both alittle big to be hanging off me one of them is now six foot i am sure and i am most definatly not.
had lovely food and selpted in my own bed then have been having quolity time with the boys and playing silly computer games all good.

oh and i forgot wile delivering leflets yesterday we were talking to this lady and she looks at me and ses "isn't she gorgouse" then goes into a hole long monolog about how pritty i was. Not sure how to take it i blushed and wished i could hide. randomness

wow what a week my goodness i can't beleive it is already Friday MY GOOGNESS
I started at the star Project on wenesday which was really good we went round delivering leflets for a fun day which looks like so much fun i hope that i can go. Three girls came round with us their insentive to be their was that they would get money put towards a trip to London. They were really good till another girl joined us and things went alittle ariy but it was all sorted out okay.
Then I came home and as anyone who knows me my sence of direction is not the best but i think since i found my way to the place fine it was the help i was given that made me end up on the roung side of Glasgow town center which was okay just added another 45 mins to my trip eat chinees to make up for it.
then yesterday we went into schools also good and deleivered more leflets this time i was going round with my superviser and we got to know each other better she is really nice. Then we did a multi activerty group with some boys who we took to the play barn.
today have been runing around like a headless chicken trying to get my essay done (unsucsessful) do my superviser meeting with Bill and get into town to sort out my life before i go home tonight and rest this weekend. rest is good.

maddness total and utter maddness you know i was rudley awakend but a badley set clock this morning yes i set the clock so it is all my own fault but that dose not make me any less peeved at the clock as it woke me at 6 am instead of 7 am humph.
frist day of tearm not to bad very tired thats for sure but thats college for you. watched a horrifing film 'the mission' i think it was called anyhow came out feeling very very sad and scared nasty pig headed men blowing up little children i don't think this should of been a PG some how. anyway must go home now. rush hour traffic i must say does not frill me.

I did washing today for the frist time in my new house but it went okay and so know i will have clean clothes again. I felt abit nervouse about waching because Joan the lady i am living with does not have a dryer and it is raining pritty much all the time at the mo and i did not know were she keept her clothes horse and was too embaressed to ask it is a silly thing to be shy about I know but i am. anyway it is a beatuiful day today and so my washing is on the line and i am yet again at the college paying debts since my student loan is now through all good.
The sun being out has cheered me up no end it is amazing how the weather has such a profound effect on my mood. although i love heavy rain sunshine is the best thing ever.

I am sitting at one of my line manigers computer and enjoying broadband but must get off soon as i will be tiying up their computer for far to long otherwise.
I really don't want to go home mind as that will mean the mountain of work will desend again so much to do you would not believe and my nack for leaving it all till the last minit dose not help i have a YF to prepar for this eveing not good but life goes on as they say.
The hole going to college thing is getting abit silly Have just come back and will be going again tomorrow but tomorrow is the only time i can do stuff in town that i need to do in town which is vexing anyway I like being at the college so shouldn't complain really. madness total madness.

spent the night at the college again it's much more fun to watch videos on the projector and go to the pub than be at home any way went down to the garage this morning and found myself locked out and my car locked in huge panic insued would i get to church on time or at all in the end the warden came down he was late for church himslef which is why the garage was not open so wiped down the road to cathcart although did not speed at any point. and got to church ten minits early. but oh now there was no were to park so had to take car back home and run to the church arrived ten minits late and sat at the back. ooops
chruch was good if alittle confusing people telling me all sorts of things at the same time head hurts ouch.

you know that feeling of hoplessness thats been dogging me recently and semingly for all my life. well it's back. don't know it's horrible to feel thick all the time and i really do i try so hard and never seem to get anywere. I know i can't exspect to be like normal people but just for once i would like to find something that i was okay at that i could just do and not have to push myself so hard there really is very little in my life that is easy and i know that i never do go for the easy option when it comes to my eduction and stuff but thats not what i mean. But God is good and i guess he made me like this for a reson and that it all builds charitor and i would not be me if I didn't have to struggle the way I do and i am probly blowing the hole thing out off proportion because i think to deeply about my own fawlts thats life and God is still good and will get me out of this depressive moment.

well our walk might be off since it is raining cats and dogs never mind life goes on.
I worked it out i did 12 hours of study yesterday not good I woke up at 7 picked up my books and begane ovesly i had time off when i got changed and made lunch and stuff but through luch i read and roat and i still feel like i havn't made even a small dent in what i have to do which is really really demorilising. sob.
although wile i was studing i did have dvds going in the backround. There is a real problem with living with this lady i just do not feel free to do anything i always feel that I am being watched and judged and so i just stay in my room and read not nesiarly the healthyes thing to do I know.
When i move into my flat it will be better I will feel more free so i will do more and people will hopefully feel better about coming round to see me. three weeks to go yay

you know it's amazing how wounderfully percetly everthing works together in this world to make it a place were you can live. example take the worm without the worm you would not get air in the soil and it would be much much harder to grow anything or so i am told by the tv. Isn't God Brill i mean he thought of everthing. athough it is a bit of a shame that we don't seem to take our jobs as stuwards serosley we seem to think that God making us stuwards means that we can just abuse what he gave us and destroy his creation not good not good at all end of rant which is aimed at self as well as world cose i am just as bad.

worship in college met all exspectations they started off quite well but settled into the two songs sit down and listen but on the good side we had a sharing time plenty of prayer and communion.
although it is the end of tearm service and we youth workers have not finished our tearm yet. hummmm

So tired the other nights antics are probley caching up with me up although had mega boring metting about doing the summer school in the (wait for it) summer xstreem force is not the best program i have ever seen but my church seem to think it's great never mind. this was followed by a youth team meeting which was productive that all i am gonna say about that.
although i rounded up the eving with chinees and a bath oh nice eat your heart out all you who live at ICC still although tiss the only good thing.
holly is sitting next to me and demanding that i metion her so here is you mention holls.
Practical jokes are fun.

essays a frightening and scary and not getting done to many destractions or to few and you create them just so that you have them and don't have to do the essay just now. hate reading acidemic books I think they should be band

Well so much to talk about. So bear with me.
spent all day monday and tuesday getting on with the essays with no real breacks other than for minamal food and groups not much fun although i did go for a run Monday morning and had this though as i passed my second Bridel shop (how do they keep open it's not as if there are that meny brides in Cathcart)
then Tuesday night went to college and PICs to see mona lisa smile exerlant. I just have to day exerlant although spent most of the evening joined by linda trying to embarris Kat with silly hand flpping at sentimental bits. hehehehe so much fun.
Then we picked up Josh and Simon and went to sleepless were we eat curly frys and got wet bottems from sitting on we seats.
back to the college played monoplay till 3:30 drew with Gorden and went to bed. not feeling tired at all i knew i why i was sleeping so much at home so i would have the energy to play here hehehehe.

God is very very very very great

had a hard day yesterday after i took Holly home got very depressed and low just felt rubbish. In more ways than one tired ill and discouriged in genral.
genraly had that horrible feeling that I am useless and that everthing I do is pointless.
So was not in much of a mood to do youth cafe last night. which did not start well as we got there and the building had been set up for church not condusive to playing silly games. It got better though and i got to play the daft games which releived some of depression.
Then this morning we had communion and i was struk by how bitter i have alowed myself to become it was something that came up in conversation before as well. So I have given that up to the lord and feel so much better you would not believe.
Anyway it is brill how God works with us to sort out our problems some people think that they it would be better if God just zaped these things into oblivion but i think that it is much better that he makes us work through them otherwise we never learn from them.

arge flying trees ouch

funnyest thing in the world disco dancing at church with an age range of two too 90 odd possibly and all us sillys in the middle holly came with me it was great, oh oh oh don't don't forget the fancy dress part of the hole thing we were pritty naff i was an artist and she a rainbow okay okay stop laughing right now i mean it. Young people were stars all dressed up really good as mebers of the greese cast so much fun it was alittle short if you ask my opinon (and hollys she ses as she reads over my sholder.) but the best fun the best fun ever although holly nearly decapitated a small child during the final song (YMCA) which will be a source of much funness for a very long time hahahaha (holly is threating my life so i had best stop there)
now we are gonna drink baileys and watch about a boy ttfn

just spent the day doing loads and getting nothing done i hate it when that happens you end up feeling so rubbish about everthing you have acheived because you havn't acheived what you heoped to dosn't help feeling quite rubbish at the moment anyhow and could not drag myself from my nice warm bed till after 10.
watched greese at gnomes (girls night only men exsluded sorry!) last night and the girls made Ruth up to look like a clown with a harry potter scare quite amusing if alittle of the subject cose i wanted them to deside how they gonna do makeup for Fri night when we have a fancy dress disco and they are all going as caritors out of greese hence why we watched but all good and they enjoyed themselves.

what a week end moving home is not the most fun thing you will ever do beleive me I have exsperance espshaly if you are doing it with a old mini as your transport. but i am installed in my new space which will be fine as a stop gap. Chi was wright though i do miss just being able to walk down the corridore and talk to people.
caterlyst (a christian youth event) was great on sunday really good worship and really really good teaching 2tim2:22 if any of you are intrested. I learned something new and i was privaliged to sit and watch some of my young people being touched. it is so cool God is so Great you would never beleive. And i can say that despite the fact that i had blocked sinasis and was in exstreem pain.

I am being currupted by my friends we went to the pub again last night thats like three times in a month when i had only been once in the frist three months. No it's not really that bad a thing it is good to get out the college really good beleive me leaving assiment behind for an hour or two is a blessing at all times.

sturggling with the huge unclimbable feeling of sadness. For no real reason at that just one hundred and one little things all adding up to make me into a slightly over emotaional reck. it will get better once all the essays and things are done and we can relaxe for a bit but that seems like an awrful long way away.

Had a night of chees which was good Gorden brought the projector from work and with the help of my laptop we watched the princes bride a flim that you culd only watch when you were up for cheese and flawty towers great fun only now because i went to bed before the others i am not sure whos room my laptop is in oh well i am sure it will turn up.
I am sitting in the youth min room and there is a very strange noise it sounds like a duck coming from the wall beside me i wounder am i going complty mad or could there be a resion for this.

We went down to loch lomen (don't think i spelt that right) saterday it was amazing so goegouse you would not beleive. The weather was cold but the sun was out the perfect day for that type of walk.
Although our walk took us onto some private property which had lose dogs I don't know you can't climb up an overhanging bank and walk through fields without getting harrised these days. the mini stood up to the trip well and i think i have started to lose my rep as a bad driver which was totaly undeserved or almost.
You'll never guess what we did when we got home okay you will we played monopaly hehehe.