i have been to the hair dressers this morning or at least the student ones. i was sitting in the room waiting for the student who was going to cut my hair to step forward and watched the majority of people in the room cutting the hair of doll heads i found it quite amusing.
the girl was okay if alittle ruff and i am now suffering from a head ake but she was faster than others that i have had there and was not going to teacher for help all the time which was good.
i had a nice surprice when i went to pay there was no charge because it was monday morning and aprently monday mornings and friday morning you don't have to pay for a hair cut.
hair feels nice.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Sunday, February 26, 2006
go do something you love
i am sitting on my bed feeling guilt because i should be at church i should be doing my Job and serving God but instead i am stuck here again.
i am also supposed to be going sight seeing in Edingbough with Gordon and his mum this afternoon but i suppose thats out.
catrionra told me to go home and do something i love but most things i really want to do invovle me being able to walk places (unbeleivable as it may seem i am sick to the back teeth of watching dvds)and have enough energy to get through the day.
feeling really low again.
although bible class was good this morning.
i am also supposed to be going sight seeing in Edingbough with Gordon and his mum this afternoon but i suppose thats out.
catrionra told me to go home and do something i love but most things i really want to do invovle me being able to walk places (unbeleivable as it may seem i am sick to the back teeth of watching dvds)and have enough energy to get through the day.
feeling really low again.
although bible class was good this morning.
Friday, February 24, 2006
day in bed
yes if your reading this mum i am sitting in bed and it is nearly 1 in the afternoon. i had a really fragile day yesterday went to see the nurce and my blood presure was perfect which is great but it still means that i have just this stupid vauge exsplantion for why i am dizzy constently. i just want something spesific so that i know how to fight it.
i have reduced my work today to just an hour today and am staying in bad as long as i can hack it only turned my computer on 5 mins ago have been reading and watching west wing.
class yesterday was hell didn't manige the end of it my head was hurting and the room was spinning when i arrived then the police gave out these alram things which was really nice but people being people they started to set them off 130+dbs and sevril people doing this at the same time supprised i didn't just collapes i left the class at speed and was found weaping in the bathroom by becky who sent me upstairs to bed.
people keep asking me whats wrong as if i haven't been talking about it for ages i know they mean well but it got alittle overpowering particualy when i am trying to compose myself for work and the more people who demand an exslapanation the more i end up in tears. if you are reading this and are one of those people then i love you but please support me and stop dredging it all up if i wanna talk about it i will talk anyone who knows me knows i can talk for the UK. although i am not saying don't help i am just saying if i knew what was wrong then i would tell you.
the drama workshop went really well which was a boost to my day Allan offered to come and help he was a star we had much harity at the end of youth club when neil and marc had a resenling mach and neil lost spectaualy.
thats quite a long post oh well if you have made it this far then well done.
i have reduced my work today to just an hour today and am staying in bad as long as i can hack it only turned my computer on 5 mins ago have been reading and watching west wing.
class yesterday was hell didn't manige the end of it my head was hurting and the room was spinning when i arrived then the police gave out these alram things which was really nice but people being people they started to set them off 130+dbs and sevril people doing this at the same time supprised i didn't just collapes i left the class at speed and was found weaping in the bathroom by becky who sent me upstairs to bed.
people keep asking me whats wrong as if i haven't been talking about it for ages i know they mean well but it got alittle overpowering particualy when i am trying to compose myself for work and the more people who demand an exslapanation the more i end up in tears. if you are reading this and are one of those people then i love you but please support me and stop dredging it all up if i wanna talk about it i will talk anyone who knows me knows i can talk for the UK. although i am not saying don't help i am just saying if i knew what was wrong then i would tell you.
the drama workshop went really well which was a boost to my day Allan offered to come and help he was a star we had much harity at the end of youth club when neil and marc had a resenling mach and neil lost spectaualy.
thats quite a long post oh well if you have made it this far then well done.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
internet maddness
the internet at the college has been intermitant at best the last few days very vexing but such is life.
was exstreamly tried when i came out of college yesterday head was heading for another moment of pain but had a worship time and semi quite time only interupted by text messages about getting bits of paper to Gordon and played my clarenett and of course took syndol. relying on drugs to get you through life sucks even if they are painkillers.
trying to study not doing very well to stressed.
was exstreamly tried when i came out of college yesterday head was heading for another moment of pain but had a worship time and semi quite time only interupted by text messages about getting bits of paper to Gordon and played my clarenett and of course took syndol. relying on drugs to get you through life sucks even if they are painkillers.
trying to study not doing very well to stressed.
Monday, February 20, 2006
mirgrain leftovers
well i am sitting at my desk still struggling with the pain in my haed that has been there since friday night. saturday it was unbearable sunday just keept me in bed today well i don't know. i am glad that these things aren't lasting for weeks a t a time any more though.
Gordon and I went out to TGIs on friday night and had a lovley valintines day got all dressed up in my nice black dress. it is so nice to make youself feel like a princess for a change aspeshaly when you look like a scruffy urchin for the rest of the time. started to get the mirgrain when we came back to the college though which put a dampener on our evening.
my valintimes prezzies were great i can stop teasing him about last year now two books the bunny suicides which are halereous and a novel called the boy in the blue pajamas which i haven't had a chance to read yet what with the head and all but looks good. I got him a vintage monopoly set which he liked.
sat was a blure of pain but i was so glad that he was there for most of it it made it that bit more bearable.
sun was sorta the same exsept that i didn't feel quite so bad and anisa came to the college looking for a chat we sat around and talk about boys for a long time it was nice to see her and it is good that the young people are now seeking me out for advice. although was very tired after it.
Gordon and I went out to TGIs on friday night and had a lovley valintines day got all dressed up in my nice black dress. it is so nice to make youself feel like a princess for a change aspeshaly when you look like a scruffy urchin for the rest of the time. started to get the mirgrain when we came back to the college though which put a dampener on our evening.
my valintimes prezzies were great i can stop teasing him about last year now two books the bunny suicides which are halereous and a novel called the boy in the blue pajamas which i haven't had a chance to read yet what with the head and all but looks good. I got him a vintage monopoly set which he liked.
sat was a blure of pain but i was so glad that he was there for most of it it made it that bit more bearable.
sun was sorta the same exsept that i didn't feel quite so bad and anisa came to the college looking for a chat we sat around and talk about boys for a long time it was nice to see her and it is good that the young people are now seeking me out for advice. although was very tired after it.
Friday, February 17, 2006
school
the fire alarm went of during su today tehe we all stood outside and chatted actualy some really good youth work.
then we played games we had a nice atmopher with the guys i think they are starting to get to know me as a fixture which is nice.
one of the young people in class this morning wanted to know were i was the last few weeks when i was not well. :)
weekly stuff to get on with now urg.
then we played games we had a nice atmopher with the guys i think they are starting to get to know me as a fixture which is nice.
one of the young people in class this morning wanted to know were i was the last few weeks when i was not well. :)
weekly stuff to get on with now urg.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
did a lot of work towards my first essay of the term today which was good infact got the frist draft done apart from the fact used limited books so am going to have to back stuff up from books over the next wee wile.
things are not good in college at the mo though everone seems totaly disatifid with the way things are being run and no one seems to be listening. or at least thats how it seems. i don't know can't wait for it all to be over but you know that.
Linda and i had tea which was lovley although not keen on being in the lounge and even less keen after tonight for reasions that i wont go into here.
we are going to a card making group with hazel tonight quite looking forward to it. :)
things are not good in college at the mo though everone seems totaly disatifid with the way things are being run and no one seems to be listening. or at least thats how it seems. i don't know can't wait for it all to be over but you know that.
Linda and i had tea which was lovley although not keen on being in the lounge and even less keen after tonight for reasions that i wont go into here.
we are going to a card making group with hazel tonight quite looking forward to it. :)
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
stress contol or lack of it
for some reasion i seem to find it impossible to control my stress levels i know it is silly to get all wound up like i am doing but it seems to be the way my mind and body works. so i am waiting now for the newest job that i have applied for to get back to me and i am getting stressed because they have but i only applyed yesterday it is insain. i think i need to focus on something else for a wile but i don't seem to be able to control my stress levels in any aspect of my life at the moment. college essays loom and i am getting stressed because i have a serouse lack of motivation and so i am not getting anywhere and we wont even go into relationships.
i think i need a hobby something fun but not sure what i can do since all time is so presouse at the moment and i don't seem to be able to manige it properly.
i think i need a hobby something fun but not sure what i can do since all time is so presouse at the moment and i don't seem to be able to manige it properly.
Monday, February 13, 2006
what a morning
well this has to be a pritty rotten morning if there is one. mainly due to the fact that we don't get post on the weekend i think i got two letters and an e-mail this morning i didn't get the job in Linlithgow and i didn't get interveiws for the other two jobs i appliyed for ouch.
but moving on looking at other jobs acutaly after the inital upsetness feeling okay about it all probley going to be abit delicate for the reast of the day but ho hum.
but moving on looking at other jobs acutaly after the inital upsetness feeling okay about it all probley going to be abit delicate for the reast of the day but ho hum.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
temporay insanity
okay went alittle insane after i came back from church started to clean my room and got really stressed about the washing i had left drying yesterday at gordons flat when i cleaned the place.
so i went out to broxburn and ironed it all and put it as away as i could. i know it is insain to go ouut just for 2 hours worth of irnoning but if we are totaly honist i think it was somthing to do with being surrounded by college books in the college and haveing the day streach out before me with nothing other to do than work study or just vedg it was actualy quite relaxing in a strange way although would have been much better if Gordon had actualy been there.
still no news from linlithgow neil and cat think that they may have written a letter and so it may not have arrived due to the college post. i doubt it though although if i didn't get it neil says that means that suzi did and i am glad about that :-)
so i went out to broxburn and ironed it all and put it as away as i could. i know it is insain to go ouut just for 2 hours worth of irnoning but if we are totaly honist i think it was somthing to do with being surrounded by college books in the college and haveing the day streach out before me with nothing other to do than work study or just vedg it was actualy quite relaxing in a strange way although would have been much better if Gordon had actualy been there.
still no news from linlithgow neil and cat think that they may have written a letter and so it may not have arrived due to the college post. i doubt it though although if i didn't get it neil says that means that suzi did and i am glad about that :-)
motovation
went and cleaned gordons flat yesterday took ages mainly because i was completely laking in energy which meant i had trouble knowing were to start wereas when i am cleaning i uselay start from one end and work towards the other.
the other reason was that it was a state but i can't talk i am about to get up the energy to clean my room and i have less space for it to be this messy urk.
church this morning was okay have discovered the joys of podcasts and so got to listen to the news on the way in really enjoyed my walk. but i don't know my energry was completely gone by the time i got there and by midway through the service the room was spinning so badly that i felt sick.
urg
the other reason was that it was a state but i can't talk i am about to get up the energy to clean my room and i have less space for it to be this messy urk.
church this morning was okay have discovered the joys of podcasts and so got to listen to the news on the way in really enjoyed my walk. but i don't know my energry was completely gone by the time i got there and by midway through the service the room was spinning so badly that i felt sick.
urg
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
hummmmm
well it has been abit of a funny day i guess.
got up pottered around tryed to plan the day in the most productive way possible but sorta did not turn out that way.
i went to the chinee supermarket which was fun although the next time i go i will take someone who isn't dyslexic as i found all the reading i had to do very confusing particualy since i didn't really know what i was looking for and where. although i maniged to make a meal out of my cookbook tonight (are you proud of me Noelle) which was passible and i enjoyed can't wait to do some more exsperimenting.
neil left a copy of the referance he rote me in my pigon hole today which i think i may get framed as it was really good. feeling good about myself today although i have not done enough reading or studying today really.
got up pottered around tryed to plan the day in the most productive way possible but sorta did not turn out that way.
i went to the chinee supermarket which was fun although the next time i go i will take someone who isn't dyslexic as i found all the reading i had to do very confusing particualy since i didn't really know what i was looking for and where. although i maniged to make a meal out of my cookbook tonight (are you proud of me Noelle) which was passible and i enjoyed can't wait to do some more exsperimenting.
neil left a copy of the referance he rote me in my pigon hole today which i think i may get framed as it was really good. feeling good about myself today although i have not done enough reading or studying today really.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
docs take 2
i really don't like my doctor feeling quite let down by him. and i had such high hopes.
i went this morning and beleive me it was not easy to get out of bed and get out of the door. and had to wait for an hour before he got to me. then when i got through into his office he was totaly abrupt and spent less than 5 min with me the basic outcome of which was looks like you have a virouse just keep taking the pills and if it does not clear up well we will give you some more.
which fine i can sorta exsept but the annoying thing is that i felt like i was a wast of his time my life is pritty horrid at the moment because i am tried constently and dizzy constantly which leads to me being in a bad mood and unmotivated and all these various things. I don't know i think i would have been more reasured if he had just cheaked my blood presure and looked in my ears. sounds silly but true
i went this morning and beleive me it was not easy to get out of bed and get out of the door. and had to wait for an hour before he got to me. then when i got through into his office he was totaly abrupt and spent less than 5 min with me the basic outcome of which was looks like you have a virouse just keep taking the pills and if it does not clear up well we will give you some more.
which fine i can sorta exsept but the annoying thing is that i felt like i was a wast of his time my life is pritty horrid at the moment because i am tried constently and dizzy constantly which leads to me being in a bad mood and unmotivated and all these various things. I don't know i think i would have been more reasured if he had just cheaked my blood presure and looked in my ears. sounds silly but true
Monday, February 06, 2006
| Enneagram Test Results
Your variant is self pres |
christmas take 2
Gordon and i had our christmas day yesterday as in we eat food exstanged christmas presants and went to church together it was wounderful. and it went so fast i wish things like that lasted longer so that we could enjoy them more.
we had a cooked dinner in the evening which meant we were late for the bus i don't really care i hate saying goodbye and the longer i can put it off the better although its horrid sitting out in the cold for half an hour i supose. I wish there was something i could do to make leaving him at the end of a day easyer.
as to presants he liked his i think i got him a magic trick a plant pot for hurbs a pestel and morta a bowl to put his keys in and some christmas decorations.
he got me a wagama cook book which i have been lusting after for ages the book 'lies to tell small children' which is very funny and a set of stripy cups which are lovley.
we had a cooked dinner in the evening which meant we were late for the bus i don't really care i hate saying goodbye and the longer i can put it off the better although its horrid sitting out in the cold for half an hour i supose. I wish there was something i could do to make leaving him at the end of a day easyer.
as to presants he liked his i think i got him a magic trick a plant pot for hurbs a pestel and morta a bowl to put his keys in and some christmas decorations.
he got me a wagama cook book which i have been lusting after for ages the book 'lies to tell small children' which is very funny and a set of stripy cups which are lovley.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
camp trainning day
rolled out of bed to the sound of my phone this morning felt very very very ruff last night and was not feeling much better this morning but pulled myself into the shower and then when some time had past gordon arrived and we started our meeting.
it was quite intresting i think i do need to work on the hole manigment thing but we are working on that currently. it turns out that i am not very good at keeping things on track but i have a plan so thats okay.
it was quite intresting i think i do need to work on the hole manigment thing but we are working on that currently. it turns out that i am not very good at keeping things on track but i have a plan so thats okay.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
pass
all essay from last term have been passed can relax now and get on with the essays for this term. can feel good about that.
Interveiw scaryness
well i had my interveiw at linlithgow which was quite a cool place with a big ministry. it was also the place were mary queen of scots was born which was neat. and the church that leads on to her castel is the church that i was interveiwing for so that sorta would satifuy the museam geek side of me that has never really been put to sleep.
even so i still don't know completely if it is the right place but i guess that choice is not mine to make yet as they haven't offered me the job and probley want as it was my first interveiw and you hardley ever get the first job you interveiw for. 'sigh' wish all this stuff was over and done with and i didn't have to worry any more.
yesterday had a flacky day after i got back from staying over at neil and catrionas (which was bliss thanks guys) and changed my room around i like it in its new order also put the stero away as it does not work so there is no point in dusting it any more the guy in the shop said there was no point fixing it it would cost less to get a new one which sucks so am not totaly sertain why i am holding on to it really.
saw steph last night which was lovley and joined in with a bible study at her house felt good about myself for the first time in ages i actualy am not as stupid as i think. love you steph.
even so i still don't know completely if it is the right place but i guess that choice is not mine to make yet as they haven't offered me the job and probley want as it was my first interveiw and you hardley ever get the first job you interveiw for. 'sigh' wish all this stuff was over and done with and i didn't have to worry any more.
yesterday had a flacky day after i got back from staying over at neil and catrionas (which was bliss thanks guys) and changed my room around i like it in its new order also put the stero away as it does not work so there is no point in dusting it any more the guy in the shop said there was no point fixing it it would cost less to get a new one which sucks so am not totaly sertain why i am holding on to it really.
saw steph last night which was lovley and joined in with a bible study at her house felt good about myself for the first time in ages i actualy am not as stupid as i think. love you steph.
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