my head my exspoled

its a long time since i bloged properly been an intresting few weeks.
i have had teams out for work for 4 fridays now a month and things are looking good for getting another team out in the new year.

although that is if people actualy do get trained i ran a training night on wenesday i exspected 7 people 5 had confurmed that they would be there befor 2 had said so on the day only 1 person actualy came. which was really disapointing. but the person who came was great he came out on friday and was really good.

as to my personal life well i don't have much of one. the hardest thing is that i have chosen a church but have not been able to go to it for a long time because i have to go and trawl round other churches for volunteers its not easy at all.

and i do not find it as easy as some people to make friends but that will all come with time i am sure.

computers

i wish you could just print a file without having to open it this would make sertain aspects of my job so much eaiser there is probley a way and i am just being dence but hey you know me.

things are really going well as the moment we have had the teams out for three weeks now and the young people are being really receptive and cheery. although we have had few close incounters with some more agressive people. we also had to give out some first aid to a young person who had fallen into some brocken glass last week which was intresting the guys hand had been bleeding for ages and so loads of the blood had the blood had dryed and was really hard to get off. and plasters don't work in the rain particulay when you are standing on a bridge eek.

but all in it is all good

here there and everywhere

been a funny week well at least the part that i was concuse of was ill for the start of it which was not much fun and coursed me alot of stress when it came to getting out on friday.
went to gartmore for the Parish Development Fund overnighter which was great fun we did eneagrams which was okay but a little dull as we did it at college but okay to have a refresha in it all. i am still a 4 although Gordon and i had a long talk about the validaty of the hole thing. think we came to the conclusion that it was useful but only in its place it should not consume your hole life.
droped gordon off at the airpot on friday after the conferance we got lost it should only have tacken us an hour and a half to get there but it was neara three urg.
but we made it and i got back to perth with enough time to spare for me to grab a bit to eat and get down to the church for the second night.
which went well and we didn't have to call the police this week. although the weather was very wet so there where very few young people out and about.

first night out tonight!!!!

its our first night out tonight might burst with exsitment yayayayayayayayay

nearly there

well after three months of hard work i am at the point where i can send a team out next week i am doing it hand to moth stil which is not what i wanted but i guess that it will help me relie on God more for the people that are to do this work. i really really hope it is a sucess on Friday next week.

working light

my bathroom light is working again :) the bulb fell out a few weeks ago and the landlord has come and fixed it which is brill because i only phoned them a few days ago. life goes on i am having a quite day in today

Venice

Gordon and i have been and are now back from our lovley holiday in Venice
we had the most amazing time looking at the most lovley buildings and places ever. with only a few minor draw backs like our bags getting lost between gatwick and edinghbough on the way back we had a wounderful time.

life as a ping pong ball

phew what a week Gordons family was up from last saturday which was lovely but very tireing for me. particulay since baby ryan woke up some nights and so so did we all :) but it was very nice. it was a bit of a shame that gordon and i could not get more time off and particulay more time off together to spend with them but i think they had an okay time.

we didn't really do much with them went swiming they where here for my birthday i wanted to go to a mexican but it was closed so we had a very nice indean insted but that was lovley.

we tryed to go to the zoo but where a bit late for it to be worth the money so didn't and then i took them to the station yesterday.

Gordon and i are going to venice tomorrow so had better get on with packing

cross

well after waiting up till midnight last night for the tescos deleivery which didn't come for a stupid reasion they phone me tonight and say my card has been declined. then i have just looked at the price and it is more than dubble what i said i was going to pay so no wonder it has been declined i am soo so cross.

it has been an intresting day i was at the berevment training which was rewardin but hard work.

then i went to put my check in the bank and even though they said on the phone that it would be okay to put it in in the woolwich branch but i went in and the lady said that you would not be able to do that until next year.

Gordons mum and sister and nethew ryan are coming up tomorrow.

i don't have any e-mails

sitting in the office have nothing particula to do at the moment so am taking a breack from the hurly burly of setting up projects.

neil just told me a cool thing if you lift up your right foot and make it spin round in an anti clockwise direction then with you right hand you draw a 6 in the air you foot will change direction try it it is true but don't try it when people can see you because you may look alttle like a fool.

really proud of myself i have organised my filing cabinate draw i have hanging files with lables and everything maybe i shall but them into alphbetical order next.

the next thing will be to have onse with volunteers information in them.

yeah how boring is my life i get exsited about filing it can't be good.

tehe

Your results:
You are Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman 80% Supergirl 75% Superman 70% Spider-Man 70% Hulk 70% Green Lantern 65% Robin 60% Iron Man 55% Batman 50% Catwoman 45% The Flash 40%

You are a beautiful princess with great strength of character.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Elim

well there you go you never know what God is going to do. i went to the elim thinking it will be carismatic and load and livley which it was although there where only 4 people in the seats plus kids playing at the back of the church. but it was an amazing night of phophasy and prayer.

Peter the minister kept coming back to me over and over with different things that i needed to do or needed to be incoriged with. there was more stuff to encorige than to worry about. and i knew that God was speacking directly into my life tonight.

So praise him he is amazing

church

went to the nazereen this morning which was nice it has made me want to stay with this church even more we had communion this morening which they do in much the same way as we do it at the mission back home not sure why this is important to me but it is. i guess where ever you are you have to be able to feel at home and find things that make you feel that way.
Geogre and Helen asked me round for lunch again which was lovley i really like these people they are so generous.

will be off to the elim this evening with leaflets for the project should be intresting.

being ineffective

supposed to be cleaning but am not really in the mood to get on with it the kichen is almost done but the rest of the flat well its not really that bad anyway i guess although am getting to the point where i need to sort out a hover all three that where left by the landlord are not working so things are getting alittle bit silly in that department.
work going okay had a pen fight with neil yesterday had to conced because of his superar co-ordiation but will have my revenge i am sure.
there was a bit of bickering about inapropreate jokes at the end of the day it was a case of you are being imature and the other person going your the pot calling the kettle black they are all imature they are boys :)
friad i got a bit maturnal towards them started talking to the like their mother its easy to do but i bet its annoying for the people on the receiving end.

turner

turner in venice so lolvey i can't wait to go only 24 days left then Gordon and i will be bording that plan and jetting off i can't wait can't wait can't wait.

berevelment traning

did some more of the berevemt traning course today two more days to go it isn't half heavy stuff feeling totaly drained.
and thats after a perticualy emotional and draining day yesterday and a few bad nights sleep it never rains but it poors but then again the sun will be out soon or at least thats the hope.

working hard honist :)

so i am sitting in my cold office there is lots of activerty going on some pro scot volunteers are counting some money at neils dest Jamie is doing something to do with his traning at his desk opersit me talking to the new icc student mark who is talking about the bible college and finding your wife hummm i guess its true genraly.
at least for the deserving ;-).

feeling quite pleased with myself put lots of content into the sidewalk website.

the boy metality in this building is overwhelming the amont of sexit comments that are flying round this office are unbelivable.

reletive sucsess

the traning went okay i think at least allan and danny said they enjoyed it and it was useful for them so that must be good.

although only allan and danny turned up hummmmm but in a way that was a good thing as it ment that i could get the nervs over and done with with out much hassel.

scared

the first traning night for volunteers is tonight this is a big step for the project and for me. and i am getting increasingly nervouse about the hole thing have i done enough prep do i know enough to do it arrrrg am i really up to doing this job.

although God has been blessing the project abundantly all the work is starting to pay off and dispite a few minor problems things are really going well.

please have a look at the website there is no content yet but there will be by the end of next week. i can take no credit for how good it looks its all Gordon. :)

Fog

well had a bit of a scary night last night after spending a day together where we were both feeling prittty ill and tired i had to take gordon home as he had to work today. on my way back i the fog rolled in i have never driven in anything like it i was quite freacked out by the whole exsperance. but survived so thats gotta be a plus.

got my new phone at last :) they forgot to give me the bluetooth headset :( fed up

lights fumes and fun

Gordon and i went to visit his dad and his wife last weekend we drove down on friday night then we drove back up yesterday.
it was a good weekend we went to a car boot sale on saturday morning then waited around blackpool and the sea side for the lluminations to come on.
Gordon and i went on the big one which was great although long long que we think that it might be worth it going back down and getting all day bands to go on the pleasure beach one time.
we lost the family at this point and had a good few minits sitting by the sea. when we found them again we found they were in the park.
we then went to a little cafe to have a drink and a sandwidge.
the lights where cool to start with but got alittle dull to end with partiuclay as it took 2 hours to get through them all the fumes and over load of information did it in for my head and i felt sick for pritty much the rest of the night urg got home and went strait to bed luckly Gordons dad could drive my car so i was able to avoid driving on the motoway that night.

a good night

i got one of the progect scotland young people to come out with me last night to start making shure the routes that i have worked out for the detached work, work. there is only one area that is magely suspect for lighting so far so i think that that is a success the young person Danny is all up for partinoning the council to get lighting put in as well which was amusing i think we will get the teams out first so that the council can see the benifits then maybe we shall do that sorta thing.

blar

been working hard but feels a little like we are going round in circuls and i am not sure how much i can decide on my own.
got ill towards the end of the week have been up chucking for good measure for the last two days am okay now just abit weak.
looking forward till tomorrow Gordon and I are spending the day together and pretending it is his beithday again so that he can have a nicer day we are also trying to get some other friends to go out so we shall see.

he didn't pass his test which sucks he will next time though

complete maddness

well this last week has been insain to say the least.
starting with the crazy trip up from nans in the car we are talking nelson (wales) to perth (scotland) almost the intire lenth of the country and then acrross it. i got lost only once on my own and when i picked gordon up at manchester which was insain i think that we only got lost once to. he is doing well with his driving felt completely fine in the car with him till we where driving back to perth not the day of the mamoth trip but a few days later and he hit the curb at speed have been more wary since. through i do think he will pass his test watch this space.

we went to see chris and louise on wenesday which was also Gordons birthday we had a lovley night although was not impressed at the slightly hair brained plan to put and arm chair in the back of my car at 12:30 at night when i had to take Gordon back to broxburn and drive myself back to perth.
well this night did not gt any better Gordon drove to get the practice and the police stoped us (they seemed more bord and making things up than angry) Gordon was locked out of his flat so he had to come and stay in my spar room and on the way to perth was when the curb hitting happend.

we also met up with some of gordons friends from drumchaple on friday night which was fun i hate hate hate the glasgow motorway arrrg.

we mangiged to spend sat and most of today together as well but mostly sleping and weeping because i am soooooo tired.

playing at solidors

well we went to a army training centre and did lots of fun things like playing on a shooting rang doing an asult course which id did not get to do much off being the only femal leader and the only person who got and injury being a girl i had to stay with her and make sure she was okay which was dull but fine. we played lazor quest twice in three days (i went to leza quest on the weekend with Gordon and his young people which was rad) and did some team skills puzzels.

i don't know if i am altogether happy with what we did today though what message did we give the young people we took. ws it that it is cool to kill and play with gun is it that all we think they can acheive is to join the army is it that we are fine with vilance or a whole host of other things.

although i started to make some good realtionships with the young people from the Y today particualy the girls and those realtionships will have been spring borded by today i am not happy with what i think i have allowed myself to be party to. i have also shot myself in the foot as to standing up agenst this sort of things. this is hard where is my middle grond.

week 2 over and done

yes friday afternoon and week two of work is over. if all had gone well today i would have been on my way to wales to pick up my new car but all did not go well due to silly terroists on plains so i can't do it this weekend so getting my car has been put off for a week hohum.
today had an okay day got on with some work but was not as productive as i have been at pervous time it is hard working in the ymca with people who are supposed to just muck in when you are on a project that means that you can't really do that. i think that it is already breading some tenion but such is life these are things that i have to learn to deal with.

practical jokes

bit of a slow dull office day worked on the policys for the project which means that i will be able to put together a basic tranning course and start on the publisity and soon start recruting watch out Perth here i come.

the guys played a practical joke on me towards the end of the day they phoned the office and pretended to be one of the local youth workers and they asked me a load of random questions and there me miss gulibal fell for it they didn't even sound like the guy which is really frustrating.

oh well the joys of working in an office i guess

today

things are hotting up in work now the project is definatly starting to take shape and it is only my second week i have been meeting other local projects connect (drug intervention project) and the youth enquiry service this morning. then went out for a walk about with PC Scot Robbinson this afternoon which i loved. otherwise have been making leaflets and starting to put together other bits and bobs that the project needs. i have an office day tomorrow so will get alot of that sorta stuff done then.

perth the epic

tehe well i did an emily and forgot my laptop mum has just posted it to me oops.
i am in my flat all safe and sound now tehe forgot my keys as well as the laptop so that was actualy harder than it sounds. had to stay in a hotel the first night after a 10 hour journy up the country the trains where baddly baddly delayed.

things have gone more smoothly since then though and i started my new job with very few hicks. my frist week was great got to exsplore some of the other work of the YMCA and met up with Allan which was good.

went to see Gordon in Edingbough which was good we got lunch in a ittalian buffet which was not good oh not good at all. but we had a nice walk and sat in the park and chatted till he had to go to work and i had to go home.

that sat he came over but had big bad headake so we took the day slowley nice walk on the north inch and eat a str fry for tea.

this week i am sorting out buying my nans car off her and driving it back up the country eeek it is all sooooo complicated.

kiaking

Ant Chris and i went Kiaking on the nene last night was sooooo much fun.
although it looked like we where not going to get to do it for a time as the duty offcier was late and no one new why and there was no instructor to lok after us begingers on the water.
but it all came together a lovely man called chris offered us to join his class and basicly spent the whole time working with me and chris and helping us get up to speed it was great. much better than the last time i understand a lot more of the macanics.
i am hoping to find something similar in scotland :)

i also wore chris out jouring the day with a walk into town and going to the park i have not seen him today but am sure he slept well.

spent today packing up my room so that chris will be able to move in there when i go up don't know how good a job i have one but i am sure it is a start threw out four bin bags worth of rubbish and there are two more to go to the charity shop eeeek.

chuch

church was good this morning got commisioned to go out and prayed with it was also a lovley service bill lead it and spoke on amos which i really like.

feeling very low about the whole new church issue not only have i got to find a new church but it looks like it is going to create tensions with Gordon which does not help decress the nervousness one feels before you go into a new situation with lots of people you don't know and stuff like that. i guess it is just one of those thing.

Church this morning was good and God was really moving and working and i know that he will be there whatever and even if things do get hard in this area i can relie on that.

back in mum

been at dads all last week which was nice although i really wish that he would stop worring about entertaining me.
although on the entertainment side of things we went to see sunday in the park with Goerge which was great all done with really cool projections and little animations which was really nice.
went to windsor and we went for a walk in the other direction along the jublie river towards maidenhead had a meal in the pineapple which was really nice. got really badly sunburned for it mind.
spent a good amount of time in the garden with my book which was good.

at work with mum

possibly the most boring place in the world i have been filling envilopes with the contents of folders so that mum can fix her shelves humm fullfilling.
now am makin a cup of tea for people yay.
going to meet antie linda for lunch so that should be nice and then come back here for more fun and games like this morning.
mum had some great excitment over some new flat screen monitors that she bought for the office score.

at home

well i have spent the last week at home it has been quite enjoyable as i am getting plenty of space to do what i want when i want and if i want.
so far have seen dan we for a walk have been to the pics with my little brother over the hedge is a must see it is pure brillance had me and my 18 year old and 10 year old bothers in stiches for the most part. we also eat kfc which was fun lots and lots of junk.
today spent the morning relaxing at home and went to the park for a picnic with Gen and Dan which was lovley we looked for cloud shaps talked and relaxed. Gen and i went back to her house met up with her boyfriend pete and watch a stand up comedian who they had a video of billy something or other and not the scotish one it was a good afternoon.
came home to find nan had sent me some really nice ear rings i am really pleased cannot get through to her to say thanks though she is clearly living it up somewhere will talk to her later.
dinner soon i hope my tummy requires nurrishment our picnic was all junk well that is apart from the stuff the Gen bought.

final goodbye

well i said my final goodbye to the college sunday morning after saying bye o dad cleaning my room got in the car with all the stuff i had left and drove away for the last time as a resident sure will be back.

it was a long drive i was glad mum and rob had brought a dvd player which the boys and i puged earphones into and watched verrouse things the downside was when the car was turned off we lost our place and there was not remote control to get into the sean menu. i also read some of my book which was good.

had a bath when i got home very good

Graduation

its all over have finaly Graduated its quite strange really you don't feel any different and yet you feel like you should and the weiredest thought of all is that after the college summer holidays you will no longer have the college routeen to slip back into. you really have to step out of your comfort zone now and be a real adult scary.

After dad and i Got back from town i went to get ready Gordon had two busses go past his so i was getting really stressed about that, not his fault stupid busses. Mum turned up and told me tthey had to go into town but they gave me a lovley cross to go with my dreess which put me in a bit of a pickle as dad had given me a cross that was diannas grandmothers and i had said i would wear that. so i wore the green one that mum gave me for the grad and the gold one that dad gave me for the meal after i think that that was okay but what else could i do.

mum forgot my shoes left them at the hotel so she had to got me some from town otherwise it would have been blue ugandan flip flops. this did not help my nerves.

they all went of and linda turned up which was good she and i chatted as i got ready and josh joined us for walking down to the church very nice. dad went of to the cathedral was sad to leave Gordon at the flat yes he had gott there in plenty of time after all but i did not trust my perants to get the to church i supose it would have been a bit dull for him and his mum to have sat in the church for an hour anyway.

we got robed up and waited for instructions which seemed to take foreverr stood around and chatted. they had made a alturation to the seromny this year not only was it in the barreny but we where going to have our hoods put on us on the stage by tony this sounded quite cool but we had to carry the things in a certain way and most of us where worred about putting them down at all whichw as a pest.

the shoes arrived just in time but where to big i made do it was all quite funny at least i had shoes that was the main thing.
we proceded through the church and sat down in the order we where to go up in. there was some chat then the names where bein read out.
serously weired walking across the stage as what i was doing next was read out got through it and did not trip up which was a good thing.
the rest of the service seemed to take forever
then we processed out which was good.

tea afterwould was nice gott my portate taken talked to my lecturues had chris follow me around which was also nice.

went for tea it was very load in the buffet king but thats life felt really ill by the end of it.

but had enough omph left for a cup on hot choc on the way home with dad Gordon and his mum.

a good day all in all

feeling weired getting stressed being bord and other stuff for a week

well the week before graduation was intresting to say the least.
neil Kenny and I had a great laugh taking my stuff up to perth and packing it into the flat. but when i got home things felt very weired and my trouble sleeping increased funny how these things effect us.
Linda moved out which was also weired missed her being next door a lot.

Gordon and i had a nice day together slighly mired though by the fruitless search for a dress in livingston we gave up n the end as there was nothing i really like i decided to go to Glasgow the next day think Gordon my be tromatised for life by the exsperance of me looking for a nice dress. did find an ideal one in monsson took my £10 over budget and left me no money for shoes but thats a graduation story which i will tell in the next post.
but felt better after spending the day together and sleept better for it as well it was a really nice day.

next day found the dress avoided doing work as i was not feeling all that hot and went and had tea with Gordon and his mother which was nice fish and chips which i love.

brings us to wenesday which i also spent with Gordon and his mother we went swimming had tea out and went to the open air theater in pinces park to watch midsummer nights dream where alittle to cloes to the back to hear properly but we moved forward in the second half and that was much better really enjoyed it although was very ill by the end of the day. we always try and do to much and i get ill need to stop doing that soon.
i could not get home was so ill so sleept on Gordons mothers floor and that was okay had to spend most of thursday in bed trying to be well enough for club which was my final one.
was not really well enough but got there all the same. but we where just about ready to let the kids in when we had a power cut which meant we could not gave out the dvds i promised but sucked not being able to say fairwell to the kids as i would have liked.

they had chocolate cake for me as a final good bye and they gave me some rennie mackintosh mugs which are really nice. very very sad to leave though.

friday catrinora treated me to going to the hairdressers and dad arrived he was an hour and a half late silly vergin trains so we did not get to do much in the evening went to wagambas and converted dad to japaness food yay go me.

mum arrived so late that they could not join us for food or see us on the friday.

sat morning took dad to the goma bit of a disasta he hated it and there was no where else to get to in the amount of time although we went to the Rennie mackintosh tea rooms which he did like. feeling alittle stressed about getting ready and organising people to be at the right place at the right time started to get a headake.

this is a bit out of order but we all went out on the town on satuday night and had a good night all in all the last time this little group will be together for a long wile.

oooph

feeling it today my last two weeks have just begun gave neil my essay to have a look at hopefully he will think that it will pass and i wont have to see it again.
been very upset for most of the day partly due to the fact that the bbq that was going to be on my last friday had to be moved back to sunday and so i can't make it.
haveing problems with assurtiveness not really maniging the whole thing very well.
i am so tired i just wan to curl up in a little ball and sleep.
we are moving my stuff up on friday spoke to my landlady and she was quite happy with that so thats exsiting feels very weird in my room with most of my stuff packed away hummm all fun and games.

hummmmm

went on a very roundabout trip to tescos this morning vir three car dealerships all far to exspensive for me but now i know. the reasion i spent some time in these shops was because my essay was waiting for me at home.

i have been fairly good since and have started to restruckture this essay as well as the other stuff i have to do i hate this it is sooooooo hard soooo hard.

sob

i failed my knolige of God essay just found out this morning really, really gutted. i can't comprehend how i am going to get it done again i don't want to have to go through all the reading again.
and i don't have any chocolate.

Garden party inside

well our college garden party sorta fizzaled out because of weather as soon as it started the rain poored we played Giant Jenga inside and chatted as well as clearing out the charrity bit of the back of the common room much fun with a childs zilaphone which appeared again later in the meal and provided the music for our music quiz which was soooo funny you would not beleive.
Gient Jenga was fun up till the point that everyone went away and left me playing with this strange man who keept ascking me to go to his house for coffee was not comfortable with this and found out later he was making a habit of making the women in the college feel really unsafe.
the meal was good though choclate cake very good.
then i watched the first football match i have ever watched which was great fun particulay watching the boys getting really into it.
the problem being that i still hold the veiw that football devides people alot i mean look at the scottich english or worse the welsh english thing i mean i still have bad the memories of going to school after a welsh englsih game. and there is also all the rangers celtic stuff in glasgow which sucks but i guess alot of that isn't actualy about the game in itself it is all about history which also sucks history is there for us to learn from and not keep on making the same mistakes over and over again.

sooooooo tired again

it is tuesday and i have had a really long cupple of days.
starting on friday when i was debating weather i should go to crossover at all sitting on my bed both tired and headakey new it wasn't the best idea. but i did go in the end (the whole not wanting to let people down thing) had an okay time don't think i will go again though and it was a mistake to go this time i am suffering now.
sunday Gordon and i went to Perth to meet the landlady and landlord for the flat and sort out the deposit and stuff. it is really cool they are letting me stor my stuff up there for july for free which means i can move out of my college room and not pay rent on that.
came home and have not court up on rest since.
today got our results back from steve got a B :) which is really good went to the final service and did all sorts of things like that.

perth

i spent the day in perth yesterday woundering and looking at flats the up shot of which is that i have the ideal place to live initally when i get up there.
i arrived rediculosly early for my first veiwing but i didn't know where it was or how long it would take me to walk there i found the door and went and sat by the river to enjoy the sun and to read some of the stuff for my essay (go me).
the flat was well abit of a dump but thats because it was a bachola pad and i mean die hard bacholas. it was dark and the guy who was showing me around said he thought it was not the best place for me as there was a drug dealing living up stairs and they get people on the buzza at all times asking where he was.

then i went to see Elain at the Y and hand in my accespetants letter very exciting sat in their computer sweet and talked to the people there and enjoyed myself emencly. she walked me to the next flat who is rented by one of the YMCAs workers and his family who are moving. this was much nicer it is a fith floor flat so if i am good and don't constantly use the lift it will keep me fit has a balcony two bedrooms good size kichen and living room so i am going to try and get it i will meet the landlady on sunday gonna be a bussy weekend. what with cross over and all.

heads really not good this morning ouch to much time in the sun.

a good day

college was actualy quite good today we had a lady come in and teach us a load of refelctive stuff to do in our quite times and stuff it was really nice to take a bit of time out of the maddness and relaxs. amazing how stressed really.

then had the disscusion time with neil which was really intreasting think i am feeling alittle more confident but it still is a worring essay and topic in genral.

Frenzy

Saturday was very hard work but it was great fun in lots of way.
went into frenzy with neil and catrinora and helpt them set up the ICC stand which fun as we got all creative with the warped photos on the Imac the Neil had brought (later they had the attraction of taking and printing out more warped pictures hundreds of young people came although not so sure how many of them will be intrested in coming to the college they did bring their youth workers though which was good)had to take neil out to ratho adventure centre to get some seats for them.
was quite bord when the concert started though most people i new had not arrived yet. hooked up with Linda and Kat after Tim Huges was on Gordon came later i am afraid that i am guilty of neglecting Linda after that which was not the best.
we hung around and helpt neil and catroina by taking over from them so that they could go and get a breck.

had done the silly thing of commiting myself to go on the buddy bus after frenzy though which was not the best plan was serously dehydrated when we got back to the college but had an hour or so to sort that out. although was not well for a good part of that hour. but i pulled myself together and Gordon came with me which really helpt. it was an intresting evening blessedly quite for us had a detbate about christianity with a philosphy student and a real convosation about it with his friend.

Sunday in church was okay went home and dozed for a few hours and Gordon and i met up and had a drink in the sun and wandered round glasgow it was actualy a lovely afternoon from getting as it took me from feeling quite negitive and weepy (got teary over the Oringe march that had gone past the college) left Gordon feel really happy and possitive.

rotten day

i have had a few tough days this week monday got up and one disaster followed another followed another followed another till i was in tears by the end of the day. not much fun.
then i got up at 7 and started getting ready for our training program went down around 8 and started moving tables oh my goodness the tables in the bord room are heavy. Bonnie came abit later closly followed by Elaine and we worked hard till the class came in and we jumpt into the process of deleivering our program it went really well :-). and so did everyone elses prity sertain that all of us have passed which is good thats one hurdel closer to graduation one left the big essay arrrrg scary.
i am sure it should be more work than this somehow but i am not sure how.
after the presentation was done we grabd some quick lunch went to darrels class arrrrrrg once darrels class was over started printing out agendas for the evening meeting and colating them. if Linda had not saved me with some pizza i would not have eaten before the meeting.
the meeting was so hard i mean i was exsorsted and it was so warm but we got alot of things out of it i will write the mins up tomorrow today is reading for and writing the final essay

My highlighter has just run out :-(

i am cross my highlighter has just run out in the middle of an really intresting chapture of worshipping the trinity grrrrrrr.

oh well such is life i will just have to find or buy another one wont i :-)

had a lovley visit from elaine this morning about our assesment on tuesday bonnie couldn't make it again but she e-mailed her stuff so we are both feeling better about the hole thing.

mango

hummm i had a little treat i bought myself a two pack of mangos from tescos last night and eat one for my lunch today. but i am slightly worried that now i am making regula trips to the loo. i do hope that this does not mean i am somehow elurgic to mangos i don't think i could cope sob.

this as you can tell had been a very dull day of prep college stuff and other such fun.

Sucsess

I have a Job or at least the promise of a Job if my refrances back up what i said in my interveiw.

oh my goodness i am soooooo exsited today has been a day and a half. first the prison visit then darrels class which i was late for and had to leave early to get to the train on time.
the the rudest taxi driver in the world who didn't know what a YMCA was let alown where the one in perth was.
then a Job interveiw which i was sure i mucked up and another train journy home talking all the wile to my mother about youth crime.
the the phone call and some mad running around my mainly bemused but happy for me fellow residents.

so if the refreances play out and stuff i will be a detached youth worker in perth and i will be very happy i am sure it is not gonna be easy but i really think that i will be happy in this job.

Praise God because it is all him.

Prison

i was an honory 2nd year this morning as i went to Polment young offenders instertute i didn't get to go with my year due to sevril embarrsising things which i am sure you can look back to this time last year and see.
well it was all a bit of a shock to the system really thesee boys all dressed the same in these tiny rooms eating their lunch.
going around the woodwork room the youth centre the chaplancy it was all really intresting but it just made you bleed that there where so many boys in there it is not a nice place dispite what the papers say it is not a free ride and the fact that sometimes the boys almost choose to be in there does not say good things about our society. lots the think about today

scary thought

well i finished the second draft of my first essay of the term and it dorned on me i only have one more essay, a presentation, 3 reflective reports plus the one that i wrote yesterday and 6 more weekly workplans left. then i will Emily Claire Cowley-McPherson BA. please correct me anoyone if i wrong and i have more work to do as i feel alittle nervouse that have forgotten something big in my estamation.
how weired will it be to have finished and passed three years of sweat and tears comeing to a close and never having to write another essay unless i choose to weired.

police action

so it was our third night out doing detached youth work and their were few kids but lots and lots of police.
quite scary really townhead was dead.
we finaly came up to some kids and had a nice chat with them they were all out of their faces drunk but happy enough and then this van pulled up and 6 police got out and started searching the boys and moving the girls on it was very scary. joy and i exsplained who we were and went back into the church as we were at the end of the night anyway.
later while we were de-briefing we hear this screaming coming from outside we look out of the window and two police people have this little girl on the floor she must have tryed something on with them but it was a shame to hear her crying she was so out of her face she did not really know what was going on.
i really hope that the work that we are doing is going to make some sort of impacked on these young peoples lives this is why i am in it after all.

yikes

spent yesterday with Gordon Kim Steve and Baby we went swimming which was fun. although babys are hard work at times. then Gordon went off to work and Kim Steve and I watched nariea they were really into it which was nice.
Ended with the huges mirgrain though would of been okay if it hadn't been for Gordons friend Abi needing my floor to sleep on and Joy worrying about the childrens address that she was leading this morning.
well being abit mellow dermatic it was quite nice having Abi in my room although i don't know her very well she is nice enough.
did not feel top of the world when i woke up mind.
went over to church with joy and met Ted H who was preaching this morning we all prayed together and got myself landed with the prayer of intersession which i had all of ten minits to prep for. since i have never done a prayer in an CofS it was very dounting i was really really really freacking out by the time it was my turn think i hide it okay though.
went into the hole english lords prayer forgive us our transgressions and so forth which was funny.

Kim and Steve Missed their strain home which sorta sucks as the train company are charging an outragous amount for them now to get home.

Sharring

well i have just gotten back upstairs from the worship room where i was sharing about the project was so nervouse i don't know can stand up infrount of 50 young people and talk absulutly fine but as soon as i stand up infrount of my peers i get really bad stage frirght but dispite that i did okay so not feeling to bad.

got the bargin ipac i bought on ebay this morning it came in the hugest box the office were very bemused it is very cool though very exsited about starting to use it properly in work and stuff.

DULL IS THE WORD

had the most dull day ever am at the stupid state where i am almost better but not quite there and so can't really do all that much so played on evil genius this morning and watched friends this afternoon.
went for a walk down to tescos was tempted to sit in geoges quare for a bit till my tummy reminded me that that would not be a good idea just yet.

getting better

well have stoped with all the up chucking it is just the other end we have to worry about.
dispite this had quite a bussy day yesterday well for a sick person at least went next door to the shop to get some more things that i might be able to eat like rice pudding and stuff.
then i went to the doctors and he grilled me about what youth work was which was quite good fun really felt quite proud of my rasp of the subject. came back and slept for a bit then went out to my final year assesment which was wounderful came away feeling really really really good. i am after all good at what there was no real critisum of my work but lots of how you can mature in your work well and improve the skills that you are developing already.

phew

well the last cuppla days have been a hoot urg.
but first will think about happyer memories went paitballing on saturday and dispite some inital stress it was a really great day was so so so tired by the end of it but got to shoot neil and darrel which was satisfing although they probly shot me more than i got them never mind though.

got home and got sick and thats where i have been the last few days tempirture throwing up dhiroreah saw tummy the works not much fun at all.
Gordon stayed with me on the monday after coming down with it on sunday which was nice made the problible mistake of going to the pics to see mission impossible but such is life.
still no where near well but getting there

living life to the full

i am not the brightest peble on the beach sometimes i managed to miss my last session of my slef help group. it is my last chance to do it and i missed it and i am so so so so cross i guess i can do it on-line but i was looking forward to todays appointment.
class this morning was good even if it made me miss this appointment so thats okay.
elaine suzi and i went for a little walk around the town it is fellowship day so no rush to get back to the college and class was held in a holiday inn this morning.

may day

well as a bank holiday goes i have worked pritty hard but have achevived lots so thats okay.
did a load of prep that so needed to be done and then the team meeting.
srg was well no kids showed up so we had a time of fellowship and clearing out of the office which was instresting because i didn't know what was in the office. think it was alittle hard on Cat though espeshaly as she had a final meeting with James in the middle of it. this seems to be a very hard time for her.
have a really pourly tummy tonight.

weekend maddness and catchup not to mention climbing centers

Gordon and i went for a 10 mile walk along the union cannal and got really excited about going climbing in the ratho climbing center. such a cool place. it honistly defies description it is so cool Gordon thought it was abit like being in a bond movie i wouldn't know haveing never watched a bond movie. have a look click the title to this post and you will get to their site.
it was a goeguse day you could feel the heat from the sun it was wounderful.
he came back to college with me and slept on Joshes floor as we had a meeting about a weekend away with a kingspark batise which we are helping with in september.
getting there was a disaster but i want go into that because i am still upset and annoyed and it has the danger of turning into a rant.
we had nice food they were a nice family we where visiting and had alittle bit of a worship time before tea and the meeting which was fun.
head was quite bad by the time we finished and went to an eve service at destinany church which was very comersal but had good worship music even if it was so load and the lights were herting me got some prayer which was good.

silloetts

been quite a bissy day and abit mundain lots of paper work but SU and Disscusion group went well.
it was a pizza week this week in SU which gave me a great oppurtunity to have a good chat with the young people. we debated about the name of a sertain area of the north side of glasgow for quite a bit of it they won i guess they would being from around here.

disscusion group was good it was neils fist week but ped did turn up we had a great time with barry though and i think he enjoyed it.
had an intresting diagram on the bord drawe round barry it looked alittle like an alien bit concering really.

club

we had a good club tonight after working my way through the mountin of paperwork which i didn't even dent.
talked to young people did an okay drama session. although we had a minor accedent one of the boys was miming kicking a ball his shoe flew off and hit the light shade which shattered over me and the girl sitting next to me. we were fine it was just plasic it was very fnny though but the poor boy was mortifide.
one down side is that some kids come down and do not want to take part i always wounder why young people come to a optional group if they do not want to take part. it seems strange to me. i guess they just like to get the attention next week will act faster to sort them out as we didn't do half the stuff that i had planned.

all sorted

well my fees are all sorted although it means a few sacrifices for the next few months awww well whats that to getting my degree without fuss.
spent most of this morning filling out aplications for Jobs urg one that cat had shown me Gordon says that it looked silly last time he looked at it but that they may have changed it you never know. also phoned to chase up one of the informal interveiws that i have hurd nothing back from they said that they would get back to me soon that they had a meeting on Friday to decide if they wanted me to go onto the next level of interveiw scaryness.
i also visited the gym to re-join we not strathclyde gym this time but caladonion which apperntly is a better Gym thats according to neil. they are sertainly more welcoming and the lady that i spoke to said not to join then and there but to wait till the 4th when they were having a half price sale on membership. i will also get a routeen made up for me which is how i work best really so thats good. looking forward to toning up again feeling pritty pants about the way i look at the moment.
I know that people out there will be saying but your not fat Em and my answer to that is yes but i dont want to be either and i am heading down that slippery slope of too much choclate and not eough exersize.
nothing much else of note happend today oh well.

implod

i am sitting in class and my head wants to implod so that i don't try and squeese any other information ithat i don't really understand into it. how i am going to write this essay i don't know.
SRG was crazy last night tryed to do circus skills with them and bedlem insued fun fun fun.

we do get to continue to use the hole though which is a good thing and a bad thing at the same time.

lots of meeting tonight what fun i hope the internet keeps working but it is unlikley.

internet grrrrrr

well the internet has been off all weekend again grrrrrr i guess i didn't really need it but it is just frustraiting we have a hole conspiracy theory going that they are purposfully turning the internet off outside office hours. but we are not sure why they would be doing this.

yesterday was nice went to martyrs in the morning and kept singing out of time because the tempo was so slow and the music so quite. and then Gordon came over so happy to see him we went and got food at tiso and walked down to glasgow green where we sat and enjoyed the sun and talked it was lovley. wish he didn't have to leave so early though. spent the rest of the night watchin er

fees

just been on-line to pay my fees or at least most of them will have it all sorted when i get paid roles eyes.

going to a late easter tonight quite lookinf forward to it but it is with people i don't know very well so alittle nervouse.

interveiw scaryness 4

had another interveiw yesterday and boy it was horrid horrid and horrid the way they had set out the room was really not helpful and the fact that the commitee was all male was not the best. i suspect and this is only a guess that they employed a male. i know they havn't employed me as they let me know that afternoon which was good although hate rejections of any description Gordon was actualy hoping i wouldn't get it he said this morning since it was quite far away. still not much fun sitting here woundering how much more of this stuff i am going to have to go through before i actualy find the Job that God wants me to do for the next few years i know it is out there somewhere or at least will be but i really wish he would hurry up so that i can stop feeling so so so insecure all the time.
James 1:2 James 1:2 just gotta keep remebering it :)

maddness camp and more maddness

camp we great although there were lots of things that could have gone better but thats the hole point of a placement.

my part went okay again lots of things could have gone better like the fact that we could have done more to make the young people feel secure.

what i was really pleased with was the Labriynth it worked really well and the young people used it. infact some of the young people who were the hardest to work with were in there the fastest and using it really well. God is Good as they say and i am glad that i had made the effort to do it properly.

lots of issues in the week had my first trip to the hospital ever with young people. who were petrifide i think partly because they was very little really wrong with them but also it was quite a frightening exsperance having to go to the hospital with relitive strangers. we managed.

felt alittle like a spare wheel for a lot of the camp though wasn't quite sure what my role was for the day time but fitted in found things to do to make things go esayer hope it worked think i did okay though.

so tired when i got back and didn't really stop when i got home was supposed to meet with a young person in the morning or sat but she didn't come then Gordon came round and we impromtunly went out for tea with some of the first years. went to see v for vendeta and were so tired.
then the next day we got up early and went to go to one of Gordons friends church to see their grandson dedicated we got lost ended up walking miles and completely missing the service saw John C though which was nice.
then hada sandwige in town and went over to edingbough where i sleept on Gordons bed for a wile and we went out to this thing in the ushurs hall and for tea a jimmy chungs with some ladys from Gordons work.
was so ill by the end of the day that one of the ladyes gave me a bed for the night spent the next day with Gordon again but mainly asleep felt so tired and ill.
missed the bus home but someone gave me a lift which was such a blessing.

college was just as hectic but want go into all that basicaly class docs class meeting young person the buy him a bible very exsiting Gordon turned up and went out for tea with one of the first years who needed to ofload.

myers briggs again and other camp stuff

dragged myself out of bed today which was not a pritty sight but worth it in the end did myers briggs with a proper person not on a computer website. she exsplained a lot of it and it makes loads of sense INFJ is what i came out as which also made loads of sense.

then ran around for a long wile getting stuff ready for craft it is all alittle bit of a blur at the moment. still have loads to do so had better get off msn and get sorted
urrrg

insain

been abit of a mad day today urg
went out with joy neil and cat to talk about the situation in st rolloxs (who are pulling out fo the project for the moment) whats gonna happen how it happend that sort of thing. we had becon roles it was nice
then came back and did some prep for camp still have heaps to do
went down and talked to neil for a wile then joy and cat came back from visiting perants needing help so we all piched.
neil took me out to broxburn to get some things for Gordon it was a nice drive very chilled out.

bad news i found out that my best friend dan has lost his hearing for good very sad meningitis is a orfel desease.

went to my self help group this morning it was okay then went to the bank have the aim to tidy my room clean my bathroom and get a proper to do list done for camp. :-)

tehe if i new getting a degree was this easy

The University of Blogging Presents to emsy An Honorary Bachelor of Survey Science Majoring in Non Sequiturs Signed Dr. GoQuiz.com �

Username:

Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

'my life'

ouch have been waking up with a mirgrain pritty much every morning this week they are getting better at the day goes on but i don't know it is all very annoying if you ask me.
the worry is that i will be living on syndole for camp which is not much fun and i am looking forward to camp grrrrrrrr.
went to broxburn yesterday it was a lovley day dispite being tired and headaky we went for a long walk and watch wallice and grommit. although Gordon put wd40 on my face which i was not impressed with if i get spots he will pay!
then helpt out at a youth night of his last night which was probley not the best idea for me but ho hum if we do not make mistakes in this life we are not really living are we.
church this morning was intresting but feel asleep in the middle eeeek don't feel so bad neil started snoring later at least no one noticed me falling asleep.
neil and cat took me out to lunch which was lovley :). now going to sleep for a bit.

teen theam

i am just listening to radio 4 and they are talking to someone from the natinal youth theater. and this year is the 50th aniversary of the term teenager.
he said something like....
'blow it lets go for it, we've got them lets flaunt them'
this has made my day teenagers are all great!!!

talk talk talk talk talk and more talk

wow i don 't think that i have stoped talking today it has been intresting.
went to see the research nurse this morning for the self help sessions to help with my depression. and that was all talk.
then i came back and talked to Gordon about Jobs really not a safe subject at the moment but never mind whats a few tears i mean all the salt that runns down my face must be good for my complection.
then i went out with eliane for a hot choc and chatted we also went shopping or window shopping although i did by some three for two novels and a new ink catridge.
then i met with my new superviser denies who used to work with gordon out in drumchaple and was in chris's year so it was nice meeting her and talking with her. quite relaxed.
then talked to gordon again. then came up the stairs to find joy and catrinor talking and talked to them landed myself in more work which was intresting oh well.

long weekend

i got my room cleaned or at least desent and started on my travels on friday which was good had a nice quite cupple of hours on the tain playing pecaboo with varouse small children and the like.
Gordon got on the last train so we also got half and hour together before getting in which was lovley.
then when mum had picked us up we got ant out to the frount of the house and jumped out at him soooooo much fun. he was so pleased :) liked his presant to. we went kiacking (see ant didn't call it canooing this time) which was also great fun Gordon fell in more than me so feeling smug. saw ant with his friends doing something he loves which was the point and felt really good for doing a bit of exersize.
went to the back doc the next day and he told me off for verouse things and did verouse other things that made me saw have to go back and see him when i get home again urg.
Gordon ant and i chilled out the rest of the day which was nice. Gordon and i went for a walk in the rain to get out of the house for a bit.
sunday was alittle made as we forgot to put the clocks forward. Gordon had to go back home because he needed to be with his church as someone very close to him died in the week and he wanted to be there to see people. but because of the clocks it meant that we left an hour after we should have oops. we got him there but i gave up on the idea of getting to my church for the second time. so mum and i took a more lesurly pass getting back.
It must have been God because we arrived in Rushden only 15 minits into the service and i got to go. which was so wounderful i am so glad. although it makes me remeber how much i miss them all. the servece was lovley it was just the right message for me that morning. Talking to everyone afterwoulds was a blessing as well Bill and Keith prayed for me which put me in tears. their faith is amazing i only hope that one day i will have half of what i see in the people in that church.
i messed up meeting with my friend text messages are all well and good but they can confuse things is the moral of that story. but it all worked out for the best meant that Gordon came which was sad point number one as he didn't think he could manage it at the time we had planned. and it meant that we got more time together as dan would have had to leave at 8 and we were only meeting at 7. sooooo good to see Dan and Gen :).
monday the joruny up was quite uneventful. it probley wasn't the best plan but i went with G to broxburn when we got to edingbough. we had an okay evening but ended up in tears combination of being to tired and not erally wanting to leave him.
genraly a good weekend.

ouch head

my head is killing me but what else is new its sorta been a stressful week so i guess thats why.
trying to bring myself to the point where i can clean my room so that i know that i want have a note under my door saying i need to clean it when i get back but serouly have no engergy to do anything again roles eyes.

last essay of the term phew

bit of a dull day today got up and wrote my final essay which was not fun but it is now done. admitadly it will deff not be the best essay i have ever written but it is in and now i can have a bit of a proper holiday.

on the job front i am going to go and have a look around a project in south lanackshire but through looking at their web-site found out that thats where rhonda forbes works chrises wife. the last time i talked to her she was not enjoying it so will see if i can get in contact with her and ask what she thinks about me working there if i deside to go ahead and apply after going next week.
going to relaxs now

shopping theopy

well i didn't get the Job at St Thomas' which sucks i am really really gutted.
so i went out and have had some retail theopy i now have 12 cabries cream eggs and am going to watch some good films to take my mind off the hole thing.

interveiw scaryness 3

well i had the second interveiw for st thomases yesterday and what a day it was. started of having not a very good nights sleep and regreating not tacking some nightall to help with that. woke up about every two hours worried that i had overslept. eek
then got on the bus which arrived early so walked up and down outside the church for a wile before i went in.
had a very nice greeting the guy on the door took me through to were people were having coffee and introduced me to some people felt alittle more confident after that and was invited to sit next to a guy who was a secondary school teacher and quite intresting in church. the service was great they had a worship band that were very gifted at leading worship felt much better after that and the sermon was really good as well so all in all got quite alot out of the service.
then the rector and the tween time youth worker took me to lunch at a local holiday inn had a very nice rost beef and mustard sandwigde.
the actual interveiw was scary they asked me to go strait into the presentation which was horrid as i had not relaxed even a alittle think it would have gone better if i had done it at the end. there were six people interveiwing me one young person lots of people from the actual youth work in the church and one perfesional youth worker who works for youth link. he asked me some supper hard questions. i think i did okay but like said supper nervouse so i don't know if i made a good enough impression.
we shall see the Rector said that i would be in the know in two or three days so we shall see i wanna know now!!!!!!!!
Chris and Louise came over to see me and Gordon after all this which was lovley although i couldn't have been very good company as i was totaly exsortsted. then i went to the YF and i think the young people thought i was pritty cool but you never can tell.
chris and lousie gave me a life home i curled up in bed and slept pritty fast.

Nervouse

well i have this interveiw tomorrow which i am feeling quite nervy about i think i have invested so much into it that i have now freacked myself out. i mean what if it all goes terribly wrong tomorrow and i don't get the job or what if it is not the right place aftter all.
what if i fluff up the presentation what if what if.
the joy of the last formal interveiw that i had was that i didn't have much time to worry about it now that i have had a few weeks to simmer in my own jucies i am soooo scared.

never mind Gordon and I had a good day although my mood does not seem to be very stable at the moment and my mind all over the shop and well memory what is that. was very sad to have to leave him tonight but i guess thats always the case but it is even worse saying goodbye and him not coming out to the bus stop with me. (he wasn't being mean he had work which was on the other side of town)

unpleasant day at school

well i was not feeling welcome when i walked through the door of the school this morning i mean there was me haveing dragged myself to bed and fought the wind to come in to school. i had actualy been looking forward to it as i had a job to do for a change i have been helping this girl who has been bullied to the point that she is hiding in a room on her own doing her work.
I arrived at the school and went to put my bag away and talked to the girl before going to anounce my presanse to the support base staff well all the ladies faces droped when they saw me and i was told that i was not really wanted. i said that i would just sit and help the girl any way and they were fine for me to be seen and not heard humph.
did games in su this week which was good. although the young people where abit pants at wink murder.
disscusion group this afternoon quite looking forward to it.

arrrrrrrrrrrrg

well today at college has been long.
the morning class was okay if alittle dull could see the point in it. then neil helpt me get some video clips for my presentation on sunday which was really nice.
then we had our lovley lunch but of course really could not enjoy it all that much because we had to go back up to class.
although was in tear laughing at grame wile we talked about monti python.
class this afternoon well i am so cross about it i want even try to exsplain it but it was basicly so pointless and dull that we really really considered not going back as a class. it was just ken telling us his life story again which was all well and good but we have hurd about it over and over again and although his daughters are great it is honistly not the best when he talks about them constantly in class it really really really boils me up we could have used this afternoon for so much more important stuff.

sleep is good

had a bit of a long day yesterday but it was not bad.
got up and went downstairs to get a bacon role for my breki and found the first years meeting to discus video stuff for camp i talk to them for a bit and came back up to write my essay.
handed in two yesterday yay one to go!!!!
then went to see the nurce to see if i could join this self help group that they are doing reasuch on in the gps that went well. ment i didn't get to much of the afternoon class though which was a shame.
went to see the Patons and co which was really really nice havn't seen them in soooo long.
then came home and did a genral ring around mum nan gordon and went to bed.
reding memoirs of a geisha at the moment it is a highly recomended book i can't put it down.

the internet is back!!!!!!

we have not had internet upstairs since thursday night it is now tuesday yay it is back it is back yay.

so now have 26 e-mails not including the junk and some research to do before i can hand in my essay this afternoon

it snowed on sunday which was brill i walked to church it felt so far really hard work but relly good fun waiding through 5inches of untoched snow for most of the way.

then yesterday we built a snow man with the kids they so didn't know how to make a snow man trying to pat snow onto the ball i was rolling 'no roll it' was the refrain of the night. it was halerouse the leaders wanted to be out in the snow more than the kids did we made chris go in with the kids who really could not stand it any more as he is from aberdeen and so has had ample oppertunity to play in the snow in his youth. the boys soacked me with snow balls and we had much hularity all round.
we had a serously mellow night for the rest of it drawing pics and playing dodge ball.
had a good convo with one of the young people about his cell group at home :)

interveiw scaryness 2

had another informale interveiw this afternoon. don't think they liked me but they said that would get in contact with me over the next few weeks for a proper interveiw.
i went into it knowing nothing about them and they knew nothing about me not the best way to start really.

have been sitting around not doing much since i got back i know i should be writting essays but am exsorsted.
although have food again which is a possitive thing in my life.
going to start on some of this mountin of reading that i have waiting for me now.

oscas

the lion the which and the wardrob only got 1 how sad is that should have won all the onse it was in and more oh well can't account for tast. :)
walis and gromit got best animated which rocks

violent exit

not off me but off my food was up chucking all afternoon yesterday serverly dampend my inthusasum for study didn't get much done and had to miss srg hope it went okay.

this morning had class felt really bad because the leacture came in and had obevesly been quite hurt by our feedback forms we had a disscusion which was okay.

now sitting and trying to write essay obvesly not motivated as i am sitting here blogging at the same time.

no show

we were supposed to be taking the young people to catylist tonight but non of them turned up so oh well Joy and I had a prayer time and went to our varouse spaces to chill out. abit sad that i didn't get to go but thats life. spent the eve watching sopy tv and weaping at it.
church was okay this morning not much else to talk about today

first draft

got the first draft of my essay done yay 2088 words will redraft it tomorrow but yay although it took a day locked in my room to finish it.

curry night

well hada really good day yesterday went to school and got some young people talking about Jesus and actualy being intrested yay.
then in su one of the young people gave their testomny and honistly was almost in tears by the end was such a powerful story exerlant.
disscusion group didn't happen again grrrrrrr.
but the curry night was really really good much halarity over air hooks and getting new spirt level bubbles yay oh and so many blond jokes.
was so exsorsted by the end of it though.
spent most of this morning in bed and when i finaly got out of bed and had a shower got a phone call from St Thomas's i am being called back to another interveiw on the 19th he said it would be another informal one i am not really sure what this means does it means that i am gonna be meeting people one last time and they will let me know from that or are they gonna make me meet people and then have a formal interveiw this will make it a very grewling process. but i have been talking to other people and record for the most interveiws for one job in the church so far is 4. really really hope i don't have to go through 4 to get this job but if i do i will.

streched

wow today is abit of a mad day college and stuff during college then prep the line maniger meeting then group then a outing for one of the young peoples 18th.
think that ses it all really very tired thinking about not going to school tomorrow but then i feel guilt because i have not been as dedicated to that part of the ministry that i am involved in. huph not sure

Informal Interveiw

yesterday i got a phone call from the Rector at St Thomas's and we arranged to meet this morning for a drink and an informal chat about the youth work job at his church. well i think it went well he asked alot of questions it was quite intresting to visit the place and find out abit about the church. but must not get onse hopes up i think i would like to go there though.
feeling very stressed out now though it was a bit full on Grodon and i had munch after which was lovely just nice to get a hug and talk about it face to face with him as aposed to over the phone.
the Rector said he would phone and maybe arrange a formal interveiw in a few weeks time didn't like the maybe but i can't see why they wouldn't interveiw me the guy seemed to like me enough.
ooooh don't you just hate after an interveiw when you go back over it and think of all the things you should have said or should have said differently. gonna chill out for an hour and then write my managment essay.

the room of the disinbodied heads

i have been to the hair dressers this morning or at least the student ones. i was sitting in the room waiting for the student who was going to cut my hair to step forward and watched the majority of people in the room cutting the hair of doll heads i found it quite amusing.
the girl was okay if alittle ruff and i am now suffering from a head ake but she was faster than others that i have had there and was not going to teacher for help all the time which was good.
i had a nice surprice when i went to pay there was no charge because it was monday morning and aprently monday mornings and friday morning you don't have to pay for a hair cut.
hair feels nice.

go do something you love

i am sitting on my bed feeling guilt because i should be at church i should be doing my Job and serving God but instead i am stuck here again.
i am also supposed to be going sight seeing in Edingbough with Gordon and his mum this afternoon but i suppose thats out.
catrionra told me to go home and do something i love but most things i really want to do invovle me being able to walk places (unbeleivable as it may seem i am sick to the back teeth of watching dvds)and have enough energy to get through the day.
feeling really low again.
although bible class was good this morning.

day in bed

yes if your reading this mum i am sitting in bed and it is nearly 1 in the afternoon. i had a really fragile day yesterday went to see the nurce and my blood presure was perfect which is great but it still means that i have just this stupid vauge exsplantion for why i am dizzy constently. i just want something spesific so that i know how to fight it.
i have reduced my work today to just an hour today and am staying in bad as long as i can hack it only turned my computer on 5 mins ago have been reading and watching west wing.

class yesterday was hell didn't manige the end of it my head was hurting and the room was spinning when i arrived then the police gave out these alram things which was really nice but people being people they started to set them off 130+dbs and sevril people doing this at the same time supprised i didn't just collapes i left the class at speed and was found weaping in the bathroom by becky who sent me upstairs to bed.
people keep asking me whats wrong as if i haven't been talking about it for ages i know they mean well but it got alittle overpowering particualy when i am trying to compose myself for work and the more people who demand an exslapanation the more i end up in tears. if you are reading this and are one of those people then i love you but please support me and stop dredging it all up if i wanna talk about it i will talk anyone who knows me knows i can talk for the UK. although i am not saying don't help i am just saying if i knew what was wrong then i would tell you.

the drama workshop went really well which was a boost to my day Allan offered to come and help he was a star we had much harity at the end of youth club when neil and marc had a resenling mach and neil lost spectaualy.

thats quite a long post oh well if you have made it this far then well done.

internet maddness

the internet at the college has been intermitant at best the last few days very vexing but such is life.
was exstreamly tried when i came out of college yesterday head was heading for another moment of pain but had a worship time and semi quite time only interupted by text messages about getting bits of paper to Gordon and played my clarenett and of course took syndol. relying on drugs to get you through life sucks even if they are painkillers.
trying to study not doing very well to stressed.

mirgrain leftovers

well i am sitting at my desk still struggling with the pain in my haed that has been there since friday night. saturday it was unbearable sunday just keept me in bed today well i don't know. i am glad that these things aren't lasting for weeks a t a time any more though.

Gordon and I went out to TGIs on friday night and had a lovley valintines day got all dressed up in my nice black dress. it is so nice to make youself feel like a princess for a change aspeshaly when you look like a scruffy urchin for the rest of the time. started to get the mirgrain when we came back to the college though which put a dampener on our evening.

my valintimes prezzies were great i can stop teasing him about last year now two books the bunny suicides which are halereous and a novel called the boy in the blue pajamas which i haven't had a chance to read yet what with the head and all but looks good. I got him a vintage monopoly set which he liked.

sat was a blure of pain but i was so glad that he was there for most of it it made it that bit more bearable.

sun was sorta the same exsept that i didn't feel quite so bad and anisa came to the college looking for a chat we sat around and talk about boys for a long time it was nice to see her and it is good that the young people are now seeking me out for advice. although was very tired after it.

school

the fire alarm went of during su today tehe we all stood outside and chatted actualy some really good youth work.
then we played games we had a nice atmopher with the guys i think they are starting to get to know me as a fixture which is nice.
one of the young people in class this morning wanted to know were i was the last few weeks when i was not well. :)
weekly stuff to get on with now urg.

did a lot of work towards my first essay of the term today which was good infact got the frist draft done apart from the fact used limited books so am going to have to back stuff up from books over the next wee wile.
things are not good in college at the mo though everone seems totaly disatifid with the way things are being run and no one seems to be listening. or at least thats how it seems. i don't know can't wait for it all to be over but you know that.

Linda and i had tea which was lovley although not keen on being in the lounge and even less keen after tonight for reasions that i wont go into here.

we are going to a card making group with hazel tonight quite looking forward to it. :)

stress contol or lack of it

for some reasion i seem to find it impossible to control my stress levels i know it is silly to get all wound up like i am doing but it seems to be the way my mind and body works. so i am waiting now for the newest job that i have applied for to get back to me and i am getting stressed because they have but i only applyed yesterday it is insain. i think i need to focus on something else for a wile but i don't seem to be able to control my stress levels in any aspect of my life at the moment. college essays loom and i am getting stressed because i have a serouse lack of motivation and so i am not getting anywhere and we wont even go into relationships.
i think i need a hobby something fun but not sure what i can do since all time is so presouse at the moment and i don't seem to be able to manige it properly.

what a morning

well this has to be a pritty rotten morning if there is one. mainly due to the fact that we don't get post on the weekend i think i got two letters and an e-mail this morning i didn't get the job in Linlithgow and i didn't get interveiws for the other two jobs i appliyed for ouch.
but moving on looking at other jobs acutaly after the inital upsetness feeling okay about it all probley going to be abit delicate for the reast of the day but ho hum.

temporay insanity

okay went alittle insane after i came back from church started to clean my room and got really stressed about the washing i had left drying yesterday at gordons flat when i cleaned the place.
so i went out to broxburn and ironed it all and put it as away as i could. i know it is insain to go ouut just for 2 hours worth of irnoning but if we are totaly honist i think it was somthing to do with being surrounded by college books in the college and haveing the day streach out before me with nothing other to do than work study or just vedg it was actualy quite relaxing in a strange way although would have been much better if Gordon had actualy been there.
still no news from linlithgow neil and cat think that they may have written a letter and so it may not have arrived due to the college post. i doubt it though although if i didn't get it neil says that means that suzi did and i am glad about that :-)

motovation

went and cleaned gordons flat yesterday took ages mainly because i was completely laking in energy which meant i had trouble knowing were to start wereas when i am cleaning i uselay start from one end and work towards the other.
the other reason was that it was a state but i can't talk i am about to get up the energy to clean my room and i have less space for it to be this messy urk.
church this morning was okay have discovered the joys of podcasts and so got to listen to the news on the way in really enjoyed my walk. but i don't know my energry was completely gone by the time i got there and by midway through the service the room was spinning so badly that i felt sick.
urg

myers briggs

just done this in class i am a enfj tehe

hummmmm

well it has been abit of a funny day i guess.
got up pottered around tryed to plan the day in the most productive way possible but sorta did not turn out that way.
i went to the chinee supermarket which was fun although the next time i go i will take someone who isn't dyslexic as i found all the reading i had to do very confusing particualy since i didn't really know what i was looking for and where. although i maniged to make a meal out of my cookbook tonight (are you proud of me Noelle) which was passible and i enjoyed can't wait to do some more exsperimenting.
neil left a copy of the referance he rote me in my pigon hole today which i think i may get framed as it was really good. feeling good about myself today although i have not done enough reading or studying today really.

docs take 2

i really don't like my doctor feeling quite let down by him. and i had such high hopes.
i went this morning and beleive me it was not easy to get out of bed and get out of the door. and had to wait for an hour before he got to me. then when i got through into his office he was totaly abrupt and spent less than 5 min with me the basic outcome of which was looks like you have a virouse just keep taking the pills and if it does not clear up well we will give you some more.
which fine i can sorta exsept but the annoying thing is that i felt like i was a wast of his time my life is pritty horrid at the moment because i am tried constently and dizzy constantly which leads to me being in a bad mood and unmotivated and all these various things. I don't know i think i would have been more reasured if he had just cheaked my blood presure and looked in my ears. sounds silly but true

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||| 58% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||||| 78% Type 3 Image Focus |||||||||||||||| 62% Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 86% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||| 70% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||||| 70% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||| 50% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||| 26% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||| 54% Your main type is 4 Your variant is self pres

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

christmas take 2

Gordon and i had our christmas day yesterday as in we eat food exstanged christmas presants and went to church together it was wounderful. and it went so fast i wish things like that lasted longer so that we could enjoy them more.
we had a cooked dinner in the evening which meant we were late for the bus i don't really care i hate saying goodbye and the longer i can put it off the better although its horrid sitting out in the cold for half an hour i supose. I wish there was something i could do to make leaving him at the end of a day easyer.

as to presants he liked his i think i got him a magic trick a plant pot for hurbs a pestel and morta a bowl to put his keys in and some christmas decorations.
he got me a wagama cook book which i have been lusting after for ages the book 'lies to tell small children' which is very funny and a set of stripy cups which are lovley.

camp trainning day

rolled out of bed to the sound of my phone this morning felt very very very ruff last night and was not feeling much better this morning but pulled myself into the shower and then when some time had past gordon arrived and we started our meeting.
it was quite intresting i think i do need to work on the hole manigment thing but we are working on that currently. it turns out that i am not very good at keeping things on track but i have a plan so thats okay.

pass

all essay from last term have been passed can relax now and get on with the essays for this term. can feel good about that.

Interveiw scaryness

well i had my interveiw at linlithgow which was quite a cool place with a big ministry. it was also the place were mary queen of scots was born which was neat. and the church that leads on to her castel is the church that i was interveiwing for so that sorta would satifuy the museam geek side of me that has never really been put to sleep.
even so i still don't know completely if it is the right place but i guess that choice is not mine to make yet as they haven't offered me the job and probley want as it was my first interveiw and you hardley ever get the first job you interveiw for. 'sigh' wish all this stuff was over and done with and i didn't have to worry any more.

yesterday had a flacky day after i got back from staying over at neil and catrionas (which was bliss thanks guys) and changed my room around i like it in its new order also put the stero away as it does not work so there is no point in dusting it any more the guy in the shop said there was no point fixing it it would cost less to get a new one which sucks so am not totaly sertain why i am holding on to it really.

saw steph last night which was lovley and joined in with a bible study at her house felt good about myself for the first time in ages i actualy am not as stupid as i think. love you steph.

rushing about

been abit of a mad day but slowed down now. the problem was that i didn't relsie when i woke up that i had so much to do so i dossed for a long time. then i started to fill out the application form for niddrie and oops did not relise that it was supposed to be in tomorrow so a mad dash to fill it out and get it in the next post so that it would arrive on time but it was okay. also put my volinter form into su today well done me couldn't quite remeber where the office was and i found it in the end though.
also went shopping have now got food which is nice no more random meals well at least for this week.
also sent off for another job information pack one for troon not sure were that is yet but i am sure all will become clear.

totaly totaly tired

feeling alittle spread fine today just had a mega long weekend did school on friday and spent a nice afternoon with Gordon then saturday went to cori croft which is really exsiting still havn't handed in my su application though must do that tomorrow morning. spent the afernoon with neil and catrina in sterling which was cool.
kennys brithday bash was in the eve of sat it was abit mad as well started in itchi ban ended up in dings quite a come down in quolity but it was good to spend time with kenny.
this morning had a hard hard time getting up then sat outside the service talking with neberly about spirtual warfair which was intresting. did youthy which was a disaster really as we wernt ready in time and had no way of making the laptop we were usings side load until kenny super star that he is found some old pc speackers. the young people were fine though.
Gordon and i spent the rest of the day together which was blissful we played his new computer game which was good and just hung out oh and had a really nice lunch out. he bought me flowers they are goergouse.

stupid day

well i have had a mirgrain all day so have been liying on my bed all day urg. so have missed a day off college and am still feeling pritty pants and the hole dizzyness thing is still there but i guess that could just be due to the fact that i havea mirgrain.

on a more possitive frount i have my first interveiw next tuesday night which is quite exsiting and very scary.

docs

well i draged myself out of bed this morning to get to the doctors for 8:30 just to sit their for an hour as the doctor was an hour late for work arrrrrg. but at least he took me serously and got a hole heep of blood tests done i hate giving blood. he also gave me some pills of the dizzyness which seem to be working.

the people from the job i applyed for the other day gave me a call wile i was in there i am to phone back after 5 and arrange a date for a interveiw how exsiting my first interveiw since all thoughs horrid ones for a placement i sorta hope that my interveiw skills have imporved but i doubt it somehow.

geek

well feeling quite nervouse and exsited at the same time i have just sent off my first Job application ever.
you know i am used to walking into places and just getting Jobs :-) well not quite but sighing up for an employments agency is a hell of a lot easyer than working out what to put on a cover letter or even on a CV.

feeling quite good about my to do list it is starting go down although i probley need to add stuff to it will sit and think about all the stuff that isn't on it when i have gotten ride of all that stuff that is.

what is wrong with me

i feel dreadful today and i must look not so good as well if church was anything to go by.
after dragging myself from my bed feeling dizzy and groggy i walked to church hoping that the fresh air would clear my head it didn't.
i sat in on the end of the bible class which was good a missionary from albainer had returned to the church and was talking to the young people about her last three months there.
James came in and the first thing that he said to me was basicly you look dreadful you should go home. i didn't i was determind not to let this thing beat me i mean i have been living it for more than a month now maybe more than two. but i think i should have tacken his advice really.
came home and now feel even worse than when i got up.
although am listening to a tale of two cities so it is not all bad.
talked to Gordon for some light releife which was nice.

Interdependace is a higher Vaule than independence

had such a mad day yesterday having abit of a none day today.
first it was raining when i woke up so my body desided that it was not leaving its nice warm bed had to get a taxi to school. were the commision for education the local edcuation mp and the richest man in glasgow were woundering around. and theres me wearing my hoodie and jeans ooops. when one of them talks to me he is completely confused by me and does not know what box to put me in.

then su and chris could not make it because he was waiting for the people to come and fix his window which had been vandelised. not really much of an issue exsept it was a gmaes day and chris was supposed to be coming up with the games it was alright we play squot and the hand clappy game all good. exsept a random photographer turned up to take pictures of efram intresting.

then i get a phone call from chris again he has to return to his house so ronda can go to the police and report it.
so i end up running around looking for a fellow youth worker to help lead the discussion group. on the one day when all the residents who fit this description are somewhere else and most of them with my boyfriend in town. Elain saved the day. although only barry turned up it was a good session.

had a lovley evening with Gordon we watched CSI, cuddled and eat choclate and ice cream bliss.

+ and -

bit of a productive non-productive day sorted out my desk which so needed doing and got a bit of an idea of what i am going to do for the camp worship sessions. got a load of books out of the libary and did read them and didn't get my reflections done (maily because the web-site apears to be down and so i cannot download the templates urg.)

the bible world bus people came it was quite intresting although it was mainly stuff i already new. but we got the minister of marters intresed which was possitive.

then came upstairs sat in the lounge for a bit cleaned the kichen talked to Gordon and am now on my way to bed

C+

got my essay back today got a C+ very pleased.
although Kens class was very heavy going and am feeling very low i think it is mainly due to the late night and the stupid illness i seem not to be able to shake.

oh well less than a week and a half till my doctors appointment Glasgow Doctors suck

i have my computer back

yay i can take notes in class again i can talk to the outside world again i can write essays till four in the morning again.
okay maybe the four in the morning bit is not so good but it was needed and that means i am up to date for last term which is a nice feeling although serouly early night tonight is in order.

i am in class the visiting leacture is quite good although we have a stupid book to read over this term which is serously out of date which is nothing to do with the leactura today.

had a good night at srg although we had to spend some time talking to one of our young leaders about why it is a good idea to go back to school maybe thats my que to have a look for other options in case he gets to the point were he just will not go back.

then i wrote my report of the resurch project till four in the morning admiadly part of that was taken up with downloading all the stuff that was lost from my computer. urg

still no computer

there is still no sihn of my laptop starting to really really get me down it makes my life so much harder not having taking notes in class yesterday was a nightmare espeshaly in the morning theology class. Linda lovely lady that she is has e-mailed me her notes but all the same. think it is something to do with my need to be inderpendant and do these things for myself i am not sur why i have this insain need to prove to the world i can do it on my own when i blantaly can't as my computer dieing has completly disrupted my intire life.
Suzie and i had a nice evening yesterday we did this silly thing that neil wanted us to do for class tomorrow which took all of 10 mins and we enjoyed a relaxed tea and chat very nice. Gordon came over to see linda so i got a nice goodnight kiss at the end of it the night although it was very late by that time and i had given up him coming back into the college and he went litraly 5 minits after he came through the door still nice.
today has been a bad day for getting things done mainly because i don't have my computer arrrrrrg hate using the computers downstairs it sucks.