YF was load today ouch. But good they really get into controvershal subjects like the oclut (which was tonights) it is so good that they feel that they can share within the group.
not sure what to do with myself now bt high to try and sleep. go and read a book or something i should. Really could do with someone to talk too and bounce about with in that sort of mood.

humm just got back from church and the internet guy has sent me a link to a thing called church off fools it a vertual church with services and everthing.
anyway besides playing with silly computers i have been a bissy bee with finishing the last essay that i have to write this year and preparing my YF for tonight have to do some drama at church.
the exstreem force thing which is painful truly painful.
never mind have discovered that going home will be imposible till after heart and soul after all but such is life.
well thats me really church was church and life is life gonna go and finish my prep.

I really badly need to get my hair cut really badly wounder what new and exsiting thing i will deside to do with by monday when i go to one of the many salons in cathcart and get it done moday is a day off it will be a day off it will it will oh not it can't have another assement meeting pooh pooh pooh why has it suddenly become impossible to find time to rest were has all that wounderful free time gone. on the good side if i get this next essay finshed today and do this meeting that means by wenesday i will be free from assement presure and can just ride the wave till the end of the year yay. Praise God

went to Y friday last night was slightly dissapointed with the poor turn out from college.
Y-Friday was exerlant love it came out feeling better than when i went in. although i would critise the way the heart and soul people talked for ten minits and did their video thing in the middle of the gig not very profesional i thought i mean they should of done it at the beging or the end if they were gonna do it or not at all really since we went to hear music. I know they need people to go but it really started to turn me off going before the girl had finished and i am going.
had a camp meeting this morning which was okay stayed at the college last night so i didn't need to get up to early which was good. head hurts now mind which is not the best.

silly market resurch people always after my time i think they see me coming and think good nice girl will nab her. well it's just tacken me half and hour to get through them all I don't know one after another after another. am at the college about to do some work humph well i guess it dosn't happen that offten.
hehehehe

Good day went to the park again this afternoon and had a great time pushing girls on a swing even though they din't need to be pushed at all so minamal effort but is nice just to spend time with them.
think i suprised one of the other leaders today by the way i handled the volitile tempars of some of the young people mind just cose i speak nicely dosn't mean that i am all that sheltered.
And do you know I like the attention just as much as the kids do so working with them and this goes for the Cathcart bunch and giving them the attention that i can give them means that i get the attention that i like having guess it all comes from wanting to be on the stage and that basic human need for others. feeling warm and fuzzy

wow its amazing i have been so bissy today and yet i can say that i am not overley tired. amazing thats a frist.
how my first pastoral session with Wilma this morning it was great we sat and chatted and found out stuff about each other and drank hotchaoclate in the collest little restraint called choclate heaven which is just that really nice cakes i am telling you really nice.
then had my assment with Steve for Paisly which was cool felt Ros probly didn't critisie me anoth i mean how am i gonna learn new stuff if people don't show me were to go but then again maybe i truly didn't make to meny mistakes.
then we took the kids to the park to dissapered after being monsters and we told their perants that they ahd run off and so resighnd responsibliaty for them then we played with these huge balls with our one remaining girl who actualy started to shine out the presance of the others was so chuffed.
had to train it as car is still bust and will be till next week ho hum
its been a good day

Just had a good moment worked out how to put the links back on my blog which had gone when i changed the style with alittle help from Andy who i have been having an MSN convo across the room most funny.
oh and by the way college despite the bad parts like losing my purse. and oh oh oh I got a B and the last Essay i rote i am so happy about that since i thought for sure i had failed it.

Do you know I relised something today and it is not particaly nice. genaly not the best when you find out thing about yourself that i just not nice. I guess i new about it before but just ignored it. It is that i am so prowd and narrow minded that i forget about other peoples needs and wants and focus only on my own. If anyone who is reading this has exseranced this horrible part of my personality I am sorry and will be trying to make it up. Luckly for me as for other people I hae a Gracefull God who tells you about the bad things in you and then helps you learn how to not be them even if it takes forever. anyhow on that cheerful note i will finish love you all think your all great.

JYF went well tonight which is a releife. although not particulay inspartional. it would be nice mind if once we didn't have one of the membrs bursting into tears on us. humm tricky it seems however cheerful my message is (like tonights you can do it) someone still starts crying.

just been writting a very long essay but nearly at the end finishing tuches then read though and all done and onto the next one gonna get both finished so that i don't have to worry about them anymore and can feel sum stress leave my body. yay
what a fun life i do lead.

well my life what a bussy weekend.
went to town Friday and meet Noelle and Steph we eat at a Japanees restront all something like wagamungas it was lovely and so nice to sit and chat Noelle knows alot about food so we had a good gide through all the goodies on the menu.
then Noelle and I went back to Stephs wile she went to a uni friends party. well we chatted till steph came home then we had a sing song which was most fun as steph had written out most of the songs from Uganda.
next day we ran for the train to largs but missed it and went to another cost town and another island got sunburnd slightly walking around and put flowers in our hair hehe arnt we girlee.
eat lunch in a coffee shop which was the best and missed the ferry then nearly missed the next one as steph desided to run on ahead of us and get postcards?????? so i stood on the ferry wile Noelle waited on the dock leaving them behind would not of been to bad but steph made it so all was fine.
we split up in paisly they wanted to find the YWAM base there and I went to the battle of the bands which was good although the sound man did not do the bands justice. almost colapsed from exsorstion so left before the end and sleeped.
Had church came home sleept again did YF and sleept feeling much better after all that sleep.

well madness so tired so will blog better tomorrow if i have time but (to coin a phrase) God has totaly blessed me this weekend seeing Noelle and Steph we have had such a good time runing for trains running for ferryes and so forth wish there was more time to spend.
battle of the bands went off really well it is all good. head hurts ears rining have red face from the sun sleep know talk later.

Have had a nothingness morning done lots but feel like i have done nothing and have so much left still to do it is really rather depressing almost makes me wish i wasn't going to see Noelle and Steph thiseving and spend the day with them tomorrow almost. no i am really looking forward to seeing them it will be such good fun. eeeek need to get going so much to do so little time in which to do it all. arrrrrg

playing cheekers with my bro onl;ine most fun. had a really good day really tired but satisfiyed for once with my work at paisly which is good.
he just gave up on acount of me beating him into the ground ses it becasue mums shouting don't beleive him one inch. never mind bro one day they will put chess on and then you will beat me into the ground.
anyhow like i was saying fairly good day. the kids really liked circus skills and thought my balloon creations were fair which was good they were most impressed with the fact that i could do all these things without being in the curcus hobbys pay off it seems. yay

it shouldn't amaze me how much people change over time anymore but it does. I have been looking at photos of Andy one of my young people whos family i am staying with at the mo from before i come and he has changed so much but that is to be exspected he is still a young person. But it got me onto thinking about my friends and how much we must off changed. I mean take my school friend Dan (hey dan if your reading this) at school he was often ill really overwhight and the lovest guy around now he is not ill ever as far as i know slim and hunky (see i am nice arnt i) and even more of a lovely person. then there is the team i went to Uganda with it would take me mounths to list how all of them have changed after just seeing them for a few hours. now i wounder how much i have changed within myslef i wounder what it would be like to look though one of my old friends eyes at me. I also wounder how much the people i have fairly day to day contact with have changed to the people who new them before because we all change and effect each other wow isn't God amazing because it is really him doing all the changing and him who is putting you near the people who ar influancing you and and vise a versa wow. gonna stop rambaling but end with this last though how much to we effect the lives of people we only have a small amount of contact with people like shop attendace and waiter people like thoughs who sell the big issue? Do you think that we can change a life in less than a minit possibly not but we might make a day better.

i have a very strange fanominon going on here when i click the veiw blog link it somes up with some quite out of date posts and none of my more resant stuff but when i type in my blog adress maniualy then i see that the hole thing is working properly any clues why this might be happening?

just had a man come into my room and clib out of my window onto the roof.
this stange behaviour was not due to him having suisidel tendencyes at least he came back in after a bit he was a block cleaning the chimny but it made me feel quite unsettled so i went downstars till he had finished and gone.
watched vegie tales with steve this morning very good fun.

having a rotten day burst into tears early this afternoon which mean that the smallest thing sends me off crying for the rest of the day.
the origanl resions for bursting in tears was that i was in a meeting and it all just got to much because they were giving me information which it was hard to process.
processing things is getting harder i guess it is all about comeing to the end of the frist year and having a rotten week last week it will get better and i will servive. so ho hum the wind and the rain.

so tired have been on the go all day and if five minits need to be on the go again. good news about the flat happend though it is all gonna be fine and dandy and hopefully i will be in by the end of the frist week in june. but i shall not get my hopes up to high as it was said that it would be by easta.
now its time to go and do the final tuches to YF before I face the hords. :-)

went to see troy with others today very good film. then did youth cafe which was fun took the juggling stuff in made lots of random shapes with the balloons and no dodgy shapes which i was quite impressed by we had the largest numbers for a long time which was encoriging but only two leaders so we ewre both run off our feet for the intire evening.

well as you can see i got bord today and started messing round with my blog should have been looking for stuff for my YF on sunday but oh well i will do that in a bit.
so now i have a conter thingy and a tag bord thingy so that people can talk on here bit worred about the level of sadness i am showing at the mo oh well just keep swimming

had a good night a paisly brock up a fight just to have the boys in question at it again almost at once. this was over who would get first bat in the game of rounders that we were playing. it was all fun and gmaes considering this was a grils night and the boys were only playing because they happend to be on the field when we got there.

got back from paisly not the best night ever the Girls didn't come for the group so no need to worry about messing up with the circus stuff. and the boys put three nails in three diffrent tyres i had to be brought home by the AA not the best at all.
But i guess such is life. although i am alittle concrened that now they know that it is fairly easy to get under the bonet of my car eeeek.
Total drama happend though as the police come and took one of the boys away wile we were waiting for the AA this was because he was not behaving the night before.
have hayfever as well need anti hysamens but can't get any till the morning.
so genraly feeling quite low hopefully it will all look better in the morning.

Got my new juggling stuf this morning just in time phew so working hard to get all thoughs rusty skills back up to scrach before tonight it should be fun. I havn't done a workshop since the last christmas i spent at home more than a year ago bit scary and that was in balloons. eeek why did i offer to do this again?

had a talk with With Steve about life work and assesments it's all good he is a lovley man.
am woundering around ranbomly abit not sure what to do should be studying but so not in the mood to do that no real point since gotta go into kens in a bit oh well such is life still havn't worked out why college is weired.

I am having such a good week last night J YF were owsame they were stars entered into the discusion didn't do all the things that anoy me so much and were just great.
Having a bit of a weired day at college not sure why it feels wired it just does maybe its because its a study day but don't think so maybe because it's my frist study day since not living at the college strange.

The YF last night was brill we were talking about worship but then we got onto spritual gifts and had the best conversation about them what they are how we get them. they want more stuff on this next week which is really cool so loooking forward to next week.

Oh my life so so tried think I have had less than 6 hours sleep since i last blogged. but am still awake.
Maryes party was brill bouncing on boncy castles in a resently contructed barns upper floor which i mean recently contructed like finish minint to spare. all good of course since we were all damsels bocy castles were quite intesting on the hole showing alittle to much thigh side never mind we all ended up right at the end of the eving getting changed so we could really play.
It was so good to see the girls again they or you if it is one of you reading this have all changed to much how wounderful it is to see people after such a long time and see that that time has improved apon a masterpeace. Although I think that meeting more regualy would be a good idea.
fell aspleep on the train and ended up feeling quite sick by the time i got home but have battled though YF and am now contomplating a nice warm room with a nice warm bed and a good long sleep.

hot and sticky but happy.
all my new circus stuff is coming on tuesday just in time for my next workshop yay i have made friend with the nice man from the shop you have to i have spocken to him so much the past cupple of days as he and i messed up in the order department.

on the down side some boys stoll my brothers phon and sent me some very abusive Text messeges i new it wasn't ant but i was very upset by the hole thing they were getting quite prsonal. urk

Hotmail is rubbish it want let me get to my e-mails which is very vexing. I don't know the hole system has been playing up for the past cupple of days what is it with computers internet and such like not working why can nothing ever work properly sometimes i wish for the days of no comunication apart from handing you post to a person who was heading in the right direction and hopeing at lest that way you didn't get frustraited when things didn't work/ although the telliphone is quite a good idea maybe we should put all our money into maing teliphone better and make it free and then we would all be happy gonna stop rambling now as it is getting very silly.

Have super pain in the head. and a stupid flate tyer well both things can be fixed. I am sooooo looking forward to the weekend going down to Manchester to see all my bestest best friends in the hole world it is so exsiting i wish tomorrow was today and we were all together already. but sadley it all will end far to soon as i have to be back at church sunday to do YF in the evening oh well life goes on and we will have the best time till then.

have been sitting in my room all day feeling slightly nervose about essays to write but not doing anything of any real vaule towards getting them written to tired. Went to Bills to drop off some paper work and got cort in the rain which was a pain and a half i don't know silly me.
Just had dinner with the gran of the family that i am staying with she is a nice lady.
Pheona and i sat and worked out stuff that i might need for the flate and there is alot of stuff the main problem is that we don't know what is going to get left behind and whats not that is a project for next week ho hum it's hard life isn't it.

hummm still sick doing things i shouldn't like going into town and trying to go to work i know i should be resting i know before anyone else tells me off. I don't know it is just hard to take time off when you know that there is so much to do.
College libary as Kat and i discovered today does not have half the books that we need to write the essays that are coming up oops. she was off to complain when i left college today. arms feel like lead wights quite strange when typing going to sleep now. bye

tryed to go the college today but failed the virose type thing i have concored and it didn't take much of a push from Linda and Suzi to get me to go home. so i lasted all of 5 min which was fun going to sleep now don't rember the last time i had to sleep during the day not good not good at all.

feeling rotten have been since yesterday so have basicly spent the day in and around my bed which is sad since it was a nice day and so forth. never mind church was okay yesterday Wilma challenged the congratgtion with someting like 'just because you come to church it does not make you a chirstian' i was ready to go all penticostel and cheer but i think that have been discomunicated (if you can do that in a CofS) anyhow it was good then we took to YF to the cript at queens park baptic it was a good service andvery diffrent to what they are used to we are all gonna talk it over next week.

urk i think i am coming down with a cold urk apart from that fairly cheery if aperlutly exsorsted was supposed to go to the cinima last night with people from college i woke up in the morning and just new i was not gonna be feeling well enough after work to go and it would off been silly to stay over anyhow as i would have to come back to cathcart frist thing to have my supervisers meeting which was arranged last minit and then go back again to go to loch lomond which is our little trip today os jolly good sort of wish i could just lye in bed all day i am so tried you would not beleive i need a breack i think don't think i am gonna get one though.

just come back from a really good service we just welcomed our new asoshate minister it was a great service and am really pleased for Wilma I think she will be a great minister.
so tired though really it is stupid how tired i am once i come back from paisly.
but i guess work tired is good tired and i am greatfull for this oppertunity to serve even in such a small way. i praise God so much for eveything that he has done in my life and there are so meny things to praise him for that i can't keep up it is truly amazing that he even bothers with us and yet he does and somehow today i have felt loved and comfortble more so than i have in weeks and i am glad that i am tired in his service and i am glad that he makes me able to do that work. yay

blimy am in troble, as is usal for the end of the mounth i have no money but should be paid monday oh no bank holiday but thats not why i am in troble today i have almost no petrol left to get me to work due to getting lost twice yesterday i used up more petral than i would off normaly in the trips that i made now for the frist time in ages i am running on empty i have a plan though so it will all be okay.

i have only just gotten up oops was reading left behind book and could not move till i got to the end but now i have finished it and am not motivated to do anything not even get dressed propely since i am stll wearin my PJs top but such is life and i have to get motovated as i have placment tonight it should be a laghf see how the grils did in their bag packing exsplotes and stuff.

left the prayer day early as it just all got to much and watched the butterfly effect which is a really good film then came home cooked my food and sat filling in silly forms as i had gotten my post this morning not very profoun really my life at the moment am feeling quite stressed. not somthing that can be totaly dealt with till i finaly move into my flat and don't feel like i am being watched 24/7 but thats enough complaining for now

i have just had a great laghf playing rounders at the back of the college with a totlay mad lectura which was a good thing to do. we are havinga prayer day at the college which has been good bonie has organised it so it has been better than antisapated go bonie i have always been ill for prayer days at college I don't really like such things being told when to stand and when to sit and such like but like i said this was really quite good.

the sun has got his hat on hip hip huray the sun has got his hat on and is coming out the play yay

just got back from caterlist whichwas great very refeshing and very challenging. I took three lads home got two of them to the destinations without misshap yay. and am taking andy who is one of the young people i am staying with at this family house i am staying at and we turn into a road no traffic for miles and he casualy ses to me um shouldn't we be on the other side of the road oops
it has been a good day though sitting in the sun reading bible then book and just being relaxed summer i on it' way be happy.

well the spring fair went well we raise over £200 pounds which was good the rain kept off which was also good. I got so wet in the soak the youth leader that i looked like i hd just fallen into a river or something. not the worst thing in the world the kids loved throughing spunges at us but the minister got the largest crowd. No not bitter at all not bitter hehehehehehe
so tired though now came home washed my hair and have been watching dvds since in a sort of stupper.

well i am thanking the Lord for my Life tonight my inebilaty to cowardinate hit me wile i was driving to paisly and i almost died sevril times just getting in a muddel.
then on the way back i got lost in the one-way which was a pain as it was dark and i could not see the sighns properly but happy am home am feeling better aout tomorrow and have drunk iron bru so bounsing of the walls with no one to bounce with as the family have gone to bed. need someone to play monopoly with but their sadly is no one. never mind would play agenst my computer if i could find the disk don't know were it is quite vexing really. I went to a disco put on by paisly young people which although was not very well attended was very good the kid who did the djing were exerlant at it. and i am always amazed but how God put the most amazing gifts in people if you look at them you would never of gest it is truly cool i love to see people in their eliment. so happy gonna try and sleep now ho hum

having a freeky can hear a bird but can't locate it not sure if it is in the eves which is fine in the house which ould mean that some action is eeded abd i am not good with flying things or outside which is best quite strange really.
not in the mood to go the plament today to much to do not looking forward to tomorow if the weather is like it is the moment haveing wet spunges throughn at me is at the bottem of the list of things i most want to do with my day so pray for sunshine. The Sping Fair should be good but it would be so much better with out rain really it would. personaly i cn't wait till it is over.

arg the commputer wont open hotmail properly i can see that i have 5 e-mails but can't get to them.
went to perants of the people i am now living with for dinner tonight old people like to give you lots of food not such a good thing have spent the evening feeling slightly bloted.
But they were lovely people and good cooks which makes up for it i have had a good night i think.

I have gotten loades done today but feel like i have done nothing slightly anying to tell the truth i look at the pile of work acheved and think loads then lookat the pile of work to be acheived and think oh my life what am i gonna do then i get all worried about not being able to find half mystuff as i am still living out a suitcase in someones attic in a land far far away from rime or resion and feeling alittle stressed at having o be on my best behavoiu at all times an't wounder round in PJs as i am living with two aderlesant boys who are atendees of my church and that is just not the image that they should have of their youth worker. oh well still haven't thought of what i was going to say yesterday i think al hope is gone and you have missed out neer mind.

shrek is a good movie this is not the thing that i had to say i just thought that i would point that out for all thoughs people who might not b apreshating it as much as they used to. hehehehehe

I had something to say when i sat down but it has gone completly out of my mind. so i will ramble on about my day and see if the very insitful coment that i had to give he world comes back in the prosess. (beleive me your all missing out i thought when i though the thing i had to say that is very good i must say it to as meny people as possible oh um)
well due to fun and games i am not going to placmet this evening or tomorrow just Friday which could be tacken in two way 1st yay a unexspected holiday 2nd oh dear i am gonna have to make up thoughs hours somewere else. I want tell you which way i thought about it.
so did reading and prep for most of the day which was good if alittle dull going to go and put some questionares try ad get some productive feedback about my work and were it can be better i say try it may happen it may not i am not the best at writing questionairs possible should try and do it some other way as well but this way the quite onse are more likley to participate arge to much going on in my head starting to justify my actions on my blog am i going crazy (anyone how comments 'going?' will be slaped when i see them) hehehehe insihtful thing has not come back into my addled brain maybe tomorrow then bye bye

It's really good to be back at college I like it here i have missed everone. it is great fun

the guys brock the computer trying to up-graid it so now i am sitting at a less good computer on the other side of the room typing on my lap Andy ses IT is duggies fault bu I think it is both really.
I had very silly day off sat and thought about youth work and got stressed because i had desided to do none then picked up a youth work book and started readin it not thinking and had a row at yself for doing youth work so silly but apart from that had a good day watching lord of the rings and going into Wes owen to do youth work oh dear i have no life.

church was okay this morning we got as much sence out of the parthfinders as ever which is good i wish they would not talk over each other all the time fustrating but thats the same with everthing you do like that so it is tuth
got do go do work now or will not get my day off tomorrow. arg

wow what a day or half a day anyhow I have just been so inspired by my young people. I took them to Wes Owen to look and see what was on offer in the bible study range and descuss whta they wanted out of the indepth bible study i have plained which was everthing they could possibley get from going through the bible to doing studyes on topics so we desided to do a bit of both and see how it all works out. But we were sitting in the cafe bit of the shop discussing the year so far and talking about how they felt about the groups and they were honist about them which makes a change. and well i think i can impove what i am doing from what they said and i have a hole other idea about new things to do which will be top sectrate till I work out if it really is fezable. Today has been so from God you would not beleive it is time to get focused and move on I think. I love my work

just been ten pin bowling and broke 100 which i ahve never done before i think well it was quite exsiting although we did have the bumpers up which i think makes it a better game to be totaly honist.
:-)

well having a lazyish type day have been sorting though the huge amounts of random paper that has acumilated in my suitcase during each of my moves it is amazing how much stuff you gather over such a short space of time but it turns out that half of it was envolopes and most of the rest could go in the bin.
I have also sorted out my timetable for the coming weeks again it is getting worse were does all my time go i wounder then i look at my timetable and think bilmy i havn't done that or that or that or that yet humph not good anyway enough of this self pitty i am off to do more paper work

sob Ants going home today all sad but i guess it is for the best as if he did stay much longer i would just get stressed littlle brothers can be very wearing sometimes.
having a lazy day apart from that which is good
I am all moved it always astonds me how much stuff i have when ever i try to move it but hopefully the next move will be the last for about two years then how scary two years is not actualy that long a time when you think how fast this year has gone.
eeeek

had a freecky moment on the train today don't know why but suddelnly though i was back in Uganda (were i did my year out) I think it was because of the barbed wire and red painted pricks just like the mud brick back in jinja. I also think that it may be due to tiredness quite a strange feeling really.
we went to the science center today more on a scot trip for when chris comes to visit as both Ant and I are far to old well thats our excusse anyhow. sad though ant is going tomorrow and I have had such a cool week with him up although i need sleep and rest in abundence if i am to be any use next week.

well went to Edingbough yesterday (i sure hope i spelt that right sorry any scots if i didn't) we had a great day. we woundered basicly thats all we did ant got stressed cose he thought we were lost but i am never lost it is just the rest of the world that is in the roughn place hehehehe so we were not lost and we got unlost very fast. The royal miles is very lovey and walking down by the river was great fun.
the subjects of convosation were quite intresting we are not mentoning garilas and definatly no longer talking about when it is good to be a boy. Bannanas are very slow to bio degraid in the country which is why we shouldn't just chuck them away(acording to Gorden anyway). so an intresting day if very tiring we played monoply and almost stayed at the college but held out I had to much to do with getting moved today and tommorow to sleep over. I have a church quiz tonight which is good fun. Ant is "revising" which is fun although i don't think that playing bop it with stephen is revising really it is all good.

I am on the move again moving from Joans of Dougies which is good I like Dougie and his family they are nice people. not that Joan was not a nice person it's just i have more in commen with Dougie.
this will be until i finaly move into my new flat which will happen soon i hope. but it is a real ansure to prayer that i don't have to live with Joan anymore as i really dislike living with a smoker.

hve been having a blast it's great having ant up gives me the perfect exsuse to do all the toristy things that i am to wimpy to do on my own.
like the Glasgow tour yesterday which was great although the frist half of it was better than the second.
we also went to see shaun of the dead on friday night with Kat and her friend which was very funny if alittle grusam.
Church this morning was good although i really really did not want to get out of my bed for the prayer breakfast i was glad i did it was lovely. the service was good as well looking forward to YF tonight.

got him he arrived half an hour early but maniged to get lost in Glasgow airport and took 20mins to find me. never mind.

oh went to see along come polly yesterday i have a new hero (keys left in fridge i say no more)

you know me i am a dafty that is for sure. got all confussed yesterday and went to pick my bro up when he was really ariving today stupid hu. but it was okay found out befor i got to the airport which is good.
Mum has spent the last 20 nminits talking to me about how nervouse letting my brother (who if it is possible is more scatty than me) be alown in an airport and get on a plain on his own she quoted the last conversation she had with him
"i can see the plain on the screen mum it ses gate (whatever) last call it ses last call" but he is now fine and on bord and i will coller him in glasgow were you just can't get lost really. it is all good fun. I am so lookingforward to seeing him!!!

I was faced with more stairs delivering more leflets I really don't think people relise how tromertising stairs can be for someone who is despractic (stupid word studpid spelling stupid problem) but only triped up them once yay.
It is something that i am quite proud of myself in really I have overcome this problem only people who watch for it will see it (like mothers). although it is hard work always being in control and aware of what you are doing i wounder if that is why i get tired so fast because i am putting in more effort to just walk in a sensible way, doubt it though. Maybe i will start trying to ride bikes again although i don't think i can hadel another head wound like the last time i did (came off my bike going about 30 down a hill ouch big hurt). I like being the sucsess story it is fun although that means that there are a lot of exspections off me that it is sometimes hard to meet but that is for another time.

bit of a bomb shell hit last Friday night the lady i am staying with desided that she did not want ant (brother who has been coming to stay for mounths) to come and stay ant is ariving today so her telling me was little on the late side to be honist and put in jeperdy the hole visit which is something i have looked forward to since we desided he was coming. so have spent the reminaing time looking for a place to stay. as i felt abit odd about taking him to the college it is okay me going to stay as a guest but to bring my little brother as well just seems abit cheeky. but it was all sorted and we are going to stay with Suzie for the week and her flate mate Elaine has gone home and offered us her room.
chruch sunday was long but good i enjoyed it espeshaly the joint eveing service which was just the right mix of old and new i hope we do that again really soon not just for special occasions like plam sunday.
Monday spent tidying my arts and Craft cubord found loads of stuff didn't even new we had some stuff that i didn't even new exsisted to and some stuff i am not actulay shaw what it is and what to do with it but is is all nice and tidy now which will help me think of new crafts to do witht the young people.

soooooo sooooooo sooooooo tired should learn not going to bed means tiredness in the morning but it is all good.
today have been at the star project we had a fairwell feast for paul who is leaving which was nice then we went to the school and eat lunch with them so am positivley stuffed.
then we took to the school to see a christian show called spellbound amazingly well done really really enjoyed it. and so did the kids. it was basicly the story of creation fall and salvation told as if God was a toy maker and we were the special toys that he made to be his comainions it worked so well. The kids totaly got it which was good because as it was a school trip they could not give much more of a message on top of it.

now heading back to the house am going to have a bath hummmmmmm and sleep.

don't mention wet t-shirt!!

we did possibly the nicest April fools jokes ever one the lads last night greta fun Kat Linda and I Seald Abe Gorden and Simons doors and left little barbie books lovely hu.

well it all went well for Simons Door although we made loads of noice then Gorden hurd us and cort us but never mind and Iain would not go to bed so we had to wait up till fourish to do their door although I got scard of putting the noisy paper on Abes door just in case we woke Iain who is lovely but does not like to have his sleep disturbed so we used a bed sheet for his door and As Kat had given up and gone to bed we used the rapping paper to seal her door all very funny although the doing of the task ws the best bit as we did not see the reactions.

Spent the day in the park with Paul doing a tresure hunt he desided it would be funny to pretend to throw me in the pond which was um fun but am apserlotly reeked and has to type up this treasure hunt. ho hum.

went to see the passion with Kat And Linda last night and it was um well i don't know i think i have to think about it abit more before i pass any sort of judgment.

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh I got a C+ for my community ordit am so glad that i passed and never need to look at it again. But whats more is that it was a good pass and that make me all warm and fuzzy inside.
so three chrees for me

am all back and stuff spent all last night writing my essay for today which was not the best i have ever ritten but as long as it passes i don't really care.
did daft thing left car keys in my bedroom at home not only my car keys but my drivers licence somewere in the same room i say somewere because mum phoned me as i rush up the hill to college after having to cach the train saying that she could not find it. although it raises the question of why does my mother still have my spare keys in England when i have my car in Scotland.
another daft thing for this morning i forgot to set my clocks to the new time and so was an our late out of bed had ten min to get ready down the road and onto my train well needless to say i had to catch the next one but it was okay i got there in time.
from this last cupple of days i really do have to say that Dory is my hero she pulls of the Dizzy thing far better than me.

chris is playing sick i think its cose i am here and he don't just want me to dissaper sadly I am gonna have to. which means i can't just sneek off and miss the fuss but I guess thats okay. Its always sad leaving him but I guess thats the problem with having little brothers who are that little. 8 as aposed to me at 21. But must get going back to that blasted essay.

was at church this morning it is really wired seeing them all almost just as i left them. singing the same songs it is comforting mind I love my church they are wounderful people. So i am alittle late due to a mix up with the times (silly clocks going back humph) I go in and the sunday school jump me or at which is slightly embarising as they are supposed to be singing. then sit down at the back (I should be used to this sort of thing by now) and mark (the minister) anounses my presans which evokes chers not often you get cheered for entering a building then informs me that i am sharing and carryes on with the service. it's all good all good. spent ages talking to people after the service chaching up and so on.
then came home and mucked about with chris wile getting ant to do revsion I am good at the old guilt trip me. Mum took us to materlan and thats about the sum of my day. so far

we had sunday dinner today i don't think we have had sunday dinner in this house for over a year serously it is that unsal. But really really really nice my mum is a good cook. But i guess most people would say that about their mums. But i must add this in her favor we had home made gravy and home made rice pud which has to be good dosn't it. feeling slightly over full now not very comfortable at all in fact.

soooo tired sooo so so so tired and i have done nothing more than go into Bedford and sit in a pun with my mates. who are just amazing they are great the sort of friends that you can not see for ages even years in some cases and sit down and just start talking as if you only saw them yesterday.
had a take away for dinner which was nice as always take out is the best.

it is amazing how beatiful the sunset is seen from a plain on my way home i sat and watched and woundered at how brilleant it is.
cool hu
am home was attacted by small boy and big boy as i got through the door my brothers are great but somehow i think they are both alittle big to be hanging off me one of them is now six foot i am sure and i am most definatly not.
had lovely food and selpted in my own bed then have been having quolity time with the boys and playing silly computer games all good.

oh and i forgot wile delivering leflets yesterday we were talking to this lady and she looks at me and ses "isn't she gorgouse" then goes into a hole long monolog about how pritty i was. Not sure how to take it i blushed and wished i could hide. randomness

wow what a week my goodness i can't beleive it is already Friday MY GOOGNESS
I started at the star Project on wenesday which was really good we went round delivering leflets for a fun day which looks like so much fun i hope that i can go. Three girls came round with us their insentive to be their was that they would get money put towards a trip to London. They were really good till another girl joined us and things went alittle ariy but it was all sorted out okay.
Then I came home and as anyone who knows me my sence of direction is not the best but i think since i found my way to the place fine it was the help i was given that made me end up on the roung side of Glasgow town center which was okay just added another 45 mins to my trip eat chinees to make up for it.
then yesterday we went into schools also good and deleivered more leflets this time i was going round with my superviser and we got to know each other better she is really nice. Then we did a multi activerty group with some boys who we took to the play barn.
today have been runing around like a headless chicken trying to get my essay done (unsucsessful) do my superviser meeting with Bill and get into town to sort out my life before i go home tonight and rest this weekend. rest is good.

maddness total and utter maddness you know i was rudley awakend but a badley set clock this morning yes i set the clock so it is all my own fault but that dose not make me any less peeved at the clock as it woke me at 6 am instead of 7 am humph.
frist day of tearm not to bad very tired thats for sure but thats college for you. watched a horrifing film 'the mission' i think it was called anyhow came out feeling very very sad and scared nasty pig headed men blowing up little children i don't think this should of been a PG some how. anyway must go home now. rush hour traffic i must say does not frill me.

I did washing today for the frist time in my new house but it went okay and so know i will have clean clothes again. I felt abit nervouse about waching because Joan the lady i am living with does not have a dryer and it is raining pritty much all the time at the mo and i did not know were she keept her clothes horse and was too embaressed to ask it is a silly thing to be shy about I know but i am. anyway it is a beatuiful day today and so my washing is on the line and i am yet again at the college paying debts since my student loan is now through all good.
The sun being out has cheered me up no end it is amazing how the weather has such a profound effect on my mood. although i love heavy rain sunshine is the best thing ever.

I am sitting at one of my line manigers computer and enjoying broadband but must get off soon as i will be tiying up their computer for far to long otherwise.
I really don't want to go home mind as that will mean the mountain of work will desend again so much to do you would not believe and my nack for leaving it all till the last minit dose not help i have a YF to prepar for this eveing not good but life goes on as they say.
The hole going to college thing is getting abit silly Have just come back and will be going again tomorrow but tomorrow is the only time i can do stuff in town that i need to do in town which is vexing anyway I like being at the college so shouldn't complain really. madness total madness.

spent the night at the college again it's much more fun to watch videos on the projector and go to the pub than be at home any way went down to the garage this morning and found myself locked out and my car locked in huge panic insued would i get to church on time or at all in the end the warden came down he was late for church himslef which is why the garage was not open so wiped down the road to cathcart although did not speed at any point. and got to church ten minits early. but oh now there was no were to park so had to take car back home and run to the church arrived ten minits late and sat at the back. ooops
chruch was good if alittle confusing people telling me all sorts of things at the same time head hurts ouch.

you know that feeling of hoplessness thats been dogging me recently and semingly for all my life. well it's back. don't know it's horrible to feel thick all the time and i really do i try so hard and never seem to get anywere. I know i can't exspect to be like normal people but just for once i would like to find something that i was okay at that i could just do and not have to push myself so hard there really is very little in my life that is easy and i know that i never do go for the easy option when it comes to my eduction and stuff but thats not what i mean. But God is good and i guess he made me like this for a reson and that it all builds charitor and i would not be me if I didn't have to struggle the way I do and i am probly blowing the hole thing out off proportion because i think to deeply about my own fawlts thats life and God is still good and will get me out of this depressive moment.

well our walk might be off since it is raining cats and dogs never mind life goes on.
I worked it out i did 12 hours of study yesterday not good I woke up at 7 picked up my books and begane ovesly i had time off when i got changed and made lunch and stuff but through luch i read and roat and i still feel like i havn't made even a small dent in what i have to do which is really really demorilising. sob.
although wile i was studing i did have dvds going in the backround. There is a real problem with living with this lady i just do not feel free to do anything i always feel that I am being watched and judged and so i just stay in my room and read not nesiarly the healthyes thing to do I know.
When i move into my flat it will be better I will feel more free so i will do more and people will hopefully feel better about coming round to see me. three weeks to go yay

you know it's amazing how wounderfully percetly everthing works together in this world to make it a place were you can live. example take the worm without the worm you would not get air in the soil and it would be much much harder to grow anything or so i am told by the tv. Isn't God Brill i mean he thought of everthing. athough it is a bit of a shame that we don't seem to take our jobs as stuwards serosley we seem to think that God making us stuwards means that we can just abuse what he gave us and destroy his creation not good not good at all end of rant which is aimed at self as well as world cose i am just as bad.

worship in college met all exspectations they started off quite well but settled into the two songs sit down and listen but on the good side we had a sharing time plenty of prayer and communion.
although it is the end of tearm service and we youth workers have not finished our tearm yet. hummmm

So tired the other nights antics are probley caching up with me up although had mega boring metting about doing the summer school in the (wait for it) summer xstreem force is not the best program i have ever seen but my church seem to think it's great never mind. this was followed by a youth team meeting which was productive that all i am gonna say about that.
although i rounded up the eving with chinees and a bath oh nice eat your heart out all you who live at ICC still although tiss the only good thing.
holly is sitting next to me and demanding that i metion her so here is you mention holls.
Practical jokes are fun.

essays a frightening and scary and not getting done to many destractions or to few and you create them just so that you have them and don't have to do the essay just now. hate reading acidemic books I think they should be band

Well so much to talk about. So bear with me.
spent all day monday and tuesday getting on with the essays with no real breacks other than for minamal food and groups not much fun although i did go for a run Monday morning and had this though as i passed my second Bridel shop (how do they keep open it's not as if there are that meny brides in Cathcart)
then Tuesday night went to college and PICs to see mona lisa smile exerlant. I just have to day exerlant although spent most of the evening joined by linda trying to embarris Kat with silly hand flpping at sentimental bits. hehehehe so much fun.
Then we picked up Josh and Simon and went to sleepless were we eat curly frys and got wet bottems from sitting on we seats.
back to the college played monoplay till 3:30 drew with Gorden and went to bed. not feeling tired at all i knew i why i was sleeping so much at home so i would have the energy to play here hehehehe.

God is very very very very great

had a hard day yesterday after i took Holly home got very depressed and low just felt rubbish. In more ways than one tired ill and discouriged in genral.
genraly had that horrible feeling that I am useless and that everthing I do is pointless.
So was not in much of a mood to do youth cafe last night. which did not start well as we got there and the building had been set up for church not condusive to playing silly games. It got better though and i got to play the daft games which releived some of depression.
Then this morning we had communion and i was struk by how bitter i have alowed myself to become it was something that came up in conversation before as well. So I have given that up to the lord and feel so much better you would not believe.
Anyway it is brill how God works with us to sort out our problems some people think that they it would be better if God just zaped these things into oblivion but i think that it is much better that he makes us work through them otherwise we never learn from them.

arge flying trees ouch

funnyest thing in the world disco dancing at church with an age range of two too 90 odd possibly and all us sillys in the middle holly came with me it was great, oh oh oh don't don't forget the fancy dress part of the hole thing we were pritty naff i was an artist and she a rainbow okay okay stop laughing right now i mean it. Young people were stars all dressed up really good as mebers of the greese cast so much fun it was alittle short if you ask my opinon (and hollys she ses as she reads over my sholder.) but the best fun the best fun ever although holly nearly decapitated a small child during the final song (YMCA) which will be a source of much funness for a very long time hahahaha (holly is threating my life so i had best stop there)
now we are gonna drink baileys and watch about a boy ttfn

just spent the day doing loads and getting nothing done i hate it when that happens you end up feeling so rubbish about everthing you have acheived because you havn't acheived what you heoped to dosn't help feeling quite rubbish at the moment anyhow and could not drag myself from my nice warm bed till after 10.
watched greese at gnomes (girls night only men exsluded sorry!) last night and the girls made Ruth up to look like a clown with a harry potter scare quite amusing if alittle of the subject cose i wanted them to deside how they gonna do makeup for Fri night when we have a fancy dress disco and they are all going as caritors out of greese hence why we watched but all good and they enjoyed themselves.

what a week end moving home is not the most fun thing you will ever do beleive me I have exsperance espshaly if you are doing it with a old mini as your transport. but i am installed in my new space which will be fine as a stop gap. Chi was wright though i do miss just being able to walk down the corridore and talk to people.
caterlyst (a christian youth event) was great on sunday really good worship and really really good teaching 2tim2:22 if any of you are intrested. I learned something new and i was privaliged to sit and watch some of my young people being touched. it is so cool God is so Great you would never beleive. And i can say that despite the fact that i had blocked sinasis and was in exstreem pain.

I am being currupted by my friends we went to the pub again last night thats like three times in a month when i had only been once in the frist three months. No it's not really that bad a thing it is good to get out the college really good beleive me leaving assiment behind for an hour or two is a blessing at all times.

sturggling with the huge unclimbable feeling of sadness. For no real reason at that just one hundred and one little things all adding up to make me into a slightly over emotaional reck. it will get better once all the essays and things are done and we can relaxe for a bit but that seems like an awrful long way away.

Had a night of chees which was good Gorden brought the projector from work and with the help of my laptop we watched the princes bride a flim that you culd only watch when you were up for cheese and flawty towers great fun only now because i went to bed before the others i am not sure whos room my laptop is in oh well i am sure it will turn up.
I am sitting in the youth min room and there is a very strange noise it sounds like a duck coming from the wall beside me i wounder am i going complty mad or could there be a resion for this.

We went down to loch lomen (don't think i spelt that right) saterday it was amazing so goegouse you would not beleive. The weather was cold but the sun was out the perfect day for that type of walk.
Although our walk took us onto some private property which had lose dogs I don't know you can't climb up an overhanging bank and walk through fields without getting harrised these days. the mini stood up to the trip well and i think i have started to lose my rep as a bad driver which was totaly undeserved or almost.
You'll never guess what we did when we got home okay you will we played monopaly hehehe.