moved

so a mad day yesterday. got up did the last of the packing and went for lunch at chris and louises which was nice but rushed as i had to go to goven hill for my last night. which was a show for the perants of the young people so they could show off the skills that they had aquired over the last school year. which of course included circus skills which was great to watch. i was given a lovley bunch of flowers as well which look very exsotic. then i rushed home and met my moving team from the church who packed up the rest of the house and moved me into college. this was all completed by about nine was so tired afterwoulds though.
found it quite hard to sleep in my new room the bed isn't very comfortable think i will ask if i can get it changed.
this morning has been unpacking and watching dvds and dozing of to sleep have a headake but thats to be exspected really.

a pizza hut

well taking the guys out to pizza hut was great fun although we didn't get to sit together which was a shame. they had a great time it seemed and it was really nice to end my time with Cathcart Trinity with them.
Gordon joined us which was also fun i think he enjoyed his self as well.

today has been a mixture of heart hearted packing going to the docs and dozing after taking the painkillers for the miragain that developed yesterday and is dogging me today hopefully it wont get any worse but i feel like i am just keeping it at bay for a few days untill all the stuff i have to do is finished. i will lock myself away thursday i think.

bbq

the youth lead church service went sooo well and so proud of the young people it all came together so well and they were so brave talking infrount of all those people. i think it is actualy harder to talk in frount of people you know than it is infrount of strangers.
then after we had cleaned up we went to have a bbq at the mance which was great. had fun moments with the cameras and right at the end pat got her water slide out and we wat`hed as people went flying down it. Gordon also socked Ian the minister with the hose which was halerouse.
am really sad now though thats the last thing i am ever gonna do with the senior YF. tonight is the last thing i will do with the JYF :( but it will soon be over and i will be onto new things

soooooo tired

am recked its been bissy this weekend but it was always going to be. friday night was fun did curcus skills and the young people worked out a little sequance to do with it. then went to the gym and meet up with Gordon and Linda to see batman returns which was brill i mean really really brill go see it.
saturday left the college and went to the church and buttered scones for the aution of tallents which was stunning people were so generouse. the party afterwoulds was hard work but maniged to get through it without crying quite an acheivement. i can tell you. Godon and i spent the rest of the day together which was nice. we went to the park to see if we could play tennis but all the corts were booked so we just went for a walk then we went to the college and played on the x box for a wile and watch some west wing till we fell asleep and decided to go to our verouse beds.
church this morening was hard work got my p45 which felt strange but thats life i guess. again held it together okay. we had a really good discusion on realtionships in pathfinders.

here is my cake from the goobbye party. its once of my fav verces

last essay

just went into college and handed in my last essay just waiting for the results back now which is not stressful until the day before they are due.
i am nearly there this weekend will fly by and i don't have to worry about anything for a wile it will be nice to have a real breck. sitting here watching session 5 of the west wing wishing i haddn't bought it at the being of the month couse now at the end of the month i am short of money oh well we live and learn.
going to goven hill last offical night tonight will be there wenesday but thats unofical.
going to go to the gym tonight first time this week quite looking forward to it get rid of this stress that i have been building up. then linda Gordon and i are going to see batman begins.

there is light it may be small and very far away but its there

So I got my results from ted today and i passed oh the releif although i am still feeling sick though.
i started the day with pat we sat and had a convsation about weddings which was random.
then i went to the college got my results and instead of being strong and just going home to finish the essay i lay on Gordons bed and wolloed in the pain in my head.
Cara sent me home from govern hill said i obvesly needed to sleep. although i must admit to being bad and finishing the first draft of the essay. will sleep better for having it done. my head is getting worse so am gonna take to painkillers and rest wish i had money for a takeaway tonight but i don't oh well such is life.

college

so went in to have our yearly moan at neil this morning which was okay came out of the meeting and we all sat around saying all the things we should have said.
then we sat in worship which was okay but long the guy doing the powerpoint couldn't find be tho my vision so we got alittle confused about the order of the verces ans the guy got the song up and confused even more because he was on the wrong verce it was funny but poor guy.
feeling really ill my head is starting to hurt in the way that puts me in bed for three days and i am doing some sort of gymnasics inside of me. but i have 400 words of the next essay written. don't think i can get through the coming weekend with it not done.

my suspisions were correct

well no one came to bible study but like i said that is not a totaly bad thing although it just means we have to rescedul it.
we took all my boxes to the college which was fine the college basement is neat its full of great pipes and mashems that heat the college its like stepping into a spy movie.
it doesn't feel any diffrent in here as the big stuff hasn't really gone everything that has gone to the college is off shelves and out of cupubords but it is a relife to get stuff moving.

getting to the end of the first pack

so i went into college this morning and am feeling better than yesterday talked to chi and he said that he would get me assined to a okay room and that i would probley be able to move in on the 28th which is such a releif.
saw gordon for a very short period of time outside the college but thats okay and came home and got on with some more packing. i am not sure if anyone will be comeing to bible study tonight i sorta hope not there are boxes everywere and i am not sure where the notes.
i also am feeling quite dizzy and alittle quezy so not really up for it.

sunday and no friends about

so i am having a ruff day i woke up and sat trying to write some more of my essay i had gotten to 972 words last night before i went to bed and beat 1000 before i went to church. on my way to church though i started panicing what if i fail the re-sit i handed in on wenesday last week what if i fail the essay i handed in on the same day. how am i going to get all my packing done. how am i going to help the young people supase exspections next sunday night am i actualy any good at what i do am i actualy making any sort of a diffrence. now all these things past through my mind between the train staion and the church which is less than five minits. then joan came into the youth room and asked me how i was and i broke down. then i had another breck down with wilma. i don't know i was told yesterday that i don't really have that much to cope with but i guess it may be the straw that brecks the cammels back and i am not at my emotional best with this being the start of my final week working for Cathcart Trinity Church. i wish i had someone my age to talk to today but Gordon is on a weekend away and all my other friends are bissy at church so i am just gonna have to cope on my own. i used to be quite good at that.

singing along the way

so it been abit of a strange day really. got up and started packing which is scary although as it turns out i really don't have as much stuff as i thought i did which is a good thing. i went to the paint shop to get spray pain for gordon but he didn't pic up his phone as went to get lindas birthday prezzi from the framers then gordon phoned me twice once to tell me he was on the way to a shop in town to compare prices and again to tell me to get the stuff and i met him in central with it handed it over and got strait back on the train. then sat and sorted out my reading for the next essay.
before going to the McDermids for tea and band practice which was great really really really good.

hummmm not what i planed

okay so i planed to go into the college get some books maybe chat to gordon for an hour and come back do my essay reading so that i could start writing even alittle bit of it tomorrow. well ended up staying at college and having lunch and helping Gordon to clean his room. then went to Goven Hill and enjoyed watching one of the boys joining in to the dance workshop which was really cool.
now am gonna do some reading although food comes first.

essays

so dull day got up sat down and wrote then the computer crashed and i got dressed wile it cooled down i think the problem it is that it keeps overheating.
then i wrote the rest of the essay and finished the second draft of my exergsis which was great.
oh someone handed my camera into a shop so thats fine i have that back now feeling good.

Assesment, sermons and tears

so today has been alittle mad. got up and started writting the essay pritty much strait away got to over 900 words but this one is really not flowing. then did prep for the evening.
had our meeting with steve today which was not much fun really it is never fun to be critised for an hour.
then came home and found ruth sitting in my close she came in and we had a nice chat befor Jamie and Nicol came to talk about what they were going to say at the service on the 26th. we had a really good session. the next thing is the band practice.
JYF was fun although we did have some tears towards the end about some of the young people not wanting to move up it was all resolved by saying that they didn't have to but i guess it is nice that they enjoy the group so much that they don't want to leave.
we finished off with some uni hoc to run off the tears and get the hapy hormons working again. :-)

aftermarth

another long long long day. been going since 8 this morning but thats part and parcil of life.
so had to be in church all ready to teach the kids a drama at 10 didn't relsie that there was a prayer breckfast on so went and sat and drank apple jucie with three of the young people who had made and effort but none of the others came so there will be no drama as they have used up half their rehusal time. it is one less thing for me to do so thats fine.
then church was so tired from yesterday spent it iver dropping of or haveing a quite cry.
came home for a bit of lunch then back to the church for band practice there is still so much to do before the evening service on the 26th.
then home again then caterlyst were i just brock down and started crying a combination of stress tiredness and to much to do. oh well bedtime now nice hot bath.

Frenzy

so 10 hours of music and it was amazing but my ears are still ringing this morning. didn't see the kids for most of the day but that was okay it just ment they were having a great time. Thrid Day were the best of couse would have paid the £30 just to see them so all the other were a total bonus.

cheerleading and claming

well bissy day today woke up and sat down and read some more for my essay still have so much to do urrrrg. also put some questions to ask the the young people at neils group. then went to the paint shop and bought some tarpolin for Gordon. which made me spend the rest of the day woundering were the £10 had gone out of my purse i am blond sometimes.
then went and sat outside the school with one of the young people from Goven Hill waiting for everyone to turn up so we could go to this random youth award opening. the girls were doing cheerleading. which was a great example of young people overcoming the odds as they didn't think they would be able to do it last week. oh and there was some stupid mess up with the cd and they had to do it to the wrong music yet it worked really well.
we took them to Macdonaleds urk which has not improved in the last 4 years. the only problem with all this was that we then went pritty much strait into the group and they had all spent far to much time together. I did circus skills with them but it was abit to involved for them to be able to cope with so not many of them took part this week.
Steve came for my assesment which was good Cara was really complemtary to my youth work i am a claming influance.
then from there i went to the college spent 20 mins with Gordon and went to marters to talk to the young people there about soical exclusion and how it effected them. i must say they are some of the most well ballanced socaily exscluded young people thats probly a complement to the people are Marters.

so a good day at college today although didn't get a lunch break again and its all steves fault i waited around for him get out of his assements with the third years and then when he did apear he ran away! for another 20minits leaving me with 10 minits to go and get a drink before class it could not be helpt really my fault as well as i should have guessed he would have been forever with the 3rd years.
Linda and I went to see the pacifier which was not the best story but very funny in places.

bible study day

went to the gym this morning and then went and bought a new swimming costume which was fun.
then did prep for bible study the rest of the day which ended in doing bible study which was great fun although had the quitest memebers of the YFs and so disscusion was hard to get going didn't do to badly.
now watching the west wing and thinking about going to bed.

cleaning

woke up with a mirgrain so desided not to hit the books but take it slowley and get the flat clean so that i can clean concentrait on things that are important than the fact that the flat is a mess. also did all the ironing although i have created more by doing washing again. oh well
been a good day though and Gordon is coming over to watch vanity fair with me which i am really looking forward to!!

a good day

i have had a really plesant day today. woke up after a really desturbed night one of the things which disturbed me was a lady running out of the close wailing that someone didn't love her any more poor lady.
I read for a bit and went into town and met up with Kat for a hot choc and chat in Wesly Ownes which was really nice.
then came back to the flat and did some more reading before going to goven hill with the circus skills stuff. there were only two kids but that was fine we had a laugh sat outside again for a bit and got them both throwing and catching deabolos by the end of the night.
then went to the gym which was hard work and couldn't remeber how to work some of the mashems but it will all come with time. bought some fresh fruit and veg on the way home and am about to get into a well deserved bath yay.

don't we look nice together this is from when we went to cambrige. Gordons Grandad is the person on my right.

Thoughts about Gordon and Me

So Gordon and I have been going out for nearly 10 months now. and this week we have been going through abit of a ruff patch. which is okay they are to be exspected. Gordon says i shouldn't beat myself up but it is mainly my fault that we have been having these arguments. I have been in search for a fight i think.
I love this man I could see us spending the rest of our lives together infact thats what I would really like. Next year is not going to be easy but I really think that we can survive and my emotions should be better next year and so able to cope better. I give us fairly good odds as to weather we are going to make it. this has been a bit of a ranmbal sorry if i borded any one.

dum dee dum

been a okayish day spent the morning reading for the next essay then to goven hill were we randomly sat outside because the hall was far to hot to be able to sit inside. it was quite funny really we sat in a circal and just chatted we must have looked odd but it was good youth work.
then Cara and i had a chat about how i was doing i am a claming infulance people have said that before. quite pleased with that really.
then went to the patons and mcdermids for dinner which was nice as always looked at some of the freebe gagets that mo had gotten from the hospital when some drug companies had arrived.
Gordon and i had a minor fight about the hole phone thing again. oh well we will get it sorted at some point.

cowardination

sad no new e-mails this evening feeling very lonley at the moment which is silly as i have just come from a group.
the group which was okay but very quite again we played with the i toy which was funny. now i am not cowardinated at all but the kids i were playing with were so not cowardinated at all maybe its because i spend alot of time combating my disabilaties that i actualy get better than the average person at some things. hance me not being terrible at putting on saturday and stuff something to think about.
have actualy written myself into a better mood which is novel.

college

college was hard work. basiclay didn't stop as i was running round during the first breck joined in with a meeting about what is good and bad about the course for the exsternal examinors which was intresting.
then the second break was not really long enough and the mean lecturer didn't give us the last break and ran over the end of class.
went to see Kingdom of heaven on my own it was dull but i have seen it now there really isn't much on at the pics at the moment.
came home and felt suddenly really insecure which i think had been building up from sunday when Imran turned up at church were he should not be. Gordon was no real help when i phoned him to try calm myself down. did not sleep well.