park

had a lovley day today. it didn't start well because i work up with a migrain but it was the type of headake that would shift with syndole and a bit of exersize. i had a great desire to get out of the city as was not in a fit state to deal with crouds which i don't think Gordon picked up on when we went clouthes shopping for what felt like hours i could have cryed.
but as soon as we got away from the center started to feel better and when we got to the park we had a amazing time playing golf i beat him yay which was a suprise and bowls then we walked miles in the wrong direction but it was lovley couse we just chatted about random stuff like boyfriends and girlfriends should do sometimes.
am now home and feeling lonely.

sunday

lead pathfinders this morning was not the best but was not the worst i have ever done so thats okay. went to the patons for tea which was lovley then we had an amazing worship service. and an okayish YF session.

we raised £177.03 for ecrad yesterday pluse some coppers that i recived tonight but havn't counted yet.

pleasantly suprised

just got back from the Gym and have been plesantly suprised by how fit i am so did the half hour induction which was pritty easy stuff and then spent another half an hour doing some more intence caredo stuff and coped then walked most of the way home which is about 3 miles are you impressed you should be.

information bord about ecrad and a donation pot the young people put this together doesn't it look great

the notice bord i made to advertise the youth work in the church

the boiled eggs from the eggs and toast event

ecrad coffee morning

Eggs and Toast. i arrived at the church this morning at 9 and proceded to start setting up for the coffee morning we were decorating eggs incoriging people to take collection pots to work and Three young people came help at the start Steve Graham and Margo then Andy came in for a bit and Heather arrived neara to the end there was a good atmopher although came very close to having an arugment with a lady about her resions for not giving money to charity. the egg painting was a great sucsess although no one wrote any letters.
At the end we discovered that we had raised over £130 which is really really cool we thought we wouldn't get much more the £60. took ages to clean up but thats life going to the gym in half an hour what fun.

getting there

it has been totaly mad today although did a daft thing this morning went into town with out the video camera for gordon and so i had to come all the way back to get it. durrrrrr.
we went out for lunch which was also a mistake but a very enjoyable and nice one we went to the new italian buffet which was lovley and were Gordon is thinking of having his graduation meal.
then ran home and started printing photos and writting captions for this notic bord that i was making for the Yfriday gig tonight.
bought a laminator this morning so that it would all take less time which is did yay. then i went to church and put it all together and joined in with the stewarding jobs. which was fun the arm bands kept falling off so mine ended up around my head. Yfriday were great as always which is the case although that was the only bit of the concert i got to get in in but that is the price we pay and i was close enough to hear the rest. :) now am printing out stuff for the morning.

well have spent the day running about which has been okay but tiring and i am very tired now.
but everything is starting to come together so thats good.
spent an hour with Gordon then went a joined the gym as i am reduclously unfit and need to sort that out.
then goven hill and i did circus skills which was fun.

walking in the rain

so have spent the day doing things for saturday my head still hurts from yesterday but oh well there is not much i can do about that. have a load of eggs to empty of their yokes so that we can use them on saturday as well.
also started making a blankate.
goven hill was quite tonight we only have four kids most of them stayed through in the computer sweet that has just opened. it was funny as they had cleared all the eqipment into the church a locked it and we didn't have a key so there was basicaly nothing other than a ball twister and jenga for the young people to interact with. although i had some good convosations with the young people and have started building some okay relationships with them.
it has been raining all day and got soaked on the way there and on the way back.

ouch

everything hurts my arms my legs and most of all and most cripling of all my head yes i have a mirgrain. and the frustrating thing is that there is no real reasion for me to have a migrain at the mo. and the big problem is i have alot of work to do over the next few days that cannot be put off for this so the desire to just sleep has to be crushed untill monday.
oh i have no idea why my arms and legs hurts iver very strange

and so it goes on

i am honistley the most dippy person alive i must be. we ment to be going to the prision this morning with the rest of my class to see how things work there but got my weeks confused and thought it was next week some how. so did not have my passport this morning. and of course my drivers licence was stollen a few weeks ago.
oh well i have some time to read for class now which is good.

child protection

pathfinders went well this morning we had treats and learned about the church of ephisus. the guys seems to really enjoy it so am quite pleased with myself.
had child protection training this afternoon and was quite sad about it, it didn't really cover the things it needed to cover like the processes of dealing with a child who was disclosing some sort of abuse i could have screemed and almost got up and added to it but i just felt like i would have been shouted down.
got yf now quite looking forward to it when it ends will have a nice long bath and get straite into bed i think which will if i am honist be the highlight of my day.

Your Dominant Thinking Style:

Exploring You thrive on the unknown and unpredictable. Novelty is your middle name. You are a challenger. You tend to challenge common assumptions and beliefs. An expert inventor and problem solver, you approach everything from new angles. You show people how to question their models of the world.

Your Secondary Thinking Style:

Visioning You are very insightful and tend to make decisions based on your insights. You focus on how things should be - even if you haven't worked out the details. An idealist, thinking of the future helps you guide your path. You tend to give others long-term direction and momentum.

What's Your Thinking Style?

Uphall and Broxburn

had a nice day yesterday although got very tired and dizzy by the end of it.
had a meeting with bill in the morning but we didn't really have anything to talk about and so it was very short.
then went to have a look around broxburn and uphall with Gordon (thats were he is going to work next year) it was a place a council estate tacked onto a villege it was very gray and sorta run down.
then we went to TGI Fridays for dinner which was very nice.
the only problem with the day was that Gordon was tired from being out all night the night before and so he was not in the best of moods. and i got tired very quickly as i have not been well.
ended up with me feeling very insecure and staying longer than i should have when we were so tired.

romeo and juliet

Jul: Wilt thou be gone? it is not yet near day. it was the nightingale, not the lark that piece'd the fearful hollow of thine ear; nightly she sings on yound pomegranate tree. believe me, me my love it was the nightingale
Rom: it was the lark, the herald of the morn, no nightingale.
she wants him to stay, so they can make love one more time; he fears for his life, he wants to go. Finally she convinces him; and now he wants to stay, and she longer wants him to stay

Augusto Boal has a very good point with this passage of Shakspear the sensible thing is not always the thing i want but i will always come round to it in the end suddenly don't hate juliet as much as i did when i was 13 might even stoop to seeing my least favourte tudor play ever again. although any play would do at the mo am hungry for the theater. this quote is from a chapture on the counter will the ideas that are in our head that stop us from going after the thing we want without thoughts for other people and so forth. It is all fasinating although i do not think i have exsplained it that well.

sleep

trobled sleep what fun couldn't get to sleep for hours had one of these stupid nights when my mind just wouldn't turn off urg. ended up drinking hot choclate infrount of the last episode of west wing on the disc.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

You Are 25 Years Old

25 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

victory

I wounder why it is that i have an inability to give my problems up to anyone.
I complain alot i relise that but the problems i talk about are usaly the least important onse. i find it so hard to tell people when they hurt me or when i am hurting. i find it hard to tell God which is the real problem. and when i do tell God i find it so hard to let the problems go and let him help me with them as much as i know he can.
the fundermental problem i think is that i am prod of the fact that i deal with things on my own and get embarrsed when i do need help. i feel that i am somehow not worth anything if i relinquish control of these things totaly. if i do not do things on my own without help then somehow when i am victoriesous over those thing it is not my victory and i need victory.

madness

tehe random fact the drugs that the doc gave me this morning can give you nasel stiffness how random is that i wounder what it is like. ohohoh and non mothery type people can start producing milk. of course these are only side effects and so don't always happen or even often happen. tehe

ill

so not much to report as i am not well i have been sleeping on my couch and not doing much else just been to the docs and he ses i have an inner ear infection which i have not chance of spelling and has given me some drugs he says that it may not go away for a hole month though which sucks.
Gordon came over to keep me company on sunday which was lovley for me but i think it was not so much for him since i had the heating up and was asleep and his sholder for most of it oh well such is life. yesterday was just a haze. keep thinking that i now only have 5 weeks work with my young people and that makes me sad as now this has made me miss one of them.

stong hot choclate

so yesterday was a good day apart from a few minor gliches. spent the morning with Gordon he made a very nice curry for lunch and we watched the west wing.
then he went to work and i went home and did the dishes. then again back into town and we wondered around game shops looking for a game he wanted but didn't find it and morned the fact that neither of our computers can run any of the new games.
then i went to borders with the people from next years placment which was fun although the hot chocolate was alittle strong.
i lost my purse so then spent the rest of the night at home canceling cards ho hum the wind and the rain.

this morning could have been better went to church for my supervisers meeting and he didn't show thinking that there must be something very wrong as he doesn't normaly forget these thing. now gonna do prep and stuff. the joys

bit misreable

had quite a plesant day today although the black cloud that has been folling me round the last few weeks has not lifted. had lunch with gordon and watched some of the west wing which was nice although he had to get on with some work so i fell asleep on his bed which has made me feel a little groggy. gonna go do some washing up now.

so a sad day today. mum phoned me just before i headed out to goven hill and told me that Pippin the cat you see above was at the vets and that he has a tumor in his chest that is making it hard for him to breath and putting presure on his heart. she wanted to know what i wanted to do as the vet suggested that we tried kemo theopy on him but said it would be missrealble for him and it even then might not. so i had to tell her that she should put him down she and rob agree with me so at some point tonight this mad cat will no longer be alive am feeling very low. i mean we hand raised this cat bottle fed him and everything when he was a kitten.

silly me

my goodness i think i just had the best night sleep i have had for months. as most people know i have been having problems with nightmares for a wile but have been trying some pritty obvouse stuff surgested by the lovley Noelle and it is starting to work i think.

i went for a walk in queens park on monday night with my mp3 player set to random and had the most amazing worship time although i could not sing along with the songs outload or at least at the top of my voice (public place didn't really want all the dog walkers to tell me to shut up and stop sounding like a diying cat) i walked around and marveled at the beatuy of Gods creation. honistly it has been such a long time since i felt motovated to dance (often a problem as well since my cowardination and sence of timing leave alot to be desired) one of the outcomes of my walk was that i relised that i hadn't been in a worship service were i had just let everything go and worshiped for such a long time it is rediculouse. i need to go somewere were there are no young people to worry about gonna try and get to goven hill on saturday although even there sometimes it is hard to worship.

college was okay yesterday not much to report. reading week next week what fun.

.

exodus, exodus, exodus

so sitting here with the books for my exergesis trying to be motivated to write the thing although i have gotten further today than i have in the last few weeks so thats good. although it is amazing how much time you can waist doing random stuff like making soup and putting together parcels.
going to do some resurch into games for the young people now and then spend an one last hour reading for this essay.

would you put your hand in the fire?

does the fact that people have stoped doing something always mean that, that thing is not a good thing?
there have been some odd people commenting on my blog resently and i looked at one of there blogs which is dedicated to mocking other people because they do not conform to what the person narrow minded outlook on life. (this is definatly a person who need Jesus)
so in reading this blog i came across the fact that this person was not resticting their comments to adults but to a 14 year old amircan christian which i thought was horrid and said so. in reply to my comment someone said that christianity was pointless and was shown to be because no one was worshiping God any more and pointed to the fact that people had been putting jedi as their religion on the cencus.
well i have been thinking about this and have come to the conclusion that, the decline in christian worship in this country has been followed by suiside rates rising. by people with mental health problems, such as depression becoming more common and a definate breck down in community. i beleive that indervidulaisum is wrong, that we need community and we should live for community. we all know that exersize is good for us be how many people actualy do the recomended 30mins a day how many people eat their five portions of fruite and veg? just because the magority of people do not do these thing, does not make not doing them good for us. it just shows how daft humans are. oh and most people are surching for something spirtual to fill the space left by not accespting God. if you have ever read your horriscope (which are a lot of rubbish) then you cannot say that you do not want more.
and if you have never really investigated Christ as a way of filling that need i recomend you do because i can vouch for the fact that you will not ever have to look further.

clean slate

oh freedom have now told the young people so can blog about whats been going on with me at last.
two weeks ago i had a meeting with bill and dougie this was the one which i got really worked up about. well actauly had real reasion to be abit worked up about it all as the outcome was that i have to change placements next year.
so have spent the last two weeks confurming what i am going to do next year. so i am going to go to sight hill and marters which is were holly is leaving so thats good. although i need to confurm with them that i am going.
told the young people this morning which went as well as it could Gordon was there and we spent the afternoon together went for a walk in the park which was really good fun. i have also introduced him to the west wing which is good.
but it is so good couse i do not feel that i am lieing to my young people and church any more so happy again.

another long day

so wake up this morning after a day of feeling very very low with one exspetion but i still can't talk about that. felt better labor won which felt very pleased about even if it is not the best win that they have ever had. then Gordon phones me and says that Kat is very unwell and that i should come in to college and keep her company wile she went to the doctors. which was okay.
then went to goven hill and did circus skills which was good fun the kids were really responded well and were so pleased when they acheived things although i wish i had had more leaders who new what they were doing so that i could concetrait on single young people more. next week will do it one thing at a time.
i am so tired now and so low again i want to curl up in a little ball and sleep but it is far to early. pray for me.

not the best day

well have had a ruff day all in all think it may have carried on from yesterday which was also pants towards the end. just spent the day randomly bursting into tears or sitting looking at my pile of work and not doing it. but i guess i will survive gonna have a curry for tea a bath and an early night hopefuly will wake up to a better day tomorrow quite looking forward to voting which i beleive some people will find strange but i think that people who do not vote are not perticulay clever really.

my schools placment was good tonight though so its not all been gloom and doom.

lunch time in youth min room

so i am sitting in the youth min room waiting for the next class to start suzi and jen are both here to and random people keep woundering in and out looking for the course leader who has hide somewere so no one can actualy find him. not suprising after having our class this morning tehe. well honistly we are not that bad but well must be alittle depressing teaching a class that was mostley late and not looking that intrested in what he had to say.

actauly had a really good weekend down with Gordons family it was really hard work and alittle stressful in places but by far better than i had exsected so that was good. mum came over for her birthday and we went punting which was great i even had a go and didn't fall in!!!

the train up the country was alittle less fun than the train down couse we were so tired then i hung about all afternoon and jen kat gordon and i went to see hitch hickers guide to the galixy which was well not as good as the books but i guess it never really could be.

went home to find the place as i had left it which was good couse i forgot to close a window but bad because i had left it in a mess. although who would have cleaned it for me in that time i don't know so never mind it will be a fun job for thursday for tomorrow.